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Miscarriage/Pregnancy Loss
lindseynl23
member
I lost my twins
lindseynl23
member
On the morning 04/27/2012 I gave birth to twin boys. I was 18 weeks. I'm extremely devastated. I never knew something could hurt so terribly bad. I lost them due to an incompetent cervix. Despite all efforts by my doctor, they were unable to stop my contractions. Their hearts were still beating when they came into this world, but their lungs were too underdeveloped for them to live. Everything else was perfectly developed 10 fingers, 10 toes, perfect beautiful little faces. I feel so lost, like this is a horrible dream, but every morning I wake up and am forced with the reality that they are gone. My sweet baby boys are gone. I miss them so much, the love I feel for them is unlike any other. Nothing makes sense, I just go through the motions. I waited so long for this opportunity and it has been ripped from me. How will these wounds ever heal? How do I find the courage to go on? I want to be close to them so bad, I want to be their mommy, I want to hold them, spoil them, see them laugh, hear them cry, watch them play. I want all these things that are so impossible. All the expectations and dreams I had for them, are now and always will be just dreams. I am broken.
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Re: I lost my twins
Unfortunately, there is nothing people can say to help through this devastating time. You are experiencing the worst pain the the world & no one can take that pain away for you. Some people can be so insensitive too. I am so sorry for your pain, but know it well myself.
It took us 2 years to get pregnant and with the help of IVF were able to conceive twins. At 11 weeks we lost baby A and for weeks we were devastated. At our 20 week appointment we found out we were having a boy and we had many talks about how baby A was still apart of our boys' story. I was in good health and similar to you, I just started having contractions at 23 weeks & 5 days. By the time I got to the hospital I was completely dilated with no sign of my cervix. They tried everything they could to slow it down or stop it, but couldn't. He was breach, so they called for an emergency c-section. On April 14, 2012 we delivered a baby boy. He lived for 11 hours and 54 minutes before passing the same evening. We love him, touched him, kissed him, and held him while he passed.
It has been 3 weeks since he died & each day is still full of emotions. I hope your DH is supportive & is willing to help talk through this with you, that has been my only saving grace in all this. I know it hurts, but I know I'm not feeling this pain alone. I hope you are able to find comfort in some small things that surround you in this pain.
I'm so so sorry for your loss. T&P for you that you and DH may begin to heal.
<<super hugs>>
** BFP #1 - M/C at 6 weeks 4/13/2012 **
** BFP #2 - expecting a little leprechaun!! EDD 3/21/13 | HB 7/30/2012 (6w3d) **
NT Scan 9/4 - looked great! | Grow, baby, grow!!! | A/S 10/29
***All AL always welcome***
BFP 4/18/12, M/C 4/27/12 at 6w6d
BFP 7/1/12 - Counting down to our little girl, EDD 3/8/13
I am so incredibly sorry. I cannot even imagine the pain of late term losses such as this. My heart absolutely breaks for you.
Do whatever you need to heal and please make sure you have a support system in place.
Huge hugs to you.
TTC for 2 years w/ PCOS - Ectopic in April 2012 at 7 weeks; MTX x2
Check out my blog: Married In A Zoo
& follow me on Twitter
BFP1: DD1 born April 2011 at 34w1d via unplanned c/s due to HELLP, DVT 1 week PP
BFP3: DD2 born Feb 2013 at 38w4d via unplanned RCS due to uterine dehiscence
First pregnancy - blighted ovum, miscarriage at 10 weeks, Apr./May 2012
Second BFP 9/19/12 - Hoping for our Rainbow Baby!
BFP#1 10/1/2011. Our perfect little girl, Her heart stopped @ 12w1d. D&E 11/23/11
BFP#2 3/13/12 Weird CP/Possible EP @ 6w0d
BFP#3 5/28/12 CP @ 5w0d
BFP/WTF#4 10/26/12 CP
BFP#5 12/10/12 EDD 8/23/2013
BFP#1 11/12/11 ~ No heartbeat 12/12/11 ~ D&C 12/19/11
BFP#2 3/25/12 ~ Heartbeat 141 4/16/12 ~ No heartbeat 4/25/12 ~ D&C 04/30/12
BFP#3 7/16/12 ~ EDD 3/26/13 ~ It's a BOY ~ DOB 2/26/13