Increased lurking?

Petunia844 · May 2012

I just noticed how many views there are on our posts.. I know we've talked about lurking before... I guess I just wonder if we have more lurkers or if there are really so many more loss mamas who haven't decided to post yet. Kind of a pointless post... but it just still bothers me to think that people would just read our posts for their entertainment.

Carolee · May 2012

I've noticed this lately aslo. Posts get hundreds of views and very few responses.

pb127 · May 2012

Yeah the view counts are crazy! Honestly, I'd rather if people (loss mamas or associated family/friends are in no way included in this group) insist on lurking, I hope they stay hidden. With very few exceptions, it has really bothered me when people come in with their "You're so strong! I lurk here all the time and I couldn't imagine!". Not helpful.

Petunia844 · May 2012

pb127:
Yeah the view counts are crazy! Honestly, I'd rather if people (loss mamas or associated family/friends are in no way included in this group) insist on lurking, I hope they stay hidden. With very few exceptions, it has really bothered me when people come in with their "You're so strong! I lurk here all the time and I couldn't imagine!". Not helpful.

Totally agree, there aren't many lurker posts I'm happy to read.

tubbsy32 · May 2012

I love us, but who would want to lurk here!??! I def noticed the view counts are sky high!

Carolee · May 2012

tubbsy32:
I love us, but who would want to lurk here!??! I def noticed the view counts are sky high!

Probably the same people that lurk on CFNBC.

whiteroses05 · May 2012

I also have noticed this. I know that at times we cant find the words to be able to comment but not enough for there to be over a hundred views.

pottermommy · May 2012

I lurk here alot, I feel safe withyou and I don't what to leave the group. But I don't want to throw the rainbow baby up all the time b/c he is in my siggy. I am happy I have you all who understand fear and grief. So I am still here alot I just rarely post.

weddedwife · May 2012

It kind of gives me the creeps.

Auki13 · May 2012

I have to admit that I have been lurking a lot too. I'm at a point where I want to support people here, but am in a fragile place myself. So I read things, wish I knew what to say and end up continuing on. I feel awful about it, but I hope in a few weeks I will be able to become more active on here again. I know this doesn't explain ALL the people reading these posts, but maybe there are some others like me out there?

lhakers · May 2012

whiteroses05:
I also have noticed this. I know that at times we cant find the words to be able to comment but not enough for there to be over a hundred views.

This.

karebear57 · May 2012

Auki13:
I have to admit that I have been lurking a lot too. I'm at a point where I want to support people here, but am in a fragile place myself. So I read things, wish I knew what to say and end up continuing on. I feel awful about it, but I hope in a few weeks I will be able to become more active on here again. I know this doesn't explain ALL the people reading these posts, but maybe there are some others like me out there?

Me!! I do this a lot also. Sometimes I just don't know what to say and I don't want anyone feeling worse. But I don't lurk that much on any 1 post!

foxxy1 · May 2012

I've noticed it. I had people told me privately they do occasionally check on me to see how I'm doing. I do wonder if other posters here maybe have people silently rooting them on?

elfchique · May 2012

Just wanted to offer some perspective. The BMB regulars from where the loss person is coming from, may come over to read an update. My home board recently had a person with a loss and some people could be checking on her. Perhaps it's just the optimist in me, but my guess is people are compassionate lurkers. Hugs to you all.

lhakers · May 2012

Remember when I posted about the grave site for Sofia being completely a mess? A lurker PMd me telling me about her husbands gravestone (they call them monuments) business and how she wishes his business could come and fix it for me... At first I thought it was kind of like a sales pitch (because I am automatically on the defense), but she was genuinely sorry and wished she could help... And she said

"You wonderful ladies have and give more support than you know..."

I think even though some people might lurk just because ... this board might also be an example or helpful to others... Just a thought

JessicaRobb · May 2012

I lurk a lot. I havent felt like posting in a couple of months but I still think of you ladies all the time. I'm sure I'll get back to posting again... Maybe once I'm done teaching for the year (one more month!). But I can account for some of those views!

cherrycobbler · May 2012

Ditto to Auki and karebear. It's like I have forgotten how to use my words properly. I will also say that previous to my loss, I lurked here as well. I know some (maybe a lot) of women have healthy pregnancies and come over here to "stare" at us, but I had the feeling that we wouldn't be bringing our son home and thought reading some of your posts might prepare me a bit more. Lurking made me a least feel like I wasn't the only one out there. Knowing there are others, is strangely reassuring.

But yes, it's kinda creepy.

Jaxmom11 · May 2012

I lurk too. I don't post much because my loss was so long ago. My DS was born sleeping the day after Christmas 2007. But I feel a quiet kindred spirit with the other mamas on this board.

((not a newbie - a bump fart caused me to change my screen name))

karebear57 · May 2012

I don't think it's as bad as getting the trolls that the other boards get though. I can honestly say I don't think I've ever seen them come here in the 6+months I've been here. I just remembered this.

JordanL1221 · May 2012

I lurk, for three reasons. 1. To see how ladies from my BMB are doing. 2. To gain insight from you ladies on how to be strong and let your feelings out in a positive way. And 3. Because I have already has so many complications with this pregnancy, that I am familiarizing myself with people that can relate or have similar experiences in the event that I join you wonderful ladies.

I don't lurk a lot, but I am sorry for doing so!

jgengo0 · May 2012

I lurk a lot now days too.

I think people lurk because our stories could easily become theirs.

I think it may be a coping mechanism for the "what if." When I was pregnant I was very scared of the what if and admit I lurked on the miscarriage board. It was my way of preparing myself and I am glad I did, because the unthinkable did end up happening. I actually took some comfort in knowing that others went / and are going through the same thing. I HIGHLY doubt people come on here just to gawk.

emizer · May 2012

I'm still here lurking. I stopped posting probably 3 months ago when I was feeling really bitter and angry. I still like to check on the women who were supportive to me and I still get the feeling that I'm not alone in my daily struggle.

lindseynl23 · May 2012

When I read other women's posts I get upset, because I know exactly what they are feeling, and as much as I want to post I just get overcome with emotions and my grief I don't know what to say. I am going through the exact same roller coaster and I don't know how to comfort any of you. I'm sorry, I hope one day I can be helpful. I come here every couple of days to remind myself that I am not alone, that other women are feeling what I am feeling. I want to reach out and hug all of you and I can't and sometimes that hurts me more than helps me. I hope one day I can get to the point of offering you all some sound advice to help you get through your days, but I'm barely making it through myself.

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