Names and Family

alsustaire · May 2012

I have had a name picked out since 2008. I had a MC but still we wanted to use the name and made it clear to all of our family we wanted to use the name. My SIL is due with her 3rd child in June and has decided that they are using the name that I have have picked out. I know that she knows this is a name that means something to me. I can't help but be upset about this but then again I am not preggo but we are about to start ttc. Am I being crazy about this issue?

biomaj5 · May 2012

I'm sorry for your loss. IMO you'll just have to get over the name thing. Use your name as a middle name instead?

PurrBox · May 2012

I've heard other women complain that they're family is using a name that they made clear that they liked, and I don't see anything wrong with it in those situations. This, however, is much different. You were pregnant before and had intended on using that name for that baby. For that reason alone, I don't think it's appropriate for your sister-in-law to use that name, unless it happens to be a family name.

I'm with you on this. She shouldn't use that name, IMO. But unfortunately, I think you're going to just have to let it go.

Mysterious_wife · May 2012

PurrBox:
I've heard other women complain that they're family is using a name that they made clear that they liked, and I don't see anything wrong with it in those situations. This, however, is much different. You were pregnant before and had intended on using that name for that baby. For that reason alone, I don't think it's appropriate for your sister-in-law to use that name, unless it happens to be a family name.
I'm with you on this. She shouldn't use that name, IMO. But unfortunately, I think you're going to just have to let it go.

No one owns a name. She is SOL.

ashdonne · May 2012

Tough one! While its not right for her to use that name IMO---you can't control it and you don't "own" the name as MW said. You can decide to still use the name when you have a baby or you need to get over it. Some of our good friends had a baby boy a couple months before DD was born and named him Riley---we had already picked Ryleigh for our daughters name so we just talked to our friends and went with it. Its no big deal. Now within a family that might be different but maybe you'd just have to weigh in how much you see them and if it matters if you use the same name.

gogadgetgo · May 2012

If she knew about your desire to use the name and is using it anyway, then she's inconsiderate. But, as MW said, you don't own this name. You could always name your future child this name anyway. That's your right too.

Have you actually talked to your SIL about this? Or have you just biitched about it to a bunch of internet strangers? She'll never know that this really bothers you unless you talked to her.

PurrBox · May 2012

Mysterious_wife:
PurrBox:
I've heard other women complain that they're family is using a name that they made clear that they liked, and I don't see anything wrong with it in those situations. This, however, is much different. You were pregnant before and had intended on using that name for that baby. For that reason alone, I don't think it's appropriate for your sister-in-law to use that name, unless it happens to be a family name.
I'm with you on this. She shouldn't use that name, IMO. But unfortunately, I think you're going to just have to let it go.
No one owns a name. She is SOL.

I agree that no one owns a name, but isn't it weird that SIL is using the name that OP was planning on naming her miscarried baby?

Mysterious_wife · May 2012

PurrBox:
Mysterious_wife:
PurrBox:
I've heard other women complain that they're family is using a name that they made clear that they liked, and I don't see anything wrong with it in those situations. This, however, is much different. You were pregnant before and had intended on using that name for that baby. For that reason alone, I don't think it's appropriate for your sister-in-law to use that name, unless it happens to be a family name.
I'm with you on this. She shouldn't use that name, IMO. But unfortunately, I think you're going to just have to let it go.
No one owns a name. She is SOL.
I agree that no one owns a name, but isn't it weird that SIL is using the name that OP was planning on naming her miscarried baby?

No. All of the men in FILs side have the same middle name. Just a coincidence SIL and MIL have the same name as GMIL and her daughter along with a granddaughter. Edit: and niece has the name as a middle name

PurrBox · May 2012

Mysterious_wife:
PurrBox:
Mysterious_wife:
PurrBox:
I've heard other women complain that they're family is using a name that they made clear that they liked, and I don't see anything wrong with it in those situations. This, however, is much different. You were pregnant before and had intended on using that name for that baby. For that reason alone, I don't think it's appropriate for your sister-in-law to use that name, unless it happens to be a family name.
I'm with you on this. She shouldn't use that name, IMO. But unfortunately, I think you're going to just have to let it go.
No one owns a name. She is SOL.
I agree that no one owns a name, but isn't it weird that SIL is using the name that OP was planning on naming her miscarried baby?
No. All of the men in FILs side have the same middle name. Just a coincidence SIL and MIL have the same name as GMIL and her daughter along with a granddaughter. Edit: and niece has the name as a middle name

I see what you're saying, but it seems different to me when your using a name that was going to be that of the baby that was miscarried. Rubs me as being super insensitive.

alsustaire · May 2012

I never claimed to own the name. It is more of her not taking my feelings into account. I know that my brother knows how I feel and when she started telling people the name it took him by surprise because they had not decided on that name. It really rubs me the wrong way.

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