- Pregnancy
- Baby & Toddler
- Parents
- Getting Pregnant
- Baby Names
- Product Reviews
-
Registry
- Community
-
More
Want a personalized experience?
Download the free app
Babies: 9 - 12 Months
XP: Can I expect day and night from my live-in nanny?
**posted on 0-6 too
I've just hired a part-time live in nanny. She will be spending four
consecutive days here, as well as 3 nights. I have her for the nights
mainly because I will be going back to work and will need someone to
feed the baby at night so I can get adequate rest for my day.
She understands this, but I do have some concern about it. Do others
have this sort of arrangement with their live-in nanny? I would love
to hear your experiences.
In all honesty, her schedule won't be too challenging. She'll spend
the day here Monday, which will be partially shared by my mom - so
she'll have half the day where she is off duty. I am home on
Tuesdays, so would really only need her to give me some help if I need
to run errands, etc. I will be working Wednesdays and Thursdays, so
will need her full days then (as well as Tuesday and Wednesday overnight).
Does this sound reasonable? Thanks for any feedback!
This discussion has been closed.
Re: XP: Can I expect day and night from my live-in nanny?
Need help with high fat food ideas? Chunky Monkey
I don't have a nanny, but I think as long as you're clear on what you're expecting, and shee agrees to it, you're fine.
Btw, you've peaked my interest... what kind of job do you have?
I've just hired a part-time live in nanny. She will be spending four
consecutive days here, as well as 3 nights. I have her for the nights
mainly because I will be going back to work and will need someone to
feed the baby at night so I can get adequate rest for my day.
If you have the money to do it that's great! But it's not my style. I went in knowing that having a baby was going to mean sleepless nights. I also work part time, but I am also able to function at work on little sleep and I teach 20 little 6 and 7 year olds!!!!!!! (My DS is now sleeping from 7-7 straight, waking once at 5:30 for a 15 minute nursing session)!
If you are requiring the nanny both nights and days she as well will need to be well rested to adequatly care for your DC! I wouldn't want someone caring for my baby on little sleep. It's hard work to stay at home and she is going to need the rest and energy!
I don't think that is very reasonable. I would propose 3 days and 1 night, but not 4 days 3 nights. That's technically a 7 day work week and she should be paid accordingly.
I realize you need sleep etc.. but as a working mom with a sleepless daughter (or she was until very recently) you get used to it. Waking up once or twice a night won't kill you. However, if you're really opposed to it, then I'd suggest getting a day nanny and night nanny.
But as a former nanny myself, I agree with Hippy, that sounds utterly absurd in its expectation. In order to be at her best to deal with my child, I'd want her well rested and paid well.
This gig sounds pretty excessive.
I wouldn't think it would include nights (especially the late night feedings) but you could switch out a night for the Tuesday you will be home and for the 1/2 day on Monday. It is like pp's said, all about expectations. Get a contract and make sure both of you were on one page. Her hours should be about 40 a week in total give or take a little if she is FT.
My nanny's (I have 2) are PT so I'm not much for advice except of course COMMUNICATION. I already have had to let 2 girls go b/c they wouldn't be there when they said they would. Now I have my MIL and SIL #3 and they are awesome. They get that they need to be ready, on call at all times and when they are watching him what I expect: books, games, playtime, etc. HTH!
Also, I know most live in nanny's can be paid overtime to take a night now and then. We plan on having a nanny with our next one, simply for logistics and cost savings.
I would pay her for the occasional night but those would be at her discretion. Just because she lives with you doesn't mean you get to call on her "whenever.'' Her hours should be set out in a contract and should by by the book so to speak.
To me its as if my employer had a bed set up for me at work. It wouldn't mean I'd work 16-24 hours days. It would just mean I was closer to work, didn't have to pay for housing etc...
If you are set on having someone work the night shift, then why not have her work the nights before she is off the next day? I agree with pps that you don't want someone exhausted taking care of your child, and I also agree as a former nanny that this seems unlikely to work long-term. If she were able to go home and sleep after a long night, you will have a better chance at retention and a single-care provider for your child, which I'm guessing is the goal of having a nanny rather than putting your child in daycare. You would still be getting plenty of sleep to function at work because you would only be up with the baby 1/2 of the time, and you would be able to sleep on your days off.
FWIW, I'm a lawyer working full-time who takes care of the baby every night, even when he's up 5-6 times due to cold, teething, whatever, and I'm managing.
Honestly, as a SAHM, I don't think this sounds like a reasonable schedule for someone who isn't the child's parent (or maybe grandparent) to do. The round-the-clock care you're asking of your nanny isn't likely to be done with the kind of love that's needed to not lose your mind after 24 hours! I say this because, especially during the first 4 months of dd's life, I had many moments where I thought to myself, "Oh my goodness, it's a good thing I love this little baby of mine so much, or else I'd drop her off in Nebraska!"
Of course that wasn't really the case, but it's true that the care an infant needs is delivered best by someone who is well-rested and really loves the child. (And if you can't have both, which is the case for almost every mom-of-a-newborn out there, then I say better that it either be someone who loves the child and isn't well-rested OR someone who is well-rested and doesn't "love" the child like a parent would.) Otherwise, you risk that your nanny will leave the position quickly, or worse yet, putting your baby at risk for being cared for by an exhausted, impatient nanny....
Given that she's already hired, I'm going to assume that you've worked out the details such as salary, hrs, etc.
Using a night-nurse is quite common, and while I do know people who've used 24 hour nurses, in most cases there is a different day-nurse. As pps have mentioned, you don't want someone overtired and sleep deprived caring for your baby.
What will the nanny do when she's not with you? I would worry about her getting another, similar job - and thus not having any time to catch up on her sleep. And while she is with you, is she comfortable being on call 24 hours, which is essentially what you've proposed?
I think that is a more challenging schedule than you think. Trudging through a day after a long night is different when its your own child. I know I would be uncomfortable the days the nanny is there after "working" the night shift and that almost defeats the purpose. I'm not trying to flame but its your schedule doesn't sound too "challenging." If you're only working 3 days, I personally don't think the night nanny is really necessary. If anything, I would just hire her to work Mon-Thurs. You're home Friday and could nap during the day if you're really wiped out. You don't want to work on little sleep, yet its ok for your nanny? Your body will adjust to the sleep schedule. Again, its different when its your child.
DITTO STACY.
Things to consider before having a child!.......
SLEEPLESS NIGHTS...............We all do it.
I have to say I held back too. I was trying to be nice.
I have her for the nights mainly because I will be going back to work and will need someone to feed the baby at night so I can get adequate rest for my day.
I don't normally flame, but this line really bothered me.
It's bad enough that I had to go back to work, but that was out of necessity. I have a choice to get up with my baby in the middle of the night...and I don't care if I had all the money in the world, I would want my face to be the one that my baby sees in the middle of the night, not some 'stranger'. Sorry.
And no, I do not think this is reasonable. It sounds like she is 'on call' for three straight days. Depending how much your DD wakes during the night, do you want a woman who hasn't had a good night's rest in 72 hours caring for your child?
Oh come on stacy....just post what you are thinking...it's the LOTR way.
I was thinking the same thing. Make sure that you sit down with her and go over (in excruciating detail) exactly what you are expecting. If you don't, your new nanny is going to quit and you'll be SOL.
UGH!!!! I'm sorry I even signed on! I am not one to flame... I don't even post very often I am sooo annoyed by this. Why have a freaking baby.... OMG I think I need to walk away from the Nest.
All i can say is WOW. I will not say anything bad..........really want to....but not going to. The only thing i will say is that i agree with most of the ladies here. I don't think its fare to the nanny.
And this is why I'm noted as the bitch_ of the nest. just remember, I take the lumps for all you guys when you think it's valid too
Thank you guys for saying this! When I'd gone to bed last night I was still the only one who had posted and I was afraid I was the only one that thought this was crazy!
Need help with high fat food ideas? Chunky Monkey
you can expect what you pay for...
if you are paying her for days and nights and she agrees to it...then yes i think that is fine.
i don't know why people are getting all crazy saying "baby needs its mommy" and "your job doesn't seem that important that you need a nanny like that" or "didn't you know there would be sleepless nights?''
1st..baby needs someone (whoever will go in there, calm baby, feed baby and take care of baby's needs). for the 1st 2 months...dh was the only one that got up with ds (for various reasons). 2nd...we don't know anything about her job other than the title and some of the days she works. it is unfair to assume that her job is not that important. lastly...i think everyone knows there will be sleepless nights. she is not hiring a 24/7 nanny. and if she has the money and the will to have a nanny take care of her baby at night...good for her. who cares? it's not your kid...
~after 34 cycles we finally got our 2nd little bundle of joy~
My IF blog
Wow. Everyone here is so judgemental. As a lurker I am kind of surprised.
If she has the $$ and the nanny is qualified and agreed to the schedule, who are we to judge? Sounds like a full time position to me, but if the nanny is hired, then she's apparently okay with it.
Just because it wouldn't be a personal choice that we might make doesn't mean she shouldn't have a child, or that she deserves to be so angrily criticized.
I grew up with full time housekeeping/maid and nanny(ies), and I have and always had a WONDERFUL relationship with my mother. That someone else may have watched me as a baby has not impeded the love and relationship we have.
I think everyone needs to get a grip. Not everyone wants to be/can be a SAHM. Why crucify someone for wanting to hire help to care for a newborn, especially when they are going back to a high-profile, high-pressure executive job?
I just totally don't get why everyone is freaking out at this poor girl. But perhaps I'm more of the "to each his/her own" type . . .
We judge because those of us like me who work full time and go to school evenings and still dont have a full time nanny have no idea why she wouldn't want to spend that time wiht her child. I'm up 2-5 times a night with my child and still put in 10-14 hour days away from home and I wouldn't have it any other way. Why? Because I love him, and that's what mothers do.
Sine LOTR called me out and told me to 'release my feelings' -- i will. hell thanksgiving is almost over anyway.
I was a nanny to a woman very much like yourself (or how you are presenting yourself)--- she refused to get up in the middle of the night (she was a stay at home 'writer')-- she refused to change diapers, bath him, play with him. She wanted me to teach him how to say 'momma' --- are ya freakin kidding me lady?
so many days i thought- why did you bother to have children? you are missing out on this little dude's most awesome part of life because you are too busy having tea and going to private tennis lessons. it truly made me sick.
there were days he would cry for his mom when he saw her passing in the hall and she would just walk on by. truly broke my heart. I nannied for him for three years- (three weeks old to three years) He will be ten years old next week- and not a day goes by that i don't think of him and wonder what his life is like now.
We judge because those of us like me who work full time and go to school evenings and still dont have a full time nanny have no idea why she wouldn't want to spend that time wiht her child. I'm up 2-5 times a night with my child and still put in 10-14 hour days away from home and I wouldn't have it any other way. Why? Because I love him, and that's what mothers do.
yawn....well she is not you and you are not her.
if everyone was the same as everyone else....this world would suck a big one. thank goodness not everyone has the same views are everyone else.
~after 34 cycles we finally got our 2nd little bundle of joy~
My IF blog
Ditto Stacy and the other pps.
I really hope this is some sort of MUD to liven up the boards or something.
I'm with Byrne.... If they have an agreement and everyone is okay with it, to each their own!
It wouldn't be my choice, but who am I to say what is right for someone else?????
Stacy...this story made me sad.