How do I throw my own shower?

val_vazquez · May 2012

My best friend was going to throw my baby shower for me but she just got married and is not in a place financially to do it anymore... she actually may not even be able to make it to the shower (she lives in Seattle while I live in Chicago). So... I'm pretty sure I'll be throwing my own shower. The idea we had was to do a "girls' party" and a "guys' party" at the same time - where the girls have a typical shower and the guys grill outside... then afterwards everyone would get together. But now I feel awkward having it that way because it would mean that I'd have to plan my own shower games, etc... It just feels odd. What would you do if you were me? Still have 2 separate parties at the same time or just go co-ed?

EastCoastBride · May 2012

What I would do is nothing. You don't plan your own shower. Maybe someone else will offer. If not, then no shower.

You can still have a BBQ just to have a BBQ, but "shower" shouldn't be mentioned, nor should gifts/registry.

danieliza1127 · May 2012

Don't throw your own shower. If she can't host it for you anymore and no one else offers to throw one for you, you might just not get to have a shower. Maybe if you tell a family member or friend that she can't do it anymore, someone would step up and offer, but it's not a guarantee. You could just wait until after the baby is born and have a meet the baby type party.

twister22 · May 2012

Your baby shower is a gift, not something you throw for yourself. Maybe someone else will offer to host, but if they don't, then no shower. If you want a BBQ, then have one, but don't expect any gifts.

srs5624 · May 2012

EastCoastBride:

What I would do is nothing. You don't plan your own shower. Maybe someone else will offer. If not, then no shower.

You can still have a BBQ just to have a BBQ, but "shower" shouldn't be mentioned, nor should gifts/registry.

Ditto

Aleja0918 · May 2012

EastCoastBride:
What I would do is nothing. You don't plan your own shower. Maybe someone else will offer. If not, then no shower.

You can still have a BBQ just to have a BBQ, but "shower" shouldn't be mentioned, nor should gifts/registry.

This. Especially the bold.

It's never acceptable to throw your own.

Chengele · May 2012

Visit this thread and see for yourself:

https://community.thebump.com/cs/ks/forums/thread/65574362.aspx

Jillwithani · May 2012

DelBride2012 · May 2012

Sorry, I am new to this board and don't know a lot about showers, but isn't there at least some risk that someone is going to throw a surprise party (possibly even the BFF)? A person would feel awfully silly throwing a big shower for herself only to find out someone else had one in the works the whole time. I threw a surprise party for a friend earlier this year and I am imagining what it would have been like if she'd been planning her own party concurrently... Yikes.

punkrockabye · May 2012

1. You apparently live in Glenview, not Chicago.

2. You don't throw your own shower.

FemShep · May 2012

EastCoastBride:
What I would do is nothing. You don't plan your own shower. Maybe someone else will offer. If not, then no shower.

You can still have a BBQ just to have a BBQ, but "shower" shouldn't be mentioned, nor should gifts/registry.

This. It feels odd because it's inappropriate; you should never host a gift-giving event for yourself.

pugznploons · May 2012

you do not throw your own shower, unless you want your friends and family gossiping about how tacky you are behind your back.

if no one offers to throw a shower, you don't get one.

PunkyBooster · May 2012

How do I throw my own shower?

You don't.

Sherbet Lemon · May 2012

PunkyBooster:

How do I throw my own shower?

You don't.

Exactly what I was going to respond.

mben1119 · May 2012

EastCoastBride:

What I would do is nothing. You don't plan your own shower. Maybe someone else will offer. If not, then no shower.

You can still have a BBQ just to have a BBQ, but "shower" shouldn't be mentioned, nor should gifts/registry.

This exactly.

Adam&Eve07 · May 2012

mbm1983:

I completely respect everyone's opinion but i just disagree.

i understand how it can seem like a party just to get gives for mom, but how how is it any different than planning your wedding? they are both events that celebrate something amazing in your life. You want people to join, but people don't necessarily have to bring a gift. However, most people do.

Perhaps this is just how my family is. Nobody ever considers it "tacky" to get together with family, eat, and have a great time while celebrating a new little one. Whether the mom or grandmother is the host or not.

The only thing i would consider tacky, is someone going just to talk bad about the host and the choices she made. If you have a problem, then just don't go.

Spoken like a true newb.

Sherbet Lemon · May 2012

mbm1983:

I completely respect everyone's opinion but i just disagree.

i understand how it can seem like a party just to get gives for mom, but how how is it any different than planning your wedding? they are both events that celebrate something amazing in your life. You want people to join, but people don't necessarily have to bring a gift. However, most people do.

Perhaps this is just how my family is. Nobody ever considers it "tacky" to get together with family, eat, and have a great time while celebrating a new little one. Whether the mom or grandmother is the host or not.

The only thing i would consider tacky, is someone going just to talk bad about the host and the choices she made. If you have a problem, then just don't go.

Sigh.

A wedding shower and a baby shower are comparable events. Both are meant to shower the guest of honor with gifts in celebration of an upcoming important event in their lives. Gifts are expected at showers - I would never attend one without a gift.

A wedding is more comparable to the birth of a baby - the actual life changing event. Obviously the guest component is different as to how many and when they attend... but at a wedding or w/ visitors at the hospital following a birth, I wouldn't expect gifts, though many people will likely bring them.

As to your second point, have a brunch or a meet the baby party. Then everyone can celebrate w/out the obligation of a gift. If no one offers to host a shower, this is a more acceptable thing for a mom to host herself.

mnieciecki · May 2012

punkrockabye:
1. You apparently live in Glenview, not Chicago.
2. You don't throw your own shower.

I loved this.

SugarCream · May 2012

I technically have to throw my own shower so there is a way to do it, you cant have it look like you did though. Ask if you can borrow someones house, or ask a really close friend of family member if any live close to say they are hosting. My MIL wants to throw me a shower but cant really do a lot, so shes going to act like the host and let me use her house..but everything else will be done by me (planning, decorating, paying for things etc).

Other than that just throw a bbq and say you want people to come and celebrate the fact you are having a baby with you and if they bring gifts, great! Im sure some people will, people like buying baby stuff.

Didican813 · May 2012

Right on!

Didican813 · May 2012

Don't listen to anyone on here. You do what you want. Have a BBQ!

Throw yourself a BBQ have a fun time. Don't listen to the people here that dont understand what it's like not to have people in your life to step up.

Didican813 · May 2012

Also! Read the other posts about how involved people were in their showers. Sounds like people helped out a lot so everyone needs to just STOP it. Get real...how many people didn't do a single thing? Not even give a guest list, or help pick a date? Puh-lease

tartaruga · May 2012

mbm1983:

I completely respect everyone's opinion but i just disagree.

i understand how it can seem like a party just to get gives for mom, but how how is it any different than planning your wedding? they are both events that celebrate something amazing in your life. You want people to join, but people don't necessarily have to bring a gift. However, most people do.

Perhaps this is just how my family is. Nobody ever considers it "tacky" to get together with family, eat, and have a great time while celebrating a new little one. Whether the mom or grandmother is the host or not.

The only thing i would consider tacky, is someone going just to talk bad about the host and the choices she made. If you have a problem, then just don't go.

When you invite people to your wedding, you're inviting them to witness you getting married. When you invite people to your shower, you're inviting them to "shower" you with gifts. See the difference?

tartaruga · May 2012

Didican813:
Don't listen to anyone on here. You do what you want. Have a BBQ!
Throw yourself a BBQ have a fun time. Don't listen to the people here that dont understand what it's like not to have people in your life to step up.

If you don't have people in your life to step up, why do you think you have people in your life who want to give you presents?

It's fine to throw a BBQ. It's not fine to throw a BBQ and tell people "and also bring me stuff".

MarandMo · May 2012

I'm appalled how thoughtless people on these boards are!!

First of all, I know a lot of you had roles in planning your own - so give me a break. Secondly, you don't understand what it is like to move away from the friends and family you have known since you were little.

It's hard when you don't have someone to step up and do it for you. I don't live near my closest friends or family and many will not be able to make it to the shower. (they are in CA and I am in CT) If it weren't for my in-laws being in NJ and offering to give me a shower, I wouldn't have a shower either. If I were to receive a shower invite from someone planning their own, I would certainly feel they were just as deserving as the next person to have a little help preparing for the baby! Also, I have been to plenty of showers thrown at the mother to be's house! I think that is the best place to have it - I wish mine could be at my house!

Didican813 · May 2012

I agree w you 100%

09babymama · May 2012

SugarCream:

I technically have to throw my own shower so there is a way to do it, you cant have it look like you did though. Ask if you can borrow someones house, or ask a really close friend of family member if any live close to say they are hosting. My MIL wants to throw me a shower but cant really do a lot, so shes going to act like the host and let me use her house..but everything else will be done by me (planning, decorating, paying for things etc).

Other than that just throw a bbq and say you want people to come and celebrate the fact you are having a baby with you and if they bring gifts, great! Im sure some people will, people like buying baby stuff.

This. As long as it isn't looking like you are the sole one doing it, I don't see the problem, especially if it is your first. It would be a shame to miss out on the celebration of your journey into motherhood just because someone else isn't able to put one on because of finances. Even if you were to do yours at your house, I dont think that would be a problem. I hosted my best friends baby shower, but I did it at her house so people would be able to see the baby room and because she has the perfect house to host things at. Good luck

starlettedir · May 2012

Didican813:
Also! Read the other posts about how involved people were in their showers. Sounds like people helped out a lot so everyone needs to just STOP it. Get real...how many people didn't do a single thing? Not even give a guest list, or help pick a date? Puh-lease

that's about the dumbest validation I've ever heard.

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