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Baby Showers
FTM - multiple shower questions
First of all....I'm not a big shower person. I do not enjoy being the center of attention and I hate feeling like people feel obligated to give me gifts. I also don't have a lot of girlfriends and generally I am incredibly socially awkward about these things and really don't understand the etiquette of it all (although I always write my thank you notes, thanks Mom!). I barely survived my wedding shower with my husband at my side.
But, my DH and MIL insist that I need to allow people the opportunity to give, because that is something other people enjoy doing and that women enjoy baby showers, especially here in the South...so I relented when (for the 5th time) MIL asked me if she could throw me a shower.
Instead of games **phew** she is putting together a craft where everyone does an alphabet page (if they want to) to make an ABC book for LO, which I think is really nice. She has not asked me about a guest list and it is scheduled for next Tuesday (dread!). I think a lot of women from her church are coming and some family members and family friends. She's wonderful and will keep it simple, cupcakes and a few finger sandwiches and drinks, not a big drawn-out affair.
Questions:
- I think it is too late for me to ask her to NOT include my registry information on the invite...but is that an option?
- I already have, thanks to the generosity of others, more clothing than I can handle, enough to clothe my son until he is 5...literally. It took me two weeks to wash and fold everything and I have had to put 5 rubbermaids in storage because of the wonderful generosity of others! I don't suppose I can say please, no clothing, can I? That just feels rude. Is it bad if I return them for things like diapers (if people include a receipt?). I would, of course, NOT mention that at the shower or in the thank you note.
-DH is in a band, all the wives of the band members are friends (I'm a transplant from out of state and he and I are just 9 months married) and all these girls have known each other for a while and there is an extended network of women that DH has known through his friends and are thereby *our* friends, though I'm not really close to them (we don't hang out very often). One of the wives just texted DH and I "Hey! Would you like us to throw you guys a baby shower?" What is my reply?
-ETA: Should I invite women from my workplace (there's just four of us here) to the shower? I've worked here for 8 months and (they don't know this yet) will be leaving (with advance notice!) sometime shortly after baby is 6 months or so (job change for DH). We are all really friendly and MIL is asking me to invite them!
-ETA: Should I invite women from my church? A couple of them I know cannot afford a baby shower gift and I don't want to have them feel pressured to bring anything. I can't invite some and not others...and I know its not my place to judge what people can and can't do...I just don't want anyone to feel like I had a special event and didn't invite them but also I don't want them to feel obligated to buy a gift!
Ugh social anxiety. I want to hide in a hole. Thank you Bumpies for always having answers for these kinds of questions! Husbands just don't understand.
ETA: Yes, I realize I am a ridiculous, over-thinking human being. Thank you for helping me anyway!
This discussion has been closed.
Re: FTM - multiple shower questions
1. You can elect not to have registry info on your invite. That would kind of annoy me because it just means I have to either google you or call your hostess and ask her, but I certainly don't find it in poor taste to not include it (or to include it). This is really just a matter of personal preference.
2. You will use all of your clothes- don't worry!
But yes, it is rude to tell people what to buy or not buy- BUT if anyone asks for your preferences, it is fine to say you have lots of clothing, thanks to other gifts and you are all set there.
3. That is sweet of the wives! Are they on the guest list of your currently planned shower? If not, do you think your hostess can accommodate them? If not, then simply reply with whatever you feel. A yes or a no, thank you. Whatever you are most comfortable with. Maybe if you want to take them up on it, ask them for a low key, very casual group get together rather than a women's only shower since you aren't close with them? I don't know.
If the shower is a week from tomorrow, likely invitations already went out, don't worry about the registry info.
Other than including the registry info, it is not appropriate to ask guests to buy (or not buy) certain things. If you receive clothes, you can exchange or donate them, no problem.
If you don't want another shower, you can absolutely decline. Is there something you would prefer so you can get to know the ladies better? It would be fine to say, "A shower isn't necessary, but we would love to have you over for dinner. Does such a date work for you?". Just make sure the invite doesn't involve effort or expense on their part.
I would assume that your MIL already sent invitations and told people where you are registered since the shower is next week. So I wouldn't worry about that at this point. People want to know where you're registered, so if it's on the invitation that's great and if it's not, they'll ask anyway. So let that one go.
As far as not needing clothes, I don't think there's anything you can do there either. It would be rude to say it on an invitation and the invitations have already gone out anyway so it's just too late now. Keep tags on things and return what you have too much of.
If the shower next week is just church and family, then I would say yes to your band friends hosting you a shower. It would be fun to have a co-ed one with all of your friends and it would give them a chance to participate since it sounds like they aren't invited to the one your MIL is throwing.
I wouldn't invite co-workers or church friends to the shower that your band friends throw. Your MIL's shower would have been good for your church friends but it sounds like she didn't give you a chance to let her know who you wanted to invite, so it may just be that your church friends don't get invited. They might offer to throw one for you since church showers seem fairly common.