To those that have only had c-sections...

Happily Overwhelmed · May 2012

Do you feel like you missed out?

I'm trying to decide whether I'd like to shoot for a RCS or try for a VBAC next time.

In ways I feel like I failed (stupid I know) and want to prove that I can go through pushing a baby out (also stupid I know).

At the same time my c-section went so smoothly that I'm thinking it's best to go that route again.

pinkmoonlight · May 2012

For the longest time I felt cheated. I felt alone and felt that I missed out on an amazing experience. I was shooting for a VBAC until my 32 week appointment when I decided to go with a c-section then only a few weeks later find out that I would have had one regardless due to baby been Frank Breech. Baby flipped head down last week but I think baby is now back to breech this week... we will see.

However now that I am 2 weeks from my scheduled c-section and have had some time to come to terms with everything. I realize my feeling are more so because I missed my daughters birth by being put under general. It was not because of the c-section or that I missed out, but more so because I did not hear her first cry. People were disrespectful of me and came to the hospital and held her before I even got the chance to see her or know I had a daughter.

I am happy with my decision now. I am ok that I am having a second c-section. Nervous about it and being awake since I have no idea what that will be like but I am ok with it.

sabrina69barnes · May 2012

Not at all. After DS1 was born by c-section I did feel like I failed and was sure I'd want a VBAC the next time. Up until a few days before DS2 was born I was insisting on a VBAC and then I decided that another c-section would be the best choice. I didn't want to deal with the possibility of failure and decided that another c-section would be much better emotionally if it was on my terms so I had a RCS. I never regretted this decision and after I made it I felt very at peace with it. I'll be having my 3rd c-section on Monday. This is my last baby. There is no way I'll ever have a vaginal birth and I'm completely ok with that. I don't feel like I'm missing an experience, just getting a different one.

Happily Overwhelmed · May 2012

sabrina69barnes:
Not at all. After DS1 was born by c-section I did feel like I failed and was sure I'd want a VBAC the next time. Up until a few days before DS2 was born I was insisting on a VBAC and then I decided that another c-section would be the best choice. I didn't want to deal with the possibility of failure and decided that another c-section would be much better emotionally if it was on my terms so I had a RCS. I never regretted this decision and after I made it I felt very at peace with it. I'll be having my 3rd c-section on Monday. This is my last baby. There is no way I'll ever have a vaginal birth and I'm completely ok with that. I don't feel like I'm missing an experience, just getting a different one.

Awesome way of thinking!

I think some of my questioning/concern stems from my inlaws saying "I told you so" and "I knew you'd have a c-section" like I couldn't handle a vaginal birth. And my side was nothing but apologies. It's like I feel the need to prove others wrong. Dumb I know.

Curious--are you choosing to stop at three? My doctor's office requests no more than 3 c-sections. Obviously they probably get pushed to do more sometimes. When my doctor told me this it hit a nerve though. DH and I had planned to have 3-4 children. I hate going against a professional opinion though.

tbrp2005 · May 2012

Never felt cheated...I have had 2 and with my first I had a feelingvtowards the end tat I would have a c/s, so maybe mentally I was a little prepared. Most of the woman on my moms side have had sections bc of not progressing, so I figured that would be me and I was right. I figure the end result is the same and it was kinda neat w #2 to kmow we picked his bay.

HarrietNJMommy · May 2012

I do still feel like i missed out and never got a choice in the matter. I carry small, and both my girls were footling breech (head up, feet down). I have NEVER felt labor pains, contractions (real or BH), water breaking, etc. This is for all 3 PG......

My son was in proper position, but I was not allowed to VBA2C - that rule changed about 1 year AFTER I had my son. I really would have liked to VBAC at that point.

Now, it's pretty much a moot point. I need to have c-section #4. There is really no chance of me attempting to VBA3C unless I want a home birth, and I'm not going that route for many reasons.

GL to you!

treble_clef · May 2012

I felt like I was missing out when I had my first, but my c-section (breech baby) was so great that I didn't care as soon as I saw him. I was offered a chance to vbac, but it turned out that my second was also breech. So, oh well. Now, I really don't care how they came out. When I look at my daughter, I don't wish she came out from my vagina. I'm just happy to have my baby!

magdalina.h · May 2012

Yup. I never had a chance to try a vaginal delivery because Aidan was a micro preemie. Im starting to come around to accept that if I had a vaginal delivery with him I would not have had my 8 days with him and that is more important to me.

MrsSarahL · May 2012

Absolutely not. I don't feel like I missed anything. I still carried my child and gave birth, not in the traditional sense of the word, but a baby did come out of me. Like a pp said, all I cared about was getting my DD into the world in the safest way possible and if a cs was it, then that was it.

arevans31 · May 2012

I felt I wanted a vaginal birth because better recovery but her head just wasn't coming down and I didn't want to be one of those people with a 4th degree tear. One of my friends had one and from the sounds it seems worse than my c section. Anyway my dd weighed 9 lbs 1.5 oz. She also had a 2 vessel cord which can mean they can have some problems gaining weight obviously she didn't have any problems lol. My ob said that was the biggest baby he has seen with a 2 vessel cord. So I don't feel bad at all with her weighing that much and my plan for the next is a repeat c section!!! I'm happy with how things turned out!!

manbearpig31610 · May 2012

I did feel like I missed out after my first. With my second I was trying to vbac but I never went in to labor and at my 41 week appt I had zero progress so I had to schedule the csection (ob would ave induced if I had some progress). After seeing how easy my rcs and recovery were (the first one was really rough) I don't feel like I missed out at all! I'm actually pretty thankful that I didn't have to go through all the drama of labor and never will again. I could not have asked for a better birth experience the second time around. I'm so glad it turned out the way it did!

melissaannbutz · May 2012

I just had my baby girl 3 weeks ago and ended up with a c section after 30 hours of labor and 1 1/2 hours of pushing. When she wasn't making it through my pelvis my doctor said we needed to consider going to c-section or potentially we could try using the vacuum to get her out. I asked for 2 more contractions to push through and then we'd go to the vacuum. I was bound and determined she was coming out the old fashioned way especially after everything I'd been through the past 2 days. Midway through pushing in the 2nd contraction her heart rate dropped and they quickly gave me medication to stop my contractions. We had to do a c-section because she was getting stressed. Going into delivery the last thing I wanted was a c-section. However I didn't feel robbed of the experience because I know I did absolutely everything I could to have her vaginally. Afterwards my OB told us my pelvis is extremely small and there is no way she would've fit and how if she would've known that we would have went straight to c-section so I didn't have to go through everything I did. I'm actually really relieved because I know for future pregnancies I never have to deal with contractions, pain or waiting and waiting for baby to come. It will just be here is your time slot, we'll have a baby by such and such time. It is a huge relief to me. I had an excellent recovery with next to no pain just soreness, hopefully I'm just as lucky the next time.

aprillle · May 2012

Nope, dont feel like I missed out on anything. I had a baby and I am a regular mom just like everyone else.

Jayhawk08 · May 2012

I ABSOLUTELY feel like I missed out! I had gone through my entire labor without medication and I was pushing when his heart rate crashed and despite every effort to bring it back up they decided it wasn't safe and he needed to come out. It turns out he had tied his feet up with the cord and wasn't able to move down so the section was completely necessary and I agree with that and support the decision my providers made. However as I had been having a natural birth I didn't have an epidural in place so general anastesia was necessary and my husband wasn't allowed in the room until after our baby was already out. So neither of us heard him cry or saw him in those first few minutes which is absolutely devastating for both of us. So it's possible I wouldn't feel so hurt by the whole thing if we had "been there" for our son's birth.

I am completely happy and so greatful that my son his alive, and healthy and I wouldn't change that for anything, but that doesn't mean I can't mourn the loss of the natural birth that I planned for not only myself but more importantly for my baby. He was lucky to have the benefits of a natural labor and he went through the majority of the steps of a natural birth but he still missed out on some of the benefits and bonding. Thankfully they still had him on and BFing before I was even alert, which makes me both happy and sad. I'm happy that he got the BFing that he needed within the first hour, but I'm sad that I can't remember the experience.

So I absolutely plan to VBAC, but for me the risks of needing an RCS are a lot lower than they are for many moms as I labored perfectly and ha no progression issues and the reason for the section was isolated to my baby tying himself up with the cord and nothing to do with either of our bodies not knowing how to labor or failing to progress or a big baby small pelvis etc.

Nobody can tell you what choice is right for you everybody is different and only you can make the right choice for you. Good luck!

Strawberrywine · May 2012

I feel like I missed out. I wanted a VBAC all times and everytime it has been out of my control and has had nothing to do with the signals from my body or my baby.

My c/s were caused by unwanted and unneeded induction. I was uneducated and didn't know I didn't have to have it.

2nd c/s didn't go into labor by due date. Randomly they couldn't get the spinal to work and had to put me under g/a.

3rd c/s I went into labor but at the last second, hospital realized they did not allow VBA2C and I had to be c/sed.

I try to remember that I can't experience everything in life and that I have my own journey that is mine alone. I have all boys and would love a girl but my life's experience is to have sons. I will be someone who gets to know what it means to have a house full of boys.

I wish that women didn't feel so rushed to make a final decision about VBAC or c/s and could wait until their body or baby told them what would be best for them. In other words, if baby is healthy and you go into labor VBAC. If complications start to arise, have a safe and healthy c/s. It makes me feel sad when women feel as if they have to choose before they know what's going to be best for them. I think we get disappointed in thinking that we got to choose when it's not really a choice that you can make.

Trissie18 · May 2012

For me it's not a matter of feeling like I missed out, I just sometimes wonder what the experience would have felt like.

DS#1 was an emergency cs after he went into distress 13 hours into labor. However, I was warned during my 40 week internal that the chances of me delivering vaginal were slim due to a very narrow pelvic arch.

For DS#2, the dr offered a VBAC if I met certain conditions but we decided right from the beginning that I didn't have a good chance of meeting those conditions (specifically a baby less than 7 lbs) so we decided on a secheduled cs. I felt this also allowed me to feel at peace with the decision rather than feel utter failure and disappointment after getting my hopes set on a VBAC and ending in another emergency cs.

I ended up going into labor two and a half weeks before my scheduled cs date but I felt more in control and knew what to expect so the experience was even better for me. The coolest part was when the anesthesiologist held up the mirror so I could watch them pull the baby out and DH and I got to see at the exact same time it was a boy (team green).

magdalina.h · May 2012

wife07mom09:
NO
I dont get this line of thinking. Who cares how the baby comes out? You carried the baby and had the baby. It is not like a csection is effortless. It too comes with risks and a much longer recovery.
I didn't fail my first time (was emergency c) and the RCS scheduled soon isjust how my baby is coming. I am prepared for the pain but also a little grateful not to have to worry about tearing, incontinence after delivery, or permanenet changes to my vagina anatomy to make sex less comfortable. So that's my 2 cents!

I don't get it for people who had healthy babies. If Aidan had survived I wouldn't feel like I missed out.

sabrina69barnes · May 2012

Happily Overwhelmed:
sabrina69barnes:
Not at all. After DS1 was born by c-section I did feel like I failed and was sure I'd want a VBAC the next time. Up until a few days before DS2 was born I was insisting on a VBAC and then I decided that another c-section would be the best choice. I didn't want to deal with the possibility of failure and decided that another c-section would be much better emotionally if it was on my terms so I had a RCS. I never regretted this decision and after I made it I felt very at peace with it. I'll be having my 3rd c-section on Monday. This is my last baby. There is no way I'll ever have a vaginal birth and I'm completely ok with that. I don't feel like I'm missing an experience, just getting a different one.

Awesome way of thinking!

I think some of my questioning/concern stems from my inlaws saying "I told you so" and "I knew you'd have a c-section" like I couldn't handle a vaginal birth. And my side was nothing but apologies. It's like I feel the need to prove others wrong. Dumb I know.

Curious--are you choosing to stop at three? My doctor's office requests no more than 3 c-sections. Obviously they probably get pushed to do more sometimes. When my doctor told me this it hit a nerve though. DH and I had planned to have 3-4 children. I hate going against a professional opinion though.

DH had two kids when we got married so this is the 5th child for our family and it feels complete. My OB loves babies and never gave me a limit. He just said we would take it one at a time and see how my body does.

katmacwv · May 2012

I had a c-section with DD and because this LO will probably the same size as DD or larger, I'm not attempting a VBAC. We had decided on a c-section with DD due to her size and something narrow in the birth canal. My water broke while we were in the process of scheduling the c-section, but I had come to terms with the decision and never felt like I missed out on anything.

nealbl · May 2012

No I don't. The decision to do C-section was one to save my daughter's life and I am ok with it. It was an easy C-section and an easy recovery. When I read back through my birthstory it is filled with happiness and that is how I feel when I read it.

If my body goes into labor this time before my scheduled RCS then I am going to attempt VBAC. If I end up with Csection again I am ok with it.

Daisy22 · May 2012

I've never had one ounce of regret or sadness or anger towards my c/s. I don't feel like I missed out on anything and I'm prefectly fine with have my c/s.

Triathletegirl · May 2012

I had a csection after 18 hours of labor and never dialating past a 3 or 4. According to the internal monitoring, my contractions were strong enough to push, but I couldn't dialate, even with intervention of medicines.

My doctor, who I trust very much, said she thought the would be a repeat issue. During the moment, I felt cheated, especially after "working" so hard for 18 hours.

I will have a RCS this time. Mostly because I know what to expect and what recovery will entail. I'm hoping the recovery won't be as physically and emotionally hard this go around know that I know what I'm in for the first couple weeks after giving birth.

juliane2004 · May 2012

Sort of. I wanted to feel contractions, to know what that was like, but I like having a c/s because I know what to expect.

I had a miscarriage at 9 weeks last August and I definitely felt contractions then. I don't think they were to the same level of true labor, but they were enough to make me NOT need / want to feel them again!

Debra4love · May 2012

I don't feel like I missed out at all. The end result for me was to have a happy, healthy baby and I did. I try not to listen to people who make comments about c-sections being bad. A c-section saved my life.

shouldbworkin · May 2012

I labored with #1 for 28 long, painful hours, so I like to think that was enough labor for all 3 PGs. I've never really felt like I missed that moment where the baby comes out and goes on your chest. I think they made the moment special in the OR by showing me the baby, using a mirror, wheeling us out together and letting us recover together. I'd feel differently if we'd been separated for much longer, though.

mlf625 · May 2012

Nope. I don't feel like I missed out at all.

kjennnn · May 2012

I did after my first... I was given Versed and didn't remember anything after my son came out, so felt a bit cheated. He was also taken to NICU, so that had something to do with how I viewed my experience.

With DD I don't regret it , and she is my last. I had a great experience, got to see her right away and DH held her in the delivery room...was holding and BF'ing her within a half an hour. C/S was great and very relaxed, recovery was easy. Some side benefits, I loved having the extra night in the hospital and also loved the additional paid two weeks of maternity leave (just some pluses!)

RumbleLina · May 2012

Absolutely BUT I missed his birth because I had a general anesthesia c/s. I never had a problem with my c/s but it was missing my child being born and not seeing him for the first few hours of his life that affected me the most.

The 2nd time around I hope to VBAC but if not than I will be grateful as long as I am awake.

Mrs. Alice · May 2012

Having a c-section was only a tiny part of why I feel like I missed out. However I am not 100% sure if I would do a VBAC. As long as baby is healthy and full term, that would make up a million times over for having to have another c-section.

Brooklyn2577 · May 2012

No. I had c/s with both kids. I never felt like I failed or wanted to prove anything. If you want to try a VBAC try it! I think I'm probably in the minority in that I don't feel like I missed anything.

hizah05 · May 2012

I do not feel like I missed out. In fact I love to tell people how all I had to do was walk to the operating room and about 20 minutes later I had a baby all while laying down relaxing. Haha! Ok, I know it's not that easy but in all honesty my son was delivered early by c/s due to complications. Had they induced and I tried to push he could have had some serious problems. They found only after he was delivered that he was wrapped in the cord 4 times from head to toe! I think that makes me grateful for the c/s which probably overrides any feelings of missing out.

bitsybubbles7 · May 2012

I had most of the day I was in labor to come to terms with I might have to have a c/s. When the doc finally came in and said he'd like to go that route, I was fine with it. I was up and walking less than 12 hours later and had an amazing recovery. I was told I should have a c/s the next time too. I don't feel like I missed out on anything and in some ways I lucked out. I won't have inconstancy because of labor messing with my pelvic floor, no stitches down there (and a fear of the bathroom after), no stretched who-ha (only dilated to 4 cm), ect.

heymommy · May 2012

I did after my first two. then a few years ago I photographed two births ( I am a photographer) and after seeing that I no longer felt like I had missed out. C-section again and again and again. It's the way to go for me.

Xtine22 · May 2012

I had an emergency csection after being in labor for over a day and a half for not progressing and DD heart rate went really high. IMHO no I have never felt like I missed out. This may sound bad but when I am on other boards and they are talking about tearing and what not I am actually glad I had one. I think I was watching a TV show a couple weeks ago and someone was pushing, I looked at DH and said maybe like 5% of me wished I did that. As she is screaming he looks at me and goes "Really?". I am 100% positive if we have another one I will not try VBAC.

stemms8810 · May 2012

After my first, I did feel like I missed out a little bit. I had ne because of pre-e and HELLP. Otherwise my DD was normal size and head down, no other reasons to indicate I was going to have a c/s. I was really drugged up and don't remember a lot from her birth which is part of the reason I feel like I missed out.

Now with DS I decided to do a RCS and had a great experience. I remember everything that happened and had no BP issues. So this time I don't feel like I missed out. I actually enjoyed knowing the date he would be born and planned accordingly. It was nice to have everything controlled especially since I had a DD to make arrangments for.

byrne15 · May 2012

I am 100% going for a VBAC for this one. However, I had a horrible csection experience.

PregglesMeggles · May 2012

I've never felt like I missed out on anything.

I had an emergency c-section with my first.
My water broke before I even went in the hospital. I think I waited an hour, maybe two. We went in....I was in the hospital in labor for 21 hours. In extreme pain, all back labor. My front hurt too, but my back felt like it was being stabbed repeatedly and on fire at the same time. After about 10 hours I took pain meds but it didn't help.

When they told me I would probably have to have a c-section (21 hrs and 4cm dilated) I was honestly relieved. All I could say think was THANK YOU, please let this end! They told me if I wanted to try anything else I could, but they wouldn't let me go much longer because my water had broken so long ago...risk of infection and all. I replied, nope, I'm good let's do this. I didn't have to get put under and hubby was in the room with me. They brought her right to me and let me see and touch her before they brought her to the nursery while I got sewed up.

With DD#2 they offered me a VBAC...and I declined. After #1 I was told I had hips big enough for a 6lb baby. Both my daughters were over 8lbs. I did not want to go though 20+ hours of labor again just to end up back in the OR. Why not skip all the stress? IDK if it's because they recut over the scar tissue....or because I didn't stress my body with labor before...or a combination of both but recovery was so much easier with #2.

I love both my girls. We never had issues bonding. I never felt like I missed out. I never felt cheated. I trust my doctors and I know they did everything they could to avoid it. And my babies were born healthy and happy. Both got 9s on their apgars so I know I made the best decision for them.

snoangel79 · May 2012

Not at all, I was 100% scared to push a baby out hahaha. I had a c-section for medical reasons (lung and heart issues from chemo damage 10 years ago) and twins though. I didn't choose to.

LadyXaverian · May 2012

I don't feel cheated, but if conditions are favorable, I will attempt a VBAC if and when there is a "next time".

emma&katiesmom · May 2012

I have never felt cheated and I've had three c-sections, and, luckily, three healthy babies and three relatively easy recoveries. I never understood the "getting cheated" thing because it took me nine months of pregnancy to get to hold my babies - I wasn't getting wrapped up on HOW they got here. I just wanted them in my arms!

runnergirl79 · May 2012

After my first 2 scheduled c-sections, I did feel like I had somehow missed out on a natural birth experience. With my third pregnancy, I was seeing a midwife in hopes of having a vbac. My baby turned breech right before my due date, so I was faced with the reality of needing another cesarean. I had to work through a lot of emotions about it, but after my baby was born, I realized how thankful I am that c-sections exist for women like myself.

I sometimes wish I was the kind of woman that could have all natural home births, but that is not the case, and I am at peace with that. I have had 3 healthy pregnancies & babies born via cesarean, and am currently expecting my 4th baby (pregnancy going well thus far), to be born via scheduled cesarean on July 31st. I feel very blessed, regardless of how my children have entered this world.

eta: One of the things I felt I was missing out on was labor. I did have some contractions, and my water broke on it's own, so I did get that part of a natural birth experience.

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