Insensitive Schools

KristenFMR · May 2012

My SS has his 5th grade graduation in a few weeks and they are not allowing step parents to attend. Only room for 2 people to attend. I think this is incredibly ridiculous and odd.

jnjmommy0609 · May 2012

Well what if one of the birth parents can't make it...then could a step parent go?

If no I would be pissed to considering my husband is not my sons biological father

CFjo2010 · May 2012

That is incredibly odd. Truthfully, I would call the School District and pitch a fit. Hell, most classes allow kids to make 2 Mother's Day gifts and Father's Day gifts to accommodate the rise in blended families. This seems very unfair and borderline discriminatory.

wwnbw · May 2012

I don't think it's fair but I kind of understand. If there isn't room there isn't room.

Did they say no step parents or did they just say only 2 people?

FutureMrsWittig · May 2012

I see that getting ugly.

KristenFMR · May 2012

They said 2 people but of course my son's mother wants to go. Her relationship with my husband is very contentious so that is a whole different story about the evening will go with those 2 there alone. She's a real nut case.

If they don't have room in the school gym then they need to hold it elsewhere in my opinion.

CFjo2010 · May 2012

Ok, then I somewhat retract my previous reply. I was under the impression the school specifically said "no step-parents". If the school said "only 2 people", then unfortunately there isn't much you can do. I understand your frustration, I genuinely do, because I would be livid if I had to miss K's promotions or performances based on space. Hopefully your husband can record the promotion. Or, maybe he can check with the teacher, and if anyone is only using 1 seat/ticket, maybe he can get the extra spot for you.

TurtleGirl3-4 · May 2012

So then this isn't a "No Step-parents" issue. This is a capacity issue. Unfortunately this is common and not much can be done. My H.S. Graduation was similar. I got a 2 tickets for seating and the rest were welcome to stand on the sides of the football field and watch.

KristenFMR · May 2012

Well I called the school and they said it was only for parents and I said well my stepson has 4 parents total and they said that only 2 parents can attend. Sorry I think this is crap! A highschool graduation I can somewhat understand but many children are in a divorce situation and this is unacceptable in my opinion.

KristenFMR · May 2012

At least they gave you an option to stand on the side lines

xmaryrickx · May 2012

KristenFMR:
They said 2 people but of course my son's mother wants to go. Her relationship with my husband is very contentious so that is a whole different story about the evening will go with those 2 there alone. She's a real nut case.

If they don't have room in the school gym then they need to hold it elsewhere in my opinion.

how do you propose they pay to hold it elsewhere? These types of events often have limits on the number of people that can be accommodated. It's normal and had nothing to do with slighting step-parents, grandparents, siblings, etc. I understand that it's exciting, but this isn't a "graduation". You dont get a diploma for finishing fifth grade. Have your H take some video, and have a little party to celebrate with SK and try not to take this personally. No one said only birth parents can attend, just that each child gets two tickets.

xmaryrickx · May 2012

KristenFMR:
Well I called the school and they said it was only for parents and I said well my stepson has 4 parents total and they said that only 2 parents can attend. Sorry I think this is crap! A highschool graduation I can somewhat understand but many children are in a divorce situation and this is unacceptable in my opinion.

are you seriously suggesting that it's cool for only two tickets to be issued for a high school graduation, you know that think you do to get that little piece of paper that you worked 13 years for and that sends you out into the world to be a grOwn up, but it's not cool for thr school to issue two tickets for a made up fluffy fun night for 10 year olds???

KristenFMR · May 2012

xmaryrickx:
KristenFMR:

They said 2 people but of course my son's mother wants to go. Her relationship with my husband is very contentious so that is a whole different story about the evening will go with those 2 there alone. She's a real nut case.

If they don't have room in the school gym then they need to hold it elsewhere in my opinion.

how do you propose they pay to hold it elsewhere? These types of events often have limits on the number of people that can be accommodated. It's normal and had nothing to do with slighting step-parents, grandparents, siblings, etc. I understand that it's exciting, but this isn't a "graduation". You dont get a diploma for finishing fifth grade. Have your H take some video, and have a little party to celebrate with SK and try not to take this personally. No one said only birth parents can attend, just that each child gets two tickets.

Wow calm down there chick no need to be so rude. My point was with so many children in blended families these days I think it is important to include stepparents in these events. And they are calling it a 5th grade graduation. Yes I realize that he is not graduating from highschool I was mearly calling the event what the school has been calling it because he is moving on to middle school.

KristenFMR · May 2012

xmaryrickx:
KristenFMR:
Well I called the school and they said it was only for parents and I said well my stepson has 4 parents total and they said that only 2 parents can attend. Sorry I think this is crap! A highschool graduation I can somewhat understand but many children are in a divorce situation and this is unacceptable in my opinion.
are you seriously suggesting that it's cool for only two tickets to be issued for a high school graduation, you know that think you do to get that little piece of paper that you worked 13 years for and that sends you out into the world to be a grOwn up, but it's not cool for thr school to issue two tickets for a made up fluffy fun night for 10 year olds???

No not at all I would be more than pissed if only 2 people were able to attend high school graduation. I think that is ridiculous and they need to hold it in a different venue if that is the case. The point that I clearly did not make well was I can understand room restrictions as some big events because there is not always enough capasity but when it's just a little fluff event with parents sitting on bleachers at the school which hold clearly more than they are allowing it does not make any sense to me. But I agree 2 people for highschool graduation would suck royally.

karleegirl · May 2012

It sucks but if that's all the room they've got than that's it. As Mary said its 5th grade graduation not high school. I think its a bit ridiculous anyway having a ceremony for that.Even if your dh and bm go they don't have to sit together.

xmaryrickx · May 2012

KristenFMR:
xmaryrickx:
KristenFMR:
Well I called the school and they said it was only for parents and I said well my stepson has 4 parents total and they said that only 2 parents can attend. Sorry I think this is crap! A highschool graduation I can somewhat understand but many children are in a divorce situation and this is unacceptable in my opinion.
are you seriously suggesting that it's cool for only two tickets to be issued for a high school graduation, you know that think you do to get that little piece of paper that you worked 13 years for and that sends you out into the world to be a grOwn up, but it's not cool for thr school to issue two tickets for a made up fluffy fun night for 10 year olds???

No not at all I would be more than pissed if only 2 people were able to attend high school graduation. I think that is ridiculous and they need to hold it in a different venue if that is the case. The point that I clearly did not make well was I can understand room restrictions as some big events because there is not always enough capasity but when it's just a little fluff event with parents sitting on bleachers at the school which hold clearly more than they are allowing it does not make any sense to me. But I agree 2 people for highschool graduation would suck royally.

if its outside on bleachers and there is more than enough room then just go to the event. It's not worth getting all OMG schools are mean over. They can't accommodate every person who wants to attend every event. If you area is anything like mine the venues are booked for high school graduations, which means they host these types of events on their grounds or they rent elsewhere. And I am not being rude. Rude would be calling you a delusional drama queen, and I didn't.

KristenFMR · May 2012

xmaryrickx:
KristenFMR:

xmaryrickx:
KristenFMR:
Well I called the school and they said it was only for parents and I said well my stepson has 4 parents total and they said that only 2 parents can attend. Sorry I think this is crap! A highschool graduation I can somewhat understand but many children are in a divorce situation and this is unacceptable in my opinion.
are you seriously suggesting that it's cool for only two tickets to be issued for a high school graduation, you know that think you do to get that little piece of paper that you worked 13 years for and that sends you out into the world to be a grOwn up, but it's not cool for thr school to issue two tickets for a made up fluffy fun night for 10 year olds???

No not at all I would be more than pissed if only 2 people were able to attend high school graduation. I think that is ridiculous and they need to hold it in a different venue if that is the case. The point that I clearly did not make well was I can understand room restrictions as some big events because there is not always enough capasity but when it's just a little fluff event with parents sitting on bleachers at the school which hold clearly more than they are allowing it does not make any sense to me. But I agree 2 people for highschool graduation would suck royally.

if its outside on bleachers and there is more than enough room then just go to the event. It's not worth getting all OMG schools are mean over. They can't accommodate every person who wants to attend every event. If you area is anything like mine the venues are booked for high school graduations, which means they host these types of events on their grounds or they rent elsewhere. And I am not being rude. Rude would be calling you a delusional drama queen, and I didn't.

It's not outside on bleachers it's in a school gym, and they are only allowing 2 people per child. My entire point is that I think that is inconsiderate to children who are in blended families. I am sorry if my saying that upsets you. Isn't that the point of these boards to be able to come share frustations and talk to others in similar situations.

xmaryrickx · May 2012

KristenFMR:
xmaryrickx:
KristenFMR:

xmaryrickx:
KristenFMR:
Well I called the school and they said it was only for parents and I said well my stepson has 4 parents total and they said that only 2 parents can attend. Sorry I think this is crap! A highschool graduation I can somewhat understand but many children are in a divorce situation and this is unacceptable in my opinion.
are you seriously suggesting that it's cool for only two tickets to be issued for a high school graduation, you know that think you do to get that little piece of paper that you worked 13 years for and that sends you out into the world to be a grOwn up, but it's not cool for thr school to issue two tickets for a made up fluffy fun night for 10 year olds???

No not at all I would be more than pissed if only 2 people were able to attend high school graduation. I think that is ridiculous and they need to hold it in a different venue if that is the case. The point that I clearly did not make well was I can understand room restrictions as some big events because there is not always enough capasity but when it's just a little fluff event with parents sitting on bleachers at the school which hold clearly more than they are allowing it does not make any sense to me. But I agree 2 people for highschool graduation would suck royally.

if its outside on bleachers and there is more than enough room then just go to the event. It's not worth getting all OMG schools are mean over. They can't accommodate every person who wants to attend every event. If you area is anything like mine the venues are booked for high school graduations, which means they host these types of events on their grounds or they rent elsewhere. And I am not being rude. Rude would be calling you a delusional drama queen, and I didn't.

It's not outside on bleachers it's in a school gym, and they are only allowing 2 people per child. My entire point is that I think that is inconsiderate to children who are in blended families. I am sorry if my saying that upsets you. Isn't that the point of these boards to be able to come share frustations and talk to others in similar situations.

I never said it wasn't inconsiderate. But how do you propose they fix this? There are capacity limits on places, and I doubt they would arbitrarily say only two people per kid, it space wasn't an issue. If there are two classes with thirty kids each that is sixty kids. You can't allow some to have three tickets, some to have four and others only two. So, to accommodate BF's they hour give each kid four tickets. That's another 240 people and you must allow for a few rule breakers who will bring their kids or grandparents. That's another 25. You are now up to 325 people. Add in your staff, teachers, principals etc another 15. That's 340. Most elementary and middle schools cannot accommodate that many. And if yours can, then do something about it instead of posting a poor me message on the Internet, contact the school board. Contact the principal again. Contact your state department of education. Make some real waves and try to get changes made.

KristenFMR · May 2012

xmaryrickx:
KristenFMR:
xmaryrickx:
KristenFMR:

xmaryrickx:
KristenFMR:
Well I called the school and they said it was only for parents and I said well my stepson has 4 parents total and they said that only 2 parents can attend. Sorry I think this is crap! A highschool graduation I can somewhat understand but many children are in a divorce situation and this is unacceptable in my opinion.
are you seriously suggesting that it's cool for only two tickets to be issued for a high school graduation, you know that think you do to get that little piece of paper that you worked 13 years for and that sends you out into the world to be a grOwn up, but it's not cool for thr school to issue two tickets for a made up fluffy fun night for 10 year olds???

No not at all I would be more than pissed if only 2 people were able to attend high school graduation. I think that is ridiculous and they need to hold it in a different venue if that is the case. The point that I clearly did not make well was I can understand room restrictions as some big events because there is not always enough capasity but when it's just a little fluff event with parents sitting on bleachers at the school which hold clearly more than they are allowing it does not make any sense to me. But I agree 2 people for highschool graduation would suck royally.

if its outside on bleachers and there is more than enough room then just go to the event. It's not worth getting all OMG schools are mean over. They can't accommodate every person who wants to attend every event. If you area is anything like mine the venues are booked for high school graduations, which means they host these types of events on their grounds or they rent elsewhere. And I am not being rude. Rude would be calling you a delusional drama queen, and I didn't.

It's not outside on bleachers it's in a school gym, and they are only allowing 2 people per child. My entire point is that I think that is inconsiderate to children who are in blended families. I am sorry if my saying that upsets you. Isn't that the point of these boards to be able to come share frustations and talk to others in similar situations.

I never said it wasn't inconsiderate. But how do you propose they fix this? There are capacity limits on places, and I doubt they would arbitrarily say only two people per kid, it space wasn't an issue. If there are two classes with thirty kids each that is sixty kids. You can't allow some to have three tickets, some to have four and others only two. So, to accommodate BF's they hour give each kid four tickets. That's another 240 people and you must allow for a few rule breakers who will bring their kids or grandparents. That's another 25. You are now up to 325 people. Add in your staff, teachers, principals etc another 15. That's 340. Most elementary and middle schools cannot accommodate that many. And if yours can, then do something about it instead of posting a poor me message on the Internet, contact the school board. Contact the principal again. Contact your state department of education. Make some real waves and try to get changes made.

I am not quite sure why you continue to attack me but I am not here to argue with you. I would say the majority of post on this board are as you call them "poor me" posts. In my opinion this is a place where women can come to vent about things bugging them. I am sorry if you disagree. Regardless of wether I was calling the school board, or district I would still come here for support and to vent.

I was seeking advise from other stepparents and seeing if anyone else had experiences anything similiar with their stepkids schools. I am sorry that this offends you so much.

xmaryrickx · May 2012

I am sorry you feel I was attacking you. Not at all my intention. If you do not want opinions that differ from yours and constructive advice perhaps you should list a disclaimer in your OP. something along the line of, if you don't agree with me or want to express some ideas on how to solve my woe is me situation please refrain from posting. It might help in the future.

Ilumine · May 2012

KristenFMR:
xmaryrickx:
KristenFMR:
xmaryrickx:
KristenFMR:

xmaryrickx:
KristenFMR:
Well I called the school and they said it was only for parents and I said well my stepson has 4 parents total and they said that only 2 parents can attend. Sorry I think this is crap! A highschool graduation I can somewhat understand but many children are in a divorce situation and this is unacceptable in my opinion.
are you seriously suggesting that it's cool for only two tickets to be issued for a high school graduation, you know that think you do to get that little piece of paper that you worked 13 years for and that sends you out into the world to be a grOwn up, but it's not cool for thr school to issue two tickets for a made up fluffy fun night for 10 year olds???

No not at all I would be more than pissed if only 2 people were able to attend high school graduation. I think that is ridiculous and they need to hold it in a different venue if that is the case. The point that I clearly did not make well was I can understand room restrictions as some big events because there is not always enough capasity but when it's just a little fluff event with parents sitting on bleachers at the school which hold clearly more than they are allowing it does not make any sense to me. But I agree 2 people for highschool graduation would suck royally.

if its outside on bleachers and there is more than enough room then just go to the event. It's not worth getting all OMG schools are mean over. They can't accommodate every person who wants to attend every event. If you area is anything like mine the venues are booked for high school graduations, which means they host these types of events on their grounds or they rent elsewhere. And I am not being rude. Rude would be calling you a delusional drama queen, and I didn't.

It's not outside on bleachers it's in a school gym, and they are only allowing 2 people per child. My entire point is that I think that is inconsiderate to children who are in blended families. I am sorry if my saying that upsets you. Isn't that the point of these boards to be able to come share frustations and talk to others in similar situations.

I never said it wasn't inconsiderate. But how do you propose they fix this? There are capacity limits on places, and I doubt they would arbitrarily say only two people per kid, it space wasn't an issue. If there are two classes with thirty kids each that is sixty kids. You can't allow some to have three tickets, some to have four and others only two. So, to accommodate BF's they hour give each kid four tickets. That's another 240 people and you must allow for a few rule breakers who will bring their kids or grandparents. That's another 25. You are now up to 325 people. Add in your staff, teachers, principals etc another 15. That's 340. Most elementary and middle schools cannot accommodate that many. And if yours can, then do something about it instead of posting a poor me message on the Internet, contact the school board. Contact the principal again. Contact your state department of education. Make some real waves and try to get changes made.

I am not quite sure why you continue to attack me but I am not here to argue with you. I would say the majority of post on this board are as you call them "poor me" posts. In my opinion this is a place where women can come to vent about things bugging them. I am sorry if you disagree. Regardless of wether I was calling the school board, or district I would still come here for support and to vent.

I was seeking advise from other stepparents and seeing if anyone else had experiences anything similiar with their stepkids schools. I am sorry that this offends you so much.

She is not attacking you, she is trying to give you perspective and some commons sense.

The fact of human nature is to kvetch about the things we STRONGLY feel. So by posting on a message board that you have rarely posted on before, it stands to reason that this is MORE THAN a small bump in your daily life.

Therefore, when we read this post, we saw took it for what 95% of the posts here are, deep feelings about an issue...

EXCEPT, that becuase we are bystanders to this situation, we see it with less investment then you do.

And Mary was just trying to show you the common sense reason why this occurred so your could get over your hurt feelings and move on.

Blind Support and IVYs are not actually the best responses in a 'regular' family,,let alone a blended one. Objective advice goes much further than unicorn farts and will help you become the best parent you can be. So please take the advice for what it was intended...advice.

Littlejen22 · May 2012

Ditto Mary, call the BOE or Principal and point oUt the situation and ask what can be done even if it means offering to enter last if there is enough room allowed by fire code.

blush64 · May 2012

Schools ususally only allow 2 tickets due to space. Maybe if they rented a larger space and charged money they could allow mroe tickets. It was like this for highschool and university grads I have been to, there were two tickets and at some events we went into a lottery for extra tickets. I don't think it's done to exclude anyone.

EDIT to add

kali55 · May 2012

I'm with the OP on this one. I think that capacity or otherwise, if you are going to hold an official graduation for the kids you should be able to accommodate blended families, even if it is only standing room. I would be upset if I was told I couldn't attend a graduation after helping every other school night with homework and projects.

Kaeldrasmommy · May 2012

Having been to many stuffed far beyond capacity school events, I agree that they need to start accomodating this situation. Even using a high school gym woulnd't be too difficult.

And totally off topic, Illumine, I love your new pic.

DaringMiss · May 2012

kali55:
I think that capacity or otherwise, if you are going to hold an official graduation for the kids you should be able to accommodate blended families, even if it is only standing room.

It's called fire regulations.

Space is finite and the school is trying to be as fair as possible. It sucks but it is what it is.

Ilumine · May 2012

kali55:

I'm with the OP on this one. I think that capacity or otherwise, if you are going to hold an official graduation for the kids you should be able to accommodate blended families, even if it is only standing room. I would be upset if I was told I couldn't attend a graduation after helping every other school night with homework and projects.

Yeah...lets break county safety rules just so we wont ruffle the feathers of everyone who may want to go?

I am not trying to be snarky, but the sad facts are, there is ONLY so much space a room has. Each kid gets 2 tickets per BioParent. But then you want to add the Step Parents - that equal 3-4 tickets.

And if you give one child 4 tickets, then you have to give every kid 4 tickets, because the siblings and grandparents are JUST AS important as a Step-parent.

So with an origial number of 60 kids + 120 bioparents = 180. Then you add on another 120 and now you have 300 people. That does not include the number of teachers, aides and staff that have as much right to watch their students "graduate" so lets lowball that at 15.

That number is 315. If the gym can only hold 200 (which is a normal capacity for a gradeschool that only has 60 kids in the 5th grade) where do you propse they hold it?

Because its not like there is extra monies in a grade school to host an off-site graduation.

It sucks. But it is not the Schools "fault" for the blended family issue.

princess_cal · May 2012

Okay, it's a 5th grade graduation. Understandable they can only accomodate so many people, and if it's only 2 people it should be the bio parents.

Have someone videotape it and move on.

kali55 · May 2012

Ilumine:
kali55:

I'm with the OP on this one. I think that capacity or otherwise, if you are going to hold an official graduation for the kids you should be able to accommodate blended families, even if it is only standing room. I would be upset if I was told I couldn't attend a graduation after helping every other school night with homework and projects.

Yeah...lets break county safety rules just so we wont ruffle the feathers of everyone who may want to go?

I am not trying to be snarky, but the sad facts are, there is ONLY so much space a room has. Each kid gets 2 tickets per BioParent. But then you want to add the Step Parents - that equal 3-4 tickets.

And if you give one child 4 tickets, then you have to give every kid 4 tickets, because the siblings and grandparents are JUST AS important as a Step-parent.

So with an origial number of 60 kids + 120 bioparents = 180. Then you add on another 120 and now you have 300 people. That does not include the number of teachers, aides and staff that have as much right to watch their students "graduate" so lets lowball that at 15.

That number is 315. If the gym can only hold 200 (which is a normal capacity for a gradeschool that only has 60 kids in the 5th grade) where do you propse they hold it?

Because its not like there is extra monies in a grade school to host an off-site graduation.

It sucks. But it is not the Schools "fault" for the blended family issue.

Hmmm, I may have worded that incorrectly. I'm not suggesting that fire regulations be broken, but I am suggesting that I feel like the school should be a little more proactive when it comes to blended families. Not every family will use both tickets, so have a waiting list for unused tickets. It's not ideal, but at least it would be something. Or, if demand was high, organize it off site and charge for tickets so step parents and grandparents and siblings could attend.

Ilumine · May 2012

kali55:
Ilumine:
kali55:

I'm with the OP on this one. I think that capacity or otherwise, if you are going to hold an official graduation for the kids you should be able to accommodate blended families, even if it is only standing room. I would be upset if I was told I couldn't attend a graduation after helping every other school night with homework and projects.

Yeah...lets break county safety rules just so we wont ruffle the feathers of everyone who may want to go?

I am not trying to be snarky, but the sad facts are, there is ONLY so much space a room has. Each kid gets 2 tickets per BioParent. But then you want to add the Step Parents - that equal 3-4 tickets.

And if you give one child 4 tickets, then you have to give every kid 4 tickets, because the siblings and grandparents are JUST AS important as a Step-parent.

So with an origial number of 60 kids + 120 bioparents = 180. Then you add on another 120 and now you have 300 people. That does not include the number of teachers, aides and staff that have as much right to watch their students "graduate" so lets lowball that at 15.

That number is 315. If the gym can only hold 200 (which is a normal capacity for a gradeschool that only has 60 kids in the 5th grade) where do you propse they hold it?

Because its not like there is extra monies in a grade school to host an off-site graduation.

It sucks. But it is not the Schools "fault" for the blended family issue.

Hmmm, I may have worded that incorrectly. I'm not suggesting that fire regulations be broken, but I am suggesting that I feel like the school should be a little more proactive when it comes to blended families.

Please explain to me why it is up to the school to accommodate someone else's personal choices? Personal choices that have created such crazy legal issues/fall out that it takes a couple spreadsheets just to manage who gets what information, let alone who is LEGALLY allowed to attend/participate.

Two tickets for the two biological parents.

Not every family will use both tickets, so have a waiting list for unused tickets.

Why does the school need to do this? Why can't you, as a parent start making phone calls around to see if there is an extra ticket?

It's not ideal, but at least it would be something. Or, if demand was high, organize it off site and charge for tickets so step parents and grandparents and siblings could attend.

Do you understand just how much extra work and monies you are asking the school to take on so you can participate?

Its not like the cost is JUST for the extra tickets. They will now have to charge for EVERYONE's ticket becuase UNLIKE THE FREE GYM, they now have to pay for a venue to cover EVERYONE.

So now the handful of stepparents that would come will have to pay for EVERYONE's place (because I would be absolutely pissed if I now have to pay for something that should have been free).

What if the number of stepparents that want to come is small? They are now covering a very large rental fee.

And it is STILL on the school administration to deal with organzing this. Taking time and resources away from their real mission, teaching the kids. All because a group of adults just couldn't recognize that this is not a personal slight, just a fact of life.

Ilumine · May 2012

I know I am being bitchy. But as the daughter of two teachers, this whole "its the schools job/fault/responsibility" mentality just pisses me off.

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