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Blended Families
Did I do the right thing?
Of the boards I visit you all seem to be the most upfront and opinionated so I need either reassurance or conformation of whether I was wrong. I work with 2 women who have been friends for a long time. Woman A Ive worked with and been what I thought was friends for 2 years. Woman B started about 4 months ago and I really was becoming friends with. Woman B told me that A was going to have an abortion and she went for an appt and they told her she was a little over 4 months along and they wouldnt do it so she made an appt at somewhere that would. She told me not to say anything but I cannot look A in the face and act like everthing is normal. I came home and looked at my 8 month old and bawled for a long time. It was keeping me up at night to think that someone in my bubble was considering doing this. I can see if you were raped by your father or something, I dont know what I would do in a rape situation but this girl has slept with alot of people and doesnt know who the father is and doesnt want it to ruin her rep or something. I have heard in the past she is on drugs/pills also, which I havent seen but I do believe is true. Well I saw her a few days later and I started tearing up and ended up telling her that I overheard and dont know if I have the right info but I hope she burns in hell if she chooses that. She has two children and I told her that she would have to look them in the face every day and know that she destroyed a life that had feelings and organs and etc. I asked if she knew the process of it that far along and she denied everything. Acted like she was stunned but after I was told I made sure to look at her belly and see if there were signs of her even being pregnant and she definately was. So i know she was lying but even so I feel like I did the right thing because maybe hearing someones words out loud will make her change her mind. Well woman B quit because of it and told me I betrayed her confidence. I never told woman A who said anything. My husband said I shouldve stayed out of it but I told him the worst thing you can do is nothing. and this is life and death of a child not just some women gossiping at work. B told me " you want her to have a drug addicted baby" and I said of course not but she has 6 months of the child in the womb that with the help of her doctor she could ween the baby and have a healthy child. B and I ended up mending things but she still quit at work. B is still talking to A and prays that she can talk her out of it too but in the end I guess its noones choice but hers.
Mommy of two
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Did I do the right thing?
You sound like a nut job.
Mind your own business.
Wow you had no right to say anything to her. It has nothing to do with you so you. Are you going to be there why she is pregnant? Are you going to care for and raise her baby? Are you going to pay for it? No. So mind your business.I wouldn't have an abortion but that doesn't give me the right to tell someone to burn in hell.
I also think it's stupid B said you betrayed her confidence. How about how she betrayed A's confidence!
You were absolutely wrong. It was none of your business, and you have no right to impose your beliefs on someone else.
Who do you think you are?
How she lives her life is her choice. How things go down between her and her 'maker' is her business. She will have to live with the choices she makes.
Who are you to interfer?
By the way, your actions were completely unprofessional. Had I been the lady you lashed out at, I would have been in my boss's office in a hot second. My next stop would have been HR.
Exactly. WTF is wrong with you? I'm sorry but I cannot stand people like...well...you. "I should've came to her more calmly" HUH? UMMM NO, you shouldn't have went to her at all! It is NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS. Stay out of other peoples lives and worry about your own. I feel horrible for this poor woman having to stand there and listen to you...or to even know you for that matter.
PP's have said it all. You were totally, completely out of line in every possible way.
Uhm. No you did not at all.
3 in 10 women will have an abortion by the time they are 45. So this is very common. Your judgment did absolutely nothing but probably drive her further into her coping mechanism of alcohol or pills.
This was totally not your business and it will NEVER be your right to be someone's judge and jury. While I could never choose abortion for myself, I also could NEVER judge something for making a legally sound decision for herself and her pregnancy. You need to apologize big time. BIG TIME.
You sound like a horrible person to be around in a difficult time.
To be blunt, if you agree with abortion in certain situations what right do you have to decide it's wrong in other situations. Who determined you are the one who decides when it's ok and when it's not. If she is considering this and is unsure of anything what you have said and they way you acted will not help at all. Name calling, wishing someone will "burn in hell" and guilting them to do things they way you deem correct is not ok. EDIT The decision was likely not made lightly and she is probably in a very stressful and difficult situation which you have made much worse. That's also not ok.
Your husband is right, you should have minded your own buisness. If you felt that you needed to say something you could have tried just listening and being a friend.Whether or not you agree with abortion you have no right to tell someone they will burn in hell. You really couldn't know that, you are not God.
IF abortion is legal and allowed then it's not fair for anyone to say which people are allowed to have one. Whatever the reason the action is the same and the result is the same. IF you are opposed to the act of abortion then stick with that. EDIT To clarify, If you are against abortion that's your choice and that's fine, what's not fine is doing what you did and attempting to tell everyone when it's ok and when it's not.
EDIT I think abortion is wrong in any circumstance but I would never make it illegal and I would never judge someone who had one or was considering it. People need to make decisions that are right for themselves. We'd all be better off offering help, understanding and support to people make the best decisions they can and help them deal with the results after. (whatever the decision)
Honestly I think you were in the wrong and should have just stayed out of it. Woman B should have kept her big mouth shut. You want to do something good with the world? Help the kids in Africa. Put some time into Love146. Don't put your nose in others business and purposely try to hurt someone by telling them to burn in hell. Yes I think abortion is a touchy subject but that doesn't make it okay for you to be horrible to her. For the record abortion isn't okay in my book either. But I know when to not overstep.
You were sitting their crying and not sleeping and night because of someone else's issues? When you had a baby right there in your arms? Sound like her issues aren't the underlying issues for you.
I'm sorry, what???? This statement doesn't make sense to me. Have you ever heard of compassion? I can think of many times I have been moved to tears or uneasy over someone else's issues or problems. And no, it had nothing to do with me or any of my children.
To OP, it wasn't your place to condem her because that isn't what God teaches us to do. You are to love people where they are (even if they are living out of God's will) and lift them up in prayer. What you should have done was keep the information to yourself, go home and pray and interseed for her and her situation and ask God to show her they right way to handle her situation. Ever heard of "let go and let God". Now if she had come to you, then you could have shared your opinion IN LOVE, but because she didn't, you should have prayed about it and asked God to show her the way.
I'm sure you feel bad enough so me jumping on the banwagon with the pp's and calling you names isn't going to help. What you can do is go back to her and apologize for how you came at her and let her know that she can come to you in the future without judgement if she ever needs a friend. And leave it at that. GL
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"Karma1969: If baking someone a birthday pie/cake is romantic, I must be a slut."
It did make me seem less compassionate. Trust me I have cried over others issues. But what struck me as odd is losing sleep over it. This is just my opinion. But after reading it I realized I should just left that part out all together because some handle others issues differently
Okay. First, you were very wrong to even bring this up to her. She did not confide in you, which means that you do not know the whole story, or even if it's true. I'm sorry, but you looked at her belly and could tell she was definitely pregnant? I call BS.
Second, you shouldn't have given your opinion at all, let alone before even knowing the truth.
Third, you were a b!tch about it. You never tell a friend to burn in he!!.
Fourth, woman b was right to leave and to be pissed at you. She shouldn't have confided in you, but even someone elses secret can be hard to bear alone. You did betray her confidence.
Fifth, you say that this is 'life and death of a child, not just some women gossiping at work'. You're wrong. That's exactly what it was.
TTC since 10/2010-BFP 12/23/2011
Baby 2.0 BFP 10/16/2015
::Lurker In::
You are an assshole.
::Lurker Out::
NO, YOU DID NOT DO THE RIGHT THING.
***.
" I did the right thing because maybe hearing someones words out loud will make her change her mind. "
Right. I mean, personally, whenever someone tells me they hope I burn in hell, I seriously re-evaluate my own position and take theirs into heavy consideration.
I hope your coworkers told you what a dirty, rotten snatch you are.
I have two things to say to you.
1. The only person going to hell based on the situation is you for your closeminded judgementall asss.
2. I hope you get fired. That was not only one of most shiitastic "friends" I have ever heard of, but you confronted her about a medical issue that was none of your business and then brought religion into it, and that can be grounds for a firing.
3. I know I said it was two items, but I really need to bring it back around to what a waste of space you are and how I really look forward to your asss getting fired.
"We like nothing better than buffing our Zygoma. And imagining a horny time traveling long overcoat purple scarf wearing super sleuth nordic legend fuck fantasy. Get to work on that, internet." Benedict Cumberbatch
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Your stupidity frightens me
Ditto.
OP - you're a total a$$hole and I don't feel bad judging you since you so freely judge others whom you call a "friend." And stay out of other people's wombs!
...baby #3 is here...
FTW
This is probably MUD, but for the improbable case it isn't...
I'm a HARDCORE prolifer, I'm also a christian. I'm sure I would have felt compelled to do something, but I have to say what you did here was terrible. Wishing someone to burn in hell seems like the right thing to do here? does it seem like a compassionate thing to do? how about offering some moral support, even a shoulder to lean on? How about offering to babysit? inviting her to church? arranging a playdate? or anything else to maybe put her mind at ease and MAYBE, only maybe, have her rethink this (given that it is true). All this could be done without you actually revealing that you heard any rumors.
I think a little love and understanding could have gone a little further in this case. Having an abortion is almost always a gut-wrenching decision and I'm sure she felt there is absolutely no way out. Your actions, sadly didn't help matters.
No, you did not do the right thing. Judgemental witch.
And by witch, I mean b!tch.
With your nosy pushiness, you made a great case for both atheism and the inherent hypocrisy of anti-choicers. Good work!
oh, and a 4-month fetus does not have feelings. Its brain is neither capable of emotion nor sensation at that point. HTH!
https://www.nytimes.com/2005/08/24/health/24fetus.html
https://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/37920310/ns/health-health_care/t/fetus-cant-feel-pain-weeks-study-says/
If any of three women in this story, A, B, and C (you), are going to "burn in hell", it's not A.
I'll let you guess what "C" stands for.
Congratulations on being judgemental, uncompassionate, and narrow minded. Hope that works out well for you. You know, at the Pearly Gates and all.
I don't post on this board, but I had to comment...
OP, what you did was truly awful. I'm not talking about your opinions on abortion; I'm talking about what you did and how you did it. Telling her to burn in hell if she aborts? Please, show me where in the Bible that sort of behavior is encouraged, because I seemed to have missed that part. And that part about you being able to tell she was pregnant just because you heard she was 4 months along? Bullsh!t. At 20 weeks, I'd just barely popped; I looked chubby, not pregnant. Not every woman is obviously pregnant at 20 weeks, you nitwit. For all you knew, she might've just hit up Daylite Doughnuts a few too many times recently!
FTR, I'm 100% pro-life. I take that phrase totally at face value, meaning that I'm solidly against abortion except in the case where the mother's life is threatened by the pregnancy (like an ectopic pregnancy), in which case, I'm all for saving at least 1 life instead of losing 2. I'll never support making abortions illegal as long as there are no exceptions made for true medical purposes. And if it was me, I wouldn't have stood by and watched a friend do it, either--I would've tried meeting up with her outside of the workplace, and then gently attempted to talk about it, see if she'd open up and tell me, and then I'd listen to her long before I talked to her. Definitely no emotional, guilt-trip-laden, go-rot-in-hell outbursts like what you gave.
Bad form, OP, bad form...