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2nd Trimester
VanessaB24
member
baby shower vent...
VanessaB24
member
I'm a bit annoyed with my mother today...especially since i was thinking about it last night and couldn't fall back to sleep...
So a little back story... i didn't hear anything about a baby shower being thrown for me from my mom so i mentioned to her if she was going to do it i'd like it to be at our house. apparently that was a BIG mistake... i got the guilt trip from her for days...because it was supposed to be a surprise baby shower. Uh..ok well the thing is when she threw my surprise bridal shower she didn't do a great job with invites and none of my friends could be there and she didn't ask my DH for any of his family addresses plus invites went out 2 weeks before the bridal shower. Other than that its was a nice shower even with though i didn't know some women there. The guilt trip from my mom was that i shouldn't have mentioned it to her and that its was supposed to be a surprise and that i shouldn't have it at my house because your not supposed to. then she goes on to say she was going to call my DH and ask for addresses and she was going to ask him if it would be ok to have it at our house... i'm like ok??? you just said that i shouldnt have it at my house...WTF?! So finally i called her a few days later and started crying about how she made me feel bad about the whole thing and she's like don't feel bad its ok.. UM! then why are you such a B*tch!? So anyway, i call her last night and she doesn't ask but demands that my DH stay for the shower, because we are a couple and we're married and we should be there together. I asked DH if he was going to stay a few weeks ago and he said no that he'd go out with his dad... i told him fine either way i don't mind. Now i have to talk to DH about staying to say hi to everyone in the beginning and if he wants to go out then to go but come back so we can open gifts together. UGH! All i know is that she better not want my H there because she wants other men to be there too like her b/f and his brother.. We don't have a HUGE house to fit 40 people. It's not happening. I know i have to talk to her about it but it really pisses me off when she demands things. I appreciate what she does for me and that she's throwing this shower for us but compromise with me don't say we have to do something. Talking to her is going to suck...she get real offensive and b*tchy.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: baby shower vent...
That's rather unfortunate that your mother is generous enough to throw you two showers.
No, you shouldn't have mentioned it to her in the first place. It's her gift to you and you can't dictate terms.
Dafuq?
Like mother, like daughter anyone?
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I know, right? What a b1tch.
So you're saying that you're not even allowed to mention a baby shower to your mother and just hope that one magically surprises you? How would you know if you should bother reistering or not? Not saying you should flat out demand a shower and all it's details, but it's your mother...hopefully you feel comfortable enough to at least talk about the subject.
If her mom wanted to keep it a surprise she could had just said not to worry about it or that she is taking care of it, not give her a guilt trip because she asked a question.
I am SO with you on this!
I never demanded to have a baby shower... i just said "if"...
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I know! Sorry I'm just sick of people flaming everyone all of the time on here! Maybe its te hormones but god people are rude!! If you don't agree with someone fine, post your opinion, but the sarcasm and to just straight call you a b!tch is a little over the top and dramatic for my taste.
You started with if... and then started making demands for a hypothetical shower.
No one should expect a shower; bridal, baby or otherwise. It is a gift. This doesn't have to stop you from registering either. Plenty of women do not get a shower but create registries anyways, myself included. They can be helpful for sorting out what you want and most retailers offer completion coupons. You can make them public or keep them private.
Why would you even ask in the first place? Why do you EXPECT that she should throw you a shower? If you can't handle the responses (from internet strangers, BTW), then you shouldn't come off as sounding like such a brat.
I didn't make a demand. I said if you were thinking about throwing a shower i offered our house.I didn't say MOM throw me a shower and it has to be at our house. i don't see how i demanded to have a shower and have it at my house. And if her plan was to surprise me then she didn't have to go off about it.
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I'm taking the responses... i'm not calling anyone names or cursing anyone off like i know a few women on here did... i've seen the posts. I'm also allowed to respond to who ever i want without being a b*tch.
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That's not how I interpreted your original post. I believe it says, "so i mentioned to her if she was going to do it i'd like it to be at our house". That sounds like a demand to me. Quite honestly, it sounds as if you caught your mom off-guard and she got defensive. I don't blame her.
You're right. I did type that. But I offered it. Probably should have typed that instead. my fault..
It doesn't matter now since I was in the wrong for "mentioning" it to her. Oh well. Won't be doing that again.
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TTC since 10/2010-BFP 12/23/2011
Baby 2.0 BFP 10/16/2015
First I have to apologize on behalf of all of the rude ladies on here, whether they want to apologize or not. I don't believe it's right to treat people like that and call them names when all you were doing is venting. There is no need for negative, tactless comments.
Second, I don't know what rules of politeness dictate what is and is not appropriate to ask your mother. Everyone is different. Also I think it's important to mention that all of the other ladies on here who are giving advice on proper etiquette should perhaps take a class themselves.
Third, just because someone is doing something nice for you, doesn't mean you are at their mercy for everything. Your mother should understand that. I have had my fair share of expierences where someone has given me a 'gift' and then dictated everything about it, whether I agreed or not.
Good Luck!
V- ill throw you a shower and you can have it where ever you want and mention it everyday!
I hope every new mom has someone to throw them a shower. I think it's a wonderful tradition, even more so than bridal showers. After all of the baby showers that we have and will attend throughout the years, I sure the heck hope everyone gets a chance to have their turn. It's so nice to be able to help a new family get ready for their most important part of life. I will never pass up the chance to be able to do so, especially now.
Amen!! Very well said.
Thank you for defending me, but I'm a big girl i can take it. Again I'm not cursing or post a new post calling people out. Or DD this post... so whatever. I'm not trying to take over the shower. Like i told my mom i wasn't trying to take over the shower that she is throwing me because i'm her only daughter...i know she does it out of love for me and i told her that. Perhaps i came out as "bratty" or "demanding" but in reality i'm not and my DH can tell you that because he always thinks my family tries to bend over backwards for my 2 brothers and not for me. I was just venting.. i wasn't expecting puppies and rainbows...so thanks for everyone's "input"
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Be careful! You might fall off that high horse!
It looks like you were trying to save your self from another embarrasing situation. Let's be real here, etiquette does demand that you not ask for a shower, but it also demands that your husband's side of the family be invited in a timely fashion.
Maybe she went on the defensive because she knows she screwed it up last time and is going crazy trying to "make up for it" this time.
Either way don't worry about it, the baby will be here soon enough and then the real fun with mom begins.
Don't listen to the snarkies. In my book a vent is just that - a vent. It's not about whether what I feel is right or rational, its about getting it off my chest. point. blank. period.
So, I agree with the others who think you might be being a bit bratty (or overly hormonal with your reaction) about this, but I'll let that go.
Maybe she has something planned that involves both parents, and that's why she needs to make sure your H is there? Or maybe (like me, my H was happily at our shower last weekend, as were some of the husbands, boyfriends and nephews) she feels the notion that the baby gifts are just for the mother is antiquated, since fathers play an integral role in parenting these days, so he might want to be there to see what you got and thank everyone too?
Yes. That's usually how it goes. You register either way because you don't know (if anyone) who might be throwing you one. What if your Mom couldn't afford to throw you one, but your best friend decided to instead? Wouldn't your mom feel like a jerk when you ask her about your shower? That's why you don't do it.
Did your mom overreact? Probably. Should you have walked up and brought up a shower to her at all? Not even a little bit. Would you walk up to her and start giving her directions on what kind of Christmas present to give you without being prompted? No, not "here's a general list of what I'd like. I mean "I want this specific thing in this specific color, and nothing else will do."
A shower is a gift. It is not an expected thing. YOU do not bring up the shower. YOU do not partake in planning of the shower except a few minor details, when asked first, and providing an address list. Even if the shower sucks, you know what? It's a gift. These people are coming together to celebrate you and the new little life you're about to bring into the world. Sit there, smile, and gush over everything. Send thank you cards promptly and be truly thankful you have people in your life who care about you enough to want to throw you a shower at all.
After 7 years of no ovulation...
BFP#1 10/24/11 ~ EDD 6/29/12 ~ Natural m/c 11/2/11
BFP#2 2/3/12 ~ Alice born 9/26/12
Werd!
I kind of love you.
After 7 years of no ovulation...
BFP#1 10/24/11 ~ EDD 6/29/12 ~ Natural m/c 11/2/11
BFP#2 2/3/12 ~ Alice born 9/26/12
Obviously her mom didn't find it appropriate to be asked about it, now did she? I think her post was bratty because she was throwing a fit that it needs to be at her house, but then it can't be at her house if the guys are invited, and now she has to ask her H to be there at mom's request (oh no!)... I'm not saying she has to follow all the rules, but in this case, toeing the line a little and being a smidge more grateful could've been in order.
Well bless your heart.
This. It can be frustrating if people aren't organized, but at the end of the day, it's not your shower to plan. Just let her do it, be grateful however it turns out and try not to get sucked into the details. As for your H, I know mine would have been bored to tears with a bunch of women all oohing and ahhing over onesies. I think unless all men in the family and friends are coming, he should be able to get ou for the day.t
True dat.
First of all, what does registering have to do with having a shower? I'm registered so that I can get the completion discount at the end, and because I know that friends/family/coworkers like a place to look IF they decide to give me a gift at all for the baby.
No, you should not ask about a shower. To anyone. If someone mentions it, great for you. If not, then so be it. Showers are nice gifts, but not a requirement. I will not be having a shower. Or at least if I am, I have heard nothing about it. So I will just go with the assumption that I am not being thrown a shower. And guess what? I'm OK with that.
That's fine. If you asked her for her input, that's one thing. Did she come to you and say, "Oh hey, I want this, this and this..."? That's different.
Good for you.