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Butterfly & Others: Sound off on "sexy"

EratMamaEratMama
in LGBT Parenting

"I've explained what the word "sexy" means to my two oldest because close family members have told them to dance sexy or that they are sexy.  These family members (women) didn't mean any harm and don't use the word as American's use it but it was still put out there and now my kids know what it means."

-butterfly

 This came at an appropriate time!  

I am wondering how the rest of you feel about this word being used for/by children.  And, butterfly, I am wondering how you explained it.  

Let's say, my mom was shocked and appalled (and I wasn't too thrilled.)

I tried to say it meant, "strong, beautiful..."  But, that usually it was a word adults used for each other. 

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Re: Butterfly & Others: Sound off on "sexy"

  • ctbride08ctbride08 member

    For me it kinda depends on the context...if anyone was using that word around my children or to them, I'd tell them it was not appropriate and ask them not to any more.  Similar to how I would respond if someone was swearing or using other adult language around them.

    If they used it themselves I would ask where they heard it (to see if there is an issue that needs to be addressed) and what they thought it meant.  Depending on their response I'd have to tailor my answer from there but mostly I'd make it clear that it was an adult word that only applies to adults and is not appropriate for children.

    If my kids were older and knew what sex was, my answer would be different.  But while they are little, I want to keep them little, and I think its okay to just label it as an adult word.

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  • tdmklmtdmklm member
    I agree with CT. I come from an oversexualized culture, and it always made me uncomfortable to see children as miniature adults - dressing inappropriately (in my view), dancing really inappropriately (think going up and down over a bottle - that was BIG when I was a teen because of a song), etc.
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  • butterflygroovesbutterflygrooves member

    To me, the word sexy is never appropriate to describe a child, NEVER.  I've heard these family members call each of my girls sexy, even the baby and I'm quick to tell them that kids are not sexy and it's not a word I am ok with them using in front of them.

    I heard A and Iz use it in the car a few times before I asked them what it meant, their answers were innocent so I explained it something like this...

    That is a word for adults to use, it means that someone likes the way another persons body looks when they are naked.  It doesn't mean you think someone has nice hair or dances well, it's something adults say to make each other feel good.  

    Two Mommies Healing Hearts

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  • EratMamaEratMama

    I just want to say, for the record, that I agree with all of you. If I were parenting children that I birthed, and could control what they were exposed to a bit more, my views would be a lot stronger.

    Let me just say, it wasn't someone in MY family who used this word to describe all 3 of the children. 

    I chose to give an adult explanation (similar to butterfly's) but also a way that maybe the kids could feel more comfortable with the word being used.  I also told them (well, not Pumpkin) that if they didn't like the word being used--they could ask that person "what do you mean by that?" or say "I don't like that word."

    (Just so you don't judge me too much.)  

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  • Two*TrueTwo*True member
    I try to keep from saying "pretty" too often to Jelly Bean so there is no way in hell I'd be okay with "sexy."  There is already too much emphasize on looks and I'd rather her grow up hearing....You're so.... smart, wise, confident, special, unique, good, funny, diligent, etc.
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  • ctbride08ctbride08 member
    imageEratMama:

    Let me just say, it wasn't someone in MY family who used this word to describe all 3 of the children. 

    i think we probably all figured that Wink

    i love that you used it as an opportunity to empower the girls to have control over what people can/can not say to them - I'm tucking that tip away for future reference!

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  • 2brides2brides member

    imagectbride08:
      But while they are little, I want to keep them little, and I think its okay to just label it as an adult word.

    Yup.

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  • KershnicKershnic member
    While I agree with all of you, I do think it's worth remembering that the meanings of words evolve.  I think white middle class people tend to see the word sexy as relating to sex and therefore applying only to adults.  It's pretty clear from just the responses on this thread that in some non-white and/or non-middle-class circles the word has a somewhat different connotation.  
    TTC with PCOS since July 2011.
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