Preemies
Bump Kathleen
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A Question for Moms of Preemies...
Bump Kathleen
member
in Preemies
Hi everyone,
TheBump.com editors are working on a story about advice for parents whose babies are in the NICU -- tips, words of wisdom and general support that can help get them through the difficult time.
What advice would you give other moms of preemies? What do you wish you'd known when your baby was in the NICU?
Thanks in advance!
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Re: A Question for Moms of Preemies...
- take lots of pictures and videos. You may not think that you will want to remember these tough days/weeks/months but being able to look back and see how far your LO has come is amazing.
- Celebrate everything! Every ounce gained, every quarter liter of O2 support reduced, every feeding completed. There are no small feats in the preemie world!
Write in a journal of your feelings and babies milestones.
Try and get at least 5 hours of sleep at night to feel energized in the morning.
Advocate for your child. They doctors and nurses may know medicine but you know your mild more than anyone else.
It's okay to "take a day off" for yourself or your relationship. In fact, if your child is going to be in the NICU for a while, you may want to take several. Remember, your child needs you to be healthy just as much as they need to be healthy.
Hold your child as much as possible! If your child is not well enough to be held, find other ways to get "hands on."
Keep a journal and write down daily weights, milestones, and even treatments/procedures.
It is ok, and good for you, to cry.
It is ok to not allow people to visit your LO.
None of the nurses told me that I could bring in and wash our own linens, decorate his incubator, give him his baths, or take his temperature. These are all things I learned online - some of them too late. NICU feels overwhelming and is a very controlled atmosphere so you might not think of these tasks as yours to do whenever you want.
I wish I'd known that "he'll grow out of it" (in some cases) might not mean when they "reach their due date". My son didn't grow out of A/B events for nearly six months (four adjusted)! I wasn't prepared to wait that long so I kept focusing on how far past his DD it had gone...it was discouraging.
Finally, leave a disposable camera so the nurses can take pictures of LO when you aren't there. Nobody loves watching their babies sleep like a preemie mom (this includes videos for later).
- Kangaroo care is a must! Ask when your baby is stable enough for this. It is a tremendous bonding experience for the two of you and it is proven to help babies in many, many ways. Plus, it feels fantasic to hold your baby so close.
- No, your friends and family don't understand. They can't. Don't be afraid to tell people that you appreicate your concern but if you don't want to talk, you don't have to.
- Cry if you need to. You are hormonal and emotional and that is NORMAL!
- If you are pumping and having issues with supply, try and do it at the NICU.
- Get as involved as the nurses say you can. If you can can change your baby, take her temp, give her a feed, do it. It will make you feel like her mom and less helpless.
- Don't be afraid to ask questions and speak up- it is YOUR baby.
- I also want to mention Kangaroo Care. I was afraid to do it the first time but it's such an amazing experience when your child snuggles into you, no matter how small he/she is!
- Don't feel guilty if you're not spending every waking minute in the NICU. You need time for you (and your spouse!) too!
- Talk to the lactation consultants often. They are very pro-BFing at my hospital/NICU and their support and advice has been a godsend!
Kathleen,
Several of us worked together to compile preemie mom answers to this question. You can see more responses here:
https://preemiemomblog.blogspot.com/p/what-can-i-do-for-my-friend.html
https://preemiemomblog.blogspot.com/p/what-can-i-do-for-my-friend.html
If your LO has lasting medical concerns post NICU, before they are discharged ask for a care conference so the NICU staff can brief the rest of the doctors on everything and your team can meet.
If you had a c-section and people ask what they can do to help ask for rides back and forth to the hospital if your SO has to go back to work or you don't have anyone else who can take you.
Bring in clothes so you and the nurses can dress your LO. It is a lot of fun to come in each day and see what your LO is wearing.
Celebrate every small victory - every oz, every oral feeding, every day without a brady.
Get as much rest as possible now.
I've had 2 babies and both have been NICU babies.
It's OK to bottle feed to "get out of there" - We have very active lactation consultants at both hospitals by girls have been - and both pressured pretty hard to breast feed instead of bottle feed, but both of my girls took to bottles so quickly I had to make a stand that we WOULD be bottle feeding. Also - stand up and make a stink if your baby is bottle feeding and continues to get a ton more from you then from the nurses - let your NNP or pedi or other docs know you are concerned that maybe the nurses aren't giving your little one appropriate attention to get him/her fed appropriately.
Get involved - help with the cares, once you get settled and your baby is stable - you shouldn't need to ask to hold him/her whenever you want - it's your baby not the nurses, and once they have most machines off - you should be able to pick up and hold your baby as much as you want.
Breastfeeding does eventually come with practice. (and you can practice a LOT once you are home).
Cry - as much as you feel you need to. don't hold it back. I cry a lot during kangaroo time. Especially with dd1.
Just always remember - your baby means that you need to understand what is going on - so ask questions, do what you feel is right, get people involved that you feel should be - say no to visitors, but keep your closest friends close to you and the baby.
Most importantly - take care of yourself. Go home and sleep if that's an option - don't stay with the baby day and night. You have to take care of yourself so on that day that you get the amazing news you get to take your baby home - you'll have the energy to become a full time parent!
In addition to all the great advice that has already been posted, I would like to add that being in the NICU is a marathon, not a sprint. It really taught me patience, because time is going to be one of the best treatments.
Also, expect it to be a roller coaster. There is really no better way to describe it. Hope that there aren't many big drops. Focus and cherish the good days and do your best to get through the bad days.
Me: PCOS DH: Low everything (MFI)
Clomid with TI x 3 2010 BFN
Clomid+IUI+Ovidrel 2010 BFN
IVF w/ICSI #1 2011
9/8/11 Beta #1: 2082!! 9/19/11 Beta#2 34,689!! U/S 9/22/11 HR 127! 11/8/11 HR 150! 12/6/11 HR 136! 12/14/11 HR 139! Born at 26w2d on 2/4/2012! After 83 days in the NICU, Adalyn came home on 4/26/12!
FET 1 3/2013 BFN
FET 2 5/2013 BFN
I just want to reiterate...
Don't be afraid or intimidated to get involved and ask questions. The more questions you ask, the easier it will be and the faster you will get to know your child's nurses. The more you talk to them, the more likely they are to suggest things that you may not even know you could do (i.e. bathe, bring clothes from home, etc.).
Don't feel guilty if you can't be there for every feeding! When my first daughter was born early, I was in the NICU for hours at a time, multiple times a day. By the time my twins were born, I also had a 3 year old at home. That's makes it difficult to be in a NICU all day! I always felt so bad leaving, knowing I wouldn't be back for the next feeding, but you have to do what you have to do! You're only human and you can only be in one place at a time.
Take lots of pictures. I've had 3 babies in the NICU and I still look at those pictures!
--Don't feel guilty for taking time away from the NICU - you need it to stay sane and healthy and your baby is being well cared for.
--Be understanding of your spouse's need to spend less (or more) time there than you. You each have different thresholds.
--Ditto PPs - be your child's advocate. Ask questions, understand her medical condition and treatments, know why something is being done before it's done. And don't be afraid to call the shots.
--Don't feel guilty asking people to stay away.
--Have some fun for yourself. DH and I ate out at a nice restaurant every day we were at the hospital (the same one, across the street from the hospital). I have fond memories of that place and those times, and it was so much better than cafeteria food.
--A few times, I stole DD's hospital blanket from her crib and gave her a fresh one, so that I could take her smell home with me and sleep with it. I felt closer to her.
--Call the nurses as much as you need to. I couldn't sleep without calling each night to check up.