Stuck in a rut?
lafayettegirl
member
Anyone else ever feel like, in the middle of all this adoption stuff, their marriage began to feel like it was stuck in a rut?
Between the IVF, the adoption paperwork, the waiting to be matched, and work, it just feels like DH and I have become more roommates than anything else. Plus, we're dead on in the middle of the supposed "seven year itch" so that doesn't help.
But seriously, we are in a funk and I know I am in a funk. The nursery is done, the house to-do list is done, the yard is done....I don't have anything to focus on and neither does he, so outside of work I watch tv upstairs and he watches tv downstairs and we meet in the middle for dinner.
Advice or suggestions? (Because of work, we aren't taking any vacations any time soon, so we can't entertain that idea)
Re: Stuck in a rut?
How about date nights? Make a plan to go out at least once a week. It could be dinner and a movie, but it could also just be a walk at the park.
We used to go to the bookstore, go out for ice cream, rent a movie, go to a concert...
How open to ideas is he??
When we got married, we implemented "No TV Tuesdays" and we've pretty much kept it up.... we also went w/o TV during Lent and that was great.
I find that we tend to retreat to opposite rooms to decompress too but if we make a pact to turn off the TV and/or computers, we tend to enjoy ourselves more. DH loves playing board games so we end up playing lots of Scrabble and trivia games... but atleast keeps us together.
No technology night - unplug it all.
Ditto date night - put a bunch of ideas in a jar & pull one out
Eating dinner together is huge!
Table topics - cube of hundreds of topics, even just for quick conversations
Naked night?
Cooking or baking together - not just meals
Free stuff - find events like concerts, farmers markets, etc.
After 5.5 years of loss, heartbreak, and empty arms, our dreams were fulfilled through the beautiful, selfless gift of adoption. We are amazingly blessed!
Blog About Us | Blog About RPL/IF/Adoption
After 5.5 years of loss, heartbreak, and empty arms, our dreams were fulfilled through the beautiful, selfless gift of adoption. We are amazingly blessed!
Blog About Us | Blog About RPL/IF/Adoption
I 100% relate to how you're feeling about being in a rut. We're waiting to be matched, and it constantly feels like we're a little anxious, impatient, etc. Now that we don't have the focus of setting up the nursery or writing our profile or anything actively involved in the process, it feels kind of taboo to bring it up, even though we're both thinking about it constantly, because talking about how anxious we are doesn't change anything. It's the elephant in the room, and because we're saving PTO and saving money, we can't afford to do much or take a getaway to get away from it for a little while. My hubby vegges out in front of the TV because it's a distraction, and I fly around like a crazy person working on the yard, fundraising, whatever keeps me active enough that my brain isn't working so hard.
We take the dog to the park, make dinners together, go to the movies now and then. We do make an effort. I just think this is a difficult thing to go through, and it's probably pretty normal to retreat into yourselves a little bit.
We're definitely going to try all of these things. I'm just relieved y'all seem to know how I feel. ERinmc1 - you said it. We retreat into ourselves so we don't have to talk about it, but it is the elephant in the room, that is for sure.
Thanks!!