Work or SAHM?

MegSowers · May 2012

If you have/had the choice to be a SAHM or work, what do you prefer? Pros/cons? I hear people say they work for adult interaction, don't have a choice, etc. What's your reason? How do you feel about it?

jeffsjayme · May 2012

I do have a choice and for now, it's to work part-time. I do see myself being a SAHM once we have more children and the hassle isn't worth it. If I worked full time, I'd make 6 figures, so the income I'm bringing in is significant and daycare will always be "worth it", but eventually, I suspect I'll want to SAHM rather than bundle kids up and take them to a babysitter every day.

EastCoastBride · May 2012

I couldn't be a full time SAHM. But I would LOVE to work PT. I don't like working full time.

laurakaz13 · May 2012

I have the choice. DH makes a very good salary.

I personally love my job and am very successful at it. It also affords us the opportunity to do lots of things we really want to do in our lives, like travel all over the world, save a ton of money, pay for DD's college, pay our mortgage off early, retire at young ages, etc.

For me, it's very rewarding to go to work and I also love interacting with adults in a professional environment.

I could never be a SAHM. I have no desire to be a housewife of any sort. I love my DD, but I really don't want to be with her 24/7. I'm not creative enough. She learns so much at her school and is thriving there.

I would also feel a little lost if I didn't have my career, as it's a huge part of who I am. I would not feel that I was contributing to the househould at all.

These are just my thoughts.

Netty_3 · May 2012

I guess I fit what you say. I work for adult interaction as well as because I have to. I also like the challenges work provides. However, if I had the choice, I'd only work part time.

AsOctoberFalls · May 2012

My ideal would be to work part-time. I would rather be a SAHM than work full-time, but I have to work full-time right now.

gwennec · May 2012

I work b/c I want to. I stayed home the first 10 months with DD1 and it was way too long. I had lost my job while pregnant, so had to look for a new one after she was born. I found out quickly I was not cut out to be a SAHM. I need the balance that work provides. I also feel like I have the best of both worlds since I work from home and work east coast hours, so am usually done for the day by 2 or 3pm which gives me the rest of the afternoon to spend with my girls. And no commute!

AquaFlowers · May 2012

I would still work because I love my job, although it gets in the way of family time sometimes.

AZ123 · May 2012

I don't have to work but I like what I do and well frankly, I like money too much. I like having extra money and not having to worry. I know that's important to DH too and so less stress in our lives. I also don't have the desire to be with my children 24/7 like the above poster said.

Duffgurl · May 2012

I Love my job but if I had the opportunity to be with our son I would sure jump on it. Spending time with my LO is much more important to me than working a job I love.

Kie310 · May 2012

I would work. I wouldn't want my only job to be to clean the house & run around after my kids. I love doing it at night & on the weekends, but come Monday I'm glad to go to work with adults & do something other than change diapers.

I have high respect for SAHMs. I would hate it.

iverske9 · May 2012

I would work. I like being challenged and my job....now if I could be rich and be a SAHM rich mother with nannies, and freedom well that would be a whole different story :-)

virginiagirl11 · May 2012

I would work PT. I don't think I'm cut out to be a FT SAHM, but DH and I do a much better job teaching and interacting with DS than anyone I've met in the childcare industry so far and I want that for DS the majority of the time. The rest of the time, I think it would be good for him to have the socialization that a babysitter or center provides while I work a bit and have some independence and get my own socialization.

I do not love working FT. It feels as if other people are raising my child and that eats away at me.

Snow1010 · May 2012

My job blows, but I work because I make good money.

I just want to win the lottery. That way I could spend more time with DD and do something I love.

Spenjamins · May 2012

It had never been a complicated decision for me. I work because I do. My husband's salary is not a factor in my decision. I think it is weird to say I CHOOSE to work because my husband makes a lot of money. My husband would never think to say something like that. It seems very sexist to me and devaluing to women. And frankly, it sounds silly and bragg-y.

laurakaz13 · May 2012

Spenjamins:

It had never been a complicated decision for me. I work because I do. My husband's salary is not a factor in my decision. I think it is weird to say I CHOOSE to work because my husband makes a lot of money. My husband would never think to say something like that. It seems very sexist to me and devaluing to women. And frankly, it sounds silly and bragg-y.

You are right! I did not mean to sound "silly and braggy." That is not how I meant it. Just trying to make the point that I work, but I could stay home as it would doable for us.

GeneGoddess · May 2012

Work. I could easily quit and stay home, but I love my career. Society never asks this question of fathers, so why are we dwelling on it for mothers?

NicoleWI · May 2012

I have been at this working mom gig for almost 3.5 years. It's do-able, but I don't like it. I wish I felt more of a drive to work or more connected to my job, for the sake of finances, but I just don't. I feel guilty for not being more of a motivated career woman!

I would love to try SAH and am seriously considering doing so after the next baby arrives. Or, I would like to cut to PT. There is no way I want to keep working FT. DH is self-employed and works a lot of long hours, weekends, etc., which makes a big impact (although I think I still have a SAHM-friendly personality regardless). His job plus me working FT feels too crazy and we're always disorganized and rushed.

I have a great career with a good salary and benefits and was always a high-achieving student in the school days, but I NEVER liked homework/schedules and loved summer break and being on my own time. I guess I still feel that way. I would LOVE more time right now to work in our garden, take long weekends to visit family, cook more, take walks during the day, etc. I love being with the kids (even though they are also exhausting!) and my weekends go much better than my workdays. I don't want the kids to be in super-scheduled programming their whole lives, ESPECIALLY in the summer. I want them to have some sense of summer freedom and learn to plan their own time. I also want them to play together a lot, and not always be in separate day care rooms and then different school grades.

My parents both worked, but my mom worked PT for many years and my dad worked out of our home, and I always loved having a parent at home. I'd like to have that for my kids. Sadly, I think it's getting harder and harder for families to work out having someone at home, even if they want to.

ljanette85 · May 2012

i have to work part-time...but even if i didnt i would still want to work. i love my job and its very flexible. i could just work a few shifts here and there.

kjennnn · May 2012

I would work part time. The only way i'd want to SAH fulltime is if I was loaded enough to be able to shop, go out to lunch and take the kids to do fun things. And also to not have to worry about money or about DH losing his job, not funding retirement, paying for college, etc. We'd be strapped if I stayed at home full time and that would not be fun to me and very stressful for DH.

CrazyToast · May 2012

I work because:
-I was taught to be an independent person. I've always worked and always will.
-I love my job and my students
-I love getting out of the house and interacting with people (I don't interact with as many adults as I do children since I'm a teacher)
-I worked hard to get my career and I want to keep it
-I love my child, but I don't need to be home with her to make our lives complete.
-we really do need the money to pay our bills

MegSowers · May 2012

Thanks everyone!! I really enjoyed reading all these posts, and have a lot to think about!!!

Nechie122 · May 2012

Why do working moms always get asked this? Are people constantly posting on the SAHM: if you had a choice to work, would you do it? I definitely know people who SAH because they can't afford the $2500/month for daycare in NYC so working is just not a financially viable option.

But I digress. I worked part-time (from home, no less) for 10.5 months after DD was born. It was the best of both worlds and the worst of both worlds. It was great on the home front because I felt like I had good balance between work and family. But it was a terrible career move -- and I am way too ambitious to watch my coworkers pass me by when I've worked so hard to get to where I am. I was bored and depressed.

Ever since I've returned to work full-time, even traveling again, I've been so much happier. So I can honestly say that yes, I would always want to work.

IUIBaby · May 2012

Work, definitely. I hate sitting around all day.

KL777 · May 2012

I SAHM for 3 years and do not regret any of it. At this season of my life, working part-time consistently (I work part-time now the majority of the time) would be ideal.

asyph107 · May 2012

laurakaz13:

I have the choice. DH makes a very good salary.

I personally love my job and am very successful at it. It also affords us the opportunity to do lots of things we really want to do in our lives, like travel all over the world, save a ton of money, pay for DD's college, pay our mortgage off early, retire at young ages, etc.

For me, it's very rewarding to go to work and I also love interacting with adults in a professional environment.

I could never be a SAHM. I have no desire to be a housewife of any sort. I love my DD, but I really don't want to be with her 24/7. I'm not creative enough. She learns so much at her school and is thriving there.

I would also feel a little lost if I didn't have my career, as it's a huge part of who I am. I would not feel that I was contributing to the househould at all.

These are just my thoughts.

This exactly. I love my job! I also love that we COULD live on one salary but having two means that we can make the majority of the other salary all about savings for our future and for fun.

semdkm · May 2012

I don't love working because I don't love my job and I would prefer to have more time with my kids. I work because:

1. I am an attorney and that degree wasn't free, nor easy to attain. I have to pay off those massive loans rather than saddle the general public with that obligation , and to be honest, I'm proud of the accomplishment and my job, even if I don't love it.

2. More important, though, I work because I "have to" if I want my kids to grow up in a safe home, in a safe community, with great schools, and within reasonable distance to their cousins and grandparents. (And as we live in NJ, this doesn't come cheap). And I married for love, that didn't have money or a fantastically high-paying job . (Not implying those who married men with great jobs did so for money-just adding humor here).

3. Even if I could afford to stay home and still have the things mentioned in #2, the thought of relying on one income scares the heck out of me. I'm watching lots of families around here in serious stress mode for YEARS now because the mom never worked a day after marriage/birth of first child, their husbands have lost their good-paying jobs because of the terrible economy, and they've run through all of their savings because their husbands can't find good jobs. For years now. And college is approaching for their kids, etc. Could my husband and I both be laid off? Sure, but chances are we're in better shape with both of us working-just in case.

Despite feeling proud of my work and what I am able to provide to my children as a result, I still live with irrational yet nagging guilt most days I am away from my kids. It's been four years now of me doing this and it is still tough. But I know I wouldn't be very happy at home with them all day stressing about how the bills would get paid, or having them live in a crappy neighborhood with crappy schools (which is what we could afford on my husband's salary). So, I tell myself I'm doing a great job, the best that I can for my kids, and I keep going.

Red_Dahlia · May 2012

If DH made THREE TIMES what he makes, I would feel comfortable staying home and would do it in a heart beat. No questions asked. That would be enough money for us to still save for retirement, DD's college, travel, pay for activities for DD (dance, sports, etc), buy organic food, etc. All of those things are very important to us, and I wouldn't quit my job unless DH's salary allowed us to continue to pay for those things.

ETA: I love my job. I have a masters degree, and I LOVE what I do. I love being challenged, I love adult interaction, I love being self-sufficient (If anything happend to DH I would be able to support out family on my own). So, I'm not sitting at work every day sad that I'm working and missing DD. It isn't black and white like that. I love my life now. DD goes to a wonderful school, and our little family is happy and well taken care of. I just wanted to say that if we had tons of money, I would stay home in a heart beat. You can still be challenged, have adult conversation, etc as a stay at home mom. The only thing I would worry about is the self-sufficiency part. What if I stayed home for 10 years, and then found out DH was having an affair? I might feel trapped. How could I leave him without a job? What if something happened to him, and I ended up on my own?

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