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1st Trimester
Registering. Does this sound snotty?
Hi ladies and Happy Thanksgiving!
I have a sister in law who had a baby 4 years ago and most recently in September. I'm due at the end of June.
My mom and I went to BRU to look at furniture and to just browse around and everything I pointed out, she told me I could just borrow from my sister in law. Now, I know that is the smartest thing to do, but honestly, I kind of want to have my own things. My DH and I make a very decent living and are better off than any one in my family so it makes me feel like if I speak up, they may take it the wrong way. We already get crap from everyone when we buy a new car or expensive clothing, etc. My sister has already claimed that we are "rich" and don't need help with the furniture - which is absurd!
How would you feel about this?
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Re: Registering. Does this sound snotty?
I'm confused -- is the issue that you want to buy new things, and are afraid that your family will criticize you, or that you want your family to buy new things for you, and are afraid this will make you sound snobby?
if it's the former, then I would make whatever budget decisions you and your husband want to make (while keeping in mind the amount of waste generated by everyone buying brand new baby things that only get used for a short amount of time).
It its the latter, then you need to change your expectations. No one is required to help you buy baby furniture... especially if the reason you deserve new baby furniture is because you "make a very decent living and are better off than anyone in your family."
Some people have offer me too to use their baby things...but I'm sorry this is my first baby it's all new and exciting, I think its normal if you want to buy new things for your baby and if you are in the position to do it I say why not!
Just tell them thanks but you and your DH already have your heart set on X thing you saw the other day, maybe borrow a rocking chair or something like that so they don't feel too rejected.... that's what I'll do! GL!
I agree that nobody is expected to buy us anything for that matter! And I certainly don't expect my parents to buy us the furniture. In fact, I plan on buying it myself. The comment from my sister came while I was talking to her and I mentioned how nice it would be if they offered to help us with the furniture since it's so expensive.
So to answer the question, my concern is over the criticism I will get for registering for items that my sister in law already has.
Ditto 100%.
They'll understand you wanting your own stuff - and if they don't - they can get over it. Plan to purchase what you want. Don't expect other people to buy you stuff! Be grateful for any help you do receive - and realize that it is not required of people to purchase things for your baby.
That's probably what will happen. But no matter how much money you have, babies cost a lot of money. It's not like we just have a bunch of liquid money lying around either. We make a decent living but we are also very smart about our spending and investments.
Register for whatever you want... from the little things, up to and including furniture. If your family criticizes you, oh well. Just tell them that it's not that you must have new furniture, you just really like this particular design. Personally, although we can afford to buy the baby's furniture, we were happy to take whatever secondhand items we could get from family (e.g., we are getting a bassinet from my mom and a changing table from DH's cousin). Reduce, reuse, recycle.
You will probably end up buying most of the new furniture, but it doesn't hurt to register for it as well... though, based only on the showers I've been to, the mother-to-be usually doesn't get a lot of furniture or big-ticket items. Usually she gets a lot of clothes, and other smaller items off the registry. I have seen bigger gifts from grandmas, of course (like carseats, highchairs, etc). Maybe some of your friends or family members will go in together to purchase a piece of furniture. Just be thankful for what you do get, because that will mean more items you don't have to buy, and can spend on the new furniture.
it's totally normal to want your own things- and if you can affor them (or get them from a shower ) then there is no reason not to.
Yes- some things are only used a short time and some things are smart to use as hand me downs (or yard sales even) but 4 years is a long time and some things may have been recalled, etc. maybe have them at your mom's house as a 2nd set to use there?
you are a grown up - you can get what you want.
I agree. ?I would not register for furniture. ?Especially since you are saying your SIL is offering you yours. ?I totally get that you don't want to take it and want to buy your own, but if you are claiming that you want to buy your own because you have the money, then don't register for it. ?
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First your Mom has no business saying what your SIL is going to lend you. Your SIL may well need the stuff for her own baby, and maybe she isn't ready to part with it. Also, if her first child is almost 5 years old there could be a safety issue with them.
I'd feel your family is jealous of your sucess and which is why comments from your sister are out of line. They are already taking things the wrong way and speaking up is the only way to set them straight.
Expect nobody to help you with supplying your baby with anything. Try and be appreciative of the offer, but turn it down if you can afford your own. Babies outgrow things quickly and if borrowing things keeps more money in your pocket for more important things then make the wise choice. Almost all moms look back and say what a waste of money on some of the items we just had to have new.
I dont that you should be concerned about being criticized for registering for items that your sister has. What if a coworker or friend wants to buy something for you. They would not think "Oh, she could just get this from her sister" Im sure everyone is happy about your baby and is happy to contribute what they can.
I think you should enjoy buying for your baby and not worry what anyone else thinks. Let them think what they want, if you can afford it, buy it. If they want to buy something for you, they will...if not, oh well.
My husband and I also make more than anyone in our families, and we are not looking for them to buy us big items( furniture) because they know that we can afford it ourselves. but if we did know someone who offered to give us something, depending on what it is we would probably take it, so we can save money. But if we did not want it, so we could buy new....we would politley say no thank and not feel bad about it.....enjoy shopping for your "little blessing"
happy thanksgiving