Toddlers: 12 - 24 Months

Was your mom a good mom?

Today I asked my husband, "All things considered, do you think your mom was a good mom".

Sadly he said no.

So, how about you?  Was your mom a good mom?

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Re: Was your mom a good mom?

  • She was indeed.  I never doubted that she loved me, she was supportive of all the activities I wanted to do as a kid, and she was a great cook :)  DH laments that I didn't exactly inherit her mad cooking skillz.
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  • She was and is amazing. 
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  • SGC29SGC29 member

    Sadly, no. 

    I wish more than anything I could say yes as this is something I literally think about every day of my life.  

  • My mom was a great mom. Tough at times but only when we needed it. And she was a great friend when I needed it too! I miss her daily. Especially now that I have Zoe!


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  • Now yes.  My mom is great mom and grandmother.  Growing up she wasn't a part of my life from when I was 4 to 16.  She chose to be with her boyfriend then be a mother.  I would like to think we are all good now but unfortunately these issues still come up.
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  • Yes, she was a good mom.

    ETA more detail: She found the right balance between parent and confidant. Of course, no one is perfect, but I think she did a good job raising me. :)

     

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  • Yes and No....mostly no.... She was a great mom up until I was about 13, then she had a major midlife crisis, moved to another country and abandoned the family (Im the oldest of 4) when I was 16. Didnt even say goodbye. That was 1998. I havent seen or spoken to her since. =-( Sh*t happens! Not that I needed to have experienced that to be a good mom, but it definatley makes me cherish the relationship I have with my daughter that much more!

    J+E ~ 08/25/2007   DD#1 ~ 05/11/2010   DD#2 ~ 09/25/2013   DD#3 ~ 06/09/2016   Baby #4 Due ~ 01/16/2023

  • imageSGC29:

    Sadly, no. 

    I wish more than anything I could say yes as this is something I literally think about every day of my life.  

    This.  

    I am so jealous of women who have good relationships with their moms, or their dads.  Growing up the way I did makes me not ever want to have a daughter, just in case I get stuck in the pattern, even though I try every day to NOT do anything the way she might.

    I know she loves me, but she and I have some serious issues. And I doubt she even realizes why I keep myself distant.  

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  • My mom was and still is amazing. She definitely wasn't perfect, and we definitely had our moments. (Still do every now and then.) But I have so much respect for her. She's my hero.
  • We had some really tough years- she's an addict and her addictions frequently clouded her reality. Now, we have a great relationship- she is in recovery and I came out OK, I think!
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  • imagePennilyn Novus:
    imageSGC29:

    Sadly, no. 

    I wish more than anything I could say yes as this is something I literally think about every day of my life.  

    This.  

    I am so jealous of women who have good relationships with their moms, or their dads.  Growing up the way I did makes me not ever want to have a daughter, just in case I get stuck in the pattern, even though I try every day to NOT do anything the way she might.

    I know she loves me, but she and I have some serious issues. And I doubt she even realizes why I keep myself distant.  

    This is me.

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  • I think she tried the best she could and she stopped the cycle of violence that was part of her childhood. She was raised in an abusive home (like, horrible physical and emotional abuse at a very young age), and she made sure that we weren't raised the way she was.

    She's a yeller, though, and has her own issues, but overall I am happy having her as my mom.

    DS1 - Feb 2008

    DS2 - Oct 2010 (my VBAC baby!)

  • the best. the absolute best. perfection. i am so lucky
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  • Yes she always was and still is; I'm very close with my mom.
    DS (7 years old) from FET in 2010
    DD (5 years old) from IUI in 2012
    TTC 3rd and final!: IUI #1 in progress!
  • kcl22kcl22 member

    She really was and still is. 

  • imagePennilyn Novus:
    imageSGC29:

    Sadly, no. 

    I wish more than anything I could say yes as this is something I literally think about every day of my life.  

    This.  

    I am so jealous of women who have good relationships with their moms, or their dads.  Growing up the way I did makes me not ever want to have a daughter, just in case I get stuck in the pattern, even though I try every day to NOT do anything the way she might.

    I know she loves me, but she and I have some serious issues. And I doubt she even realizes why I keep myself distant.  

    This is the way I feel about my father. My response said my mom was a great mom, but if the question had been about fathers it would be the exact opposite. 

    DS (7 years old) from FET in 2010
    DD (5 years old) from IUI in 2012
    TTC 3rd and final!: IUI #1 in progress!
  • My mom is and was a great mom. I know I'm lucky. I hope my kids can say the same thing about me one day.
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  • MrsSRMrsSR member

    I think my mom is a good mom.  We are much closer now then we were when I was younger.

    I think she could have made some better choices here and there, but overall she was a good mom.

  • I think she was pretty good.  I give her a B+.  She did a great job of taking care of us, keeping us safe, cooking for us, etc.  Growing up, I felt like she favored our youngest brother.  She always seemed more willing to spend time with him than my other brother or me.  She also let him get away with murder- he never had to do any chores and was never disciplined, even when he talked back or kicked/hit her (when he was a little kid he was agressive, not when he was older).  She wasn't real close to me and I've never been able to bond with her really.  I get jealous of my friends who hang out with their moms or meet them for lunch.  My mom wouldn't be interested in that, although she does with my brother. 
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  • Nope, not at all. I'm very thankful that she was a bad mom, because in a way I feel it has made ME a better mother. Not to mention I don't have high standards to achieve ;)

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  • My mom is a great mom. If I can be as good of a mom to my son as she was to me, I'll be proud of myself. She and I are very close and I love and look up to her so much. I wish I had a close relationship with my dad though. Even though my parents are happily married, my dad is very quiet and keeps to himself. 
    image

    11-15-08
    12-1-10
  • After she started therapy and got on anti depressants when I was in high school? Yes. Before then? She cared for our physical needs, but was an emotional basket case who was very, very, VERY hard to please. Now our relationship is totally different and really wonderful. I wish she had gotten help sooner. 
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    DS - 2 years old
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  • My mom was an older mom and I was adopted when my parents were like 50.  Looking back, I think she suffered from some kind of depression since she would say some randomly mean and hurtful things to me growing up. Especially the teenage years!  

    But truth be told she loved me more than anything and I definitely knew it. So in that case - what more can you ask for?

     

     

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  • My mom is amazing!
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  • I would say my mom was a decent mom.  I was an only child, and she was involved in most aspects of my life, such as homework and sports.  She cooked every night for me, even though sometimes it was a boxed meal lol.  The only negative thing I can say, is that she has never been good at expressing her emotions, and has never ever had any kind of deep conversation with me.  I've never really gone to her for advice, because I don't think she'd be able to give it.  She is very very laid back, and just goes with the flow.  But she's a wonderful person, and a great friend, and we hang out regularly these days.  I just hope that as DD gets older, I'll be confident and comfortable enough to speak with her about serious topics, which my mom could never do.
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  • epona3epona3 member
    My mom is awesome. She can drive me crazy, but she has always loved me, supported me and did her best to raise me right. She is a fabulous grandma to DD as well. She will be here Sunday to stay for a week, though, so I may have a different answer after she leaves LOL
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  • My mother was terrible. My folks divorced when I was 6 mos and my dad got custody of my bro but they left me with her. 6 years later she lost custody of me and my half sis. I've tried to connect with her many times since and she just fcuking sucks. I don't have to do much to be a better mother than her. 

    image
    SEAHAWKS! And... Macklemore. Seattle's WINNING! 
  • Absofreakinlutely
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  • I used to think she was an amazing mom, but now that I'm a mom myself, I find myself questioning a lot of her decisions. Overall I'd still say yes, she was a good mom, but I hope to be a better mom. Is that bad?
    Anneliese Olive 11/5/09
    Hazel Dianna 1/8/11
    Luna Valentine 4/25/13


  • nealblnealbl member

    She is the epitome of who I aspire to be.  

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  • ougrad1ougrad1 member

    My mom was extremely hard on me and OCD by every definition but, at the end of the day, yes, I can say she was a good mom whom I love very much.

     

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  • imagenealbl:

    She is the epitome of who I aspire to be.  

    This is how I feel about my dad and step-mom.  I'm very, very lucky to have them.

    My mother and father divorced when I was 5 and my dad was awarded full custody.  My mom was more interested in living her single life than raising a child at that time.  She rarely came to visitations.  I would spend my visitations with her parents. She eventually had two more children, and raised them from birth to adulthood. 

    Our relationship now is very superficial.  I think she wants to be a part of my life only to have pictures of my DS to show off to her friends.

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    Lilypie - (A6Jy)


  • My mom is awesome, as is my father. I was blessed with amazing parents. I currently live 6 hours away from her, but she is literally my best friend.  We talk daily, I wish I lived closer to her.  She obviously has her faults, she isn't perfect. I've noticed as a grandma she doesn't seem to have a ton of patience. That could have something to do with my sister and her almost 3 year old twins still living with them though.  
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  • She was a good woman. She loved me dearly, and held desperately on to life even though the pain was literally eating away at her, just to be there for my next day. She was a role model that I could only hope to one day emulate. Smart, strong, and stubborn, her independence and sheer grit were probably her most admirable qualities. She was an amazing human.

     

    But...note that I never said she was a good mom.  

     

    I often wonder if I won't end up like her: smart, strong, and, when it comes to my kid... a bit soulless. She loved me (as I love my child) but there was very little expression of that love until she was almost dead, and at that point, I was already a very hard shell of a little girl inside. I often wish I'd stayed soft up to that point, just to give her that little bit of brightness at the end... but by the time she finally died (after 8 years of fighting breast cancer), I was already convinced that Mommy would never love me as much as she loved Math. 

    Jack Anderson 2.28.10 Our amazing little man. image
  • A damn good mom! And she still is.

    I always specifically remember when I was a 15 yr old (le sigh). I was going downhill fast. I was with "the bad crowd", failing 3 classes and overall depressed. I remember that I really didn't give a f***.

    She did everything she could. I remember her going with me into school and going to talk to all my teachers. The teachers then let me turn in late work. She made me carry home all of my books everyday even if there was no homework for that class. She talked to me. She really got it into my head that I needed to change, and fast. And I did. If she wasn't there in that crucial time, I don't know where I'd be now.

    And of course, there were a billion other things she did.

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  • I have to say yes and no. I have a very complicated relationship with my mother. She always provided for our needs and supported us in activities and made holidays special and whatnot, but she was the queen of the guilt trip and was and continues to be very judgmental of people and holds them up to next to impossible moral standards. She never really had any friends and I often wonder if this is why.

    She always made us feel that she could've done something with her life if she hadn't had to care for my dad and my siblings and I. My father has pretty severe mental illness that onset early in their marriage and  continued through most of my childhood (he has since received effective treatment and is relatively stable), so I understand that it was very difficult to raise us with basically no help at all. Still, I resent that I always had the sense that we ruined her life and that I was never good enough.

    I've been through years of therapy to figure out this relationship and still I feel incredibly conflicted about it. Now, we get along ok if we keep everything very surface, but I've never been able to talk to her about anything of significance. I most definitely intend to parent very differently.

  • I would say that up until the age of about 10, she was.  When my dad got sick, she worked to support the family, so my dad was home more.  At the age of 15, my parents got a divorce and my mom decided partying it up and meeting men was more important than staying home with me and my little sister.  Emotionally, my mother was not around much for me and my sister (my sister was age 12 at the time of the divorce).  I made sure she had dinner, clean clothes, etc.  My mom was even taking the majority of my pay check to cover her partying habit. 

    She kicked me out at 16 (long story), told my sister she would never see me again and shipped me off to my dads.  When a friend's mother came to take me to live with them, my mom came and took me back home.  My life was miserable for months.

    Things are ok now, but a lot of stuff still hurts me.  I have moved on, but I have not forgotten.  It is what it is... can't change it. 

     


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  • Yes, my mom was awesome.  Looking back I never realized how we didnt have much, but it always seemed like we had the world.


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  • Kind of.  She cared, but had a lot of issues.  My mom was really crazy when I was young.  She had a really horrible father, and she was still really letting that affect her as an adult.  She did some really immature things, and it made things really hard for me and my siblings.

    It also took her an extremely long time to treat me like an adult.  Like until at least a year after I got married, which was at 27.  She and my dad wouldn't listen to anything I said, and would act like any opinion I had was stupid and didn't matter. It made DH so mad, and he still harbors some resentment toward my parents because of how badly they were treating me.

    It's a lot better now.  I'm not sure what happened, but she's evidently worked through a lot of things and we have a much more adult relationship.  I like it. 

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  • My mom is/was an excellent mom and is just as awesome as a grandma.

    When I was little she was creative, fun, crafty, supportive, and she struck just the right balance between letting me know that I could tell her everything, but still being a parent.  Now that I'm an adult we are truly best friends and there is not much that I wouldn't tell her. The *only* thing she didn't do was cook. Our house was spotless and I was happy  though, so who cares if we ate out every.single.night?

    I hope I'm 1/2 the mom she is.

     

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