January 2012 Moms

How has your relationship been affected?

My entire pregnancy I thought that once the baby was born it would bring DH and I closer together.  I never thought it would do just the opposite.  Our marriage is definitely strong and we aren't going to be splitting up but it just doesn't seem as easy as it used to be.  Lately all I feel is like a mother... not a wife.  It's definitely difficult to try and balance both being a mother and a wife.  How has your marriage/relationship been affected?

BFP 10/1/2010 MMC D&C at 11w4d
BFP 3/15/2011 M/C at 6w
BFP 5/25/2011 DS1 born 1:11pm on 1/16/2012
BFP 10/18/2013 EDD 6/28/2014 GROW BABY GROW!!!!


BabyFruit Ticker

Re: How has your relationship been affected?

  • We're strengthened in most ways except the physical. We still have yet to DTD (it's painful each time we try) and I think that's hard for DH to handle... even if he is taking it like a champ!

    But like you, I always feel like a mother first and wife a distant second. DH has been great about suggesting I get out and do things, but since I BF it's not always easy, and it's a vicious cycle of mother first :)

    DD 1.18.2012
  • We have DTD a few times but it hurts insanely bad.  We didn't do it at all when I was pregnant and I feel bad for DH. 

    DH is totally understanding about everything too.  I just feel like we are growing apart.  I work 11 hour days and so when I am home, all my attention is on DS and as soon as DS goes to bed, I go to bed.  It's definitely a challenge trying to balance everything.  I think I hear a date night calling!

    BFP 10/1/2010 MMC D&C at 11w4d
    BFP 3/15/2011 M/C at 6w
    BFP 5/25/2011 DS1 born 1:11pm on 1/16/2012
    BFP 10/18/2013 EDD 6/28/2014 GROW BABY GROW!!!!


    BabyFruit Ticker
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  • I am sorry to hear your going through that:( DH and I have a crazy in love relationship, after DD was born I think I fell deeper in love with him knowing we created something so beautiful together. Now don't get me wrong we have our arguments where we scream and piss each other off. But I will say the good out weighs the bad:) Not to mention the sex is awesome even though I was not in the mood while pregnant EVER!
    Warning No formatter is installed for the format bbhtml
  • Its different but not worse, maybe even better. It is a lot harder to do the little weekend get aways that always seemed to bring us closer but I think we both really love our family dynamic even if it is a lot more work and crazy trying to get things done.
  • imagewolson1988:

    We have DTD a few times but it hurts insanely bad.  We didn't do it at all when I was pregnant and I feel bad for DH. 

    DH is totally understanding about everything too.  I just feel like we are growing apart.  I work 11 hour days and so when I am home, all my attention is on DS and as soon as DS goes to bed, I go to bed.  It's definitely a challenge trying to balance everything.  I think I hear a date night calling!

    That will definitely help. I didn't think it could do as much as it did, but it really helps bring us back together. 

    DD 1.18.2012
  • We've had ups and downs, but overall our relationship is pretty strong. I knew having a baby would be an added stress for us, but it was something that we decided together that we wanted. We just try not to take life too seriously and work out problems together the best way we can. We try to focus on all the positives, like making our son smile together, or just being silly with each other (last night we played "street fighter", I held our son and he and daddy did their special moves on each other, K loved it!)

    I think that having a newborn is super stressful on a relationship, especially for first time parents. Just try to keep communication open and work together as a team, and things will get better! 

  • I think I may have come across the wrong way... We have a great relationship.  DH is awesome and completely understanding.  I'm just struggling with the fact that I feel like a lousy wife.  All my attention is on DS and I don't know how or where to fit DH into my schedule.  DH is amazing and does a lot for me.  He gets off work at 2 pm every day and by the time I come home, dinner is made, laundry is done, etc.  I just don't feel like I'm a good wife is all.

    BFP 10/1/2010 MMC D&C at 11w4d
    BFP 3/15/2011 M/C at 6w
    BFP 5/25/2011 DS1 born 1:11pm on 1/16/2012
    BFP 10/18/2013 EDD 6/28/2014 GROW BABY GROW!!!!


    BabyFruit Ticker
  • I think that's normal though, the attention kind of has to be on the baby right now. As he gets older you guys will probably have more freedom to spend more time with just the two of you. What about making time for each other after your son goes to bed at night? You're not a lousy wife! :)
  • Awww thanks.  I will definitely try to make time after Brandon goes to bed! 

    BFP 10/1/2010 MMC D&C at 11w4d
    BFP 3/15/2011 M/C at 6w
    BFP 5/25/2011 DS1 born 1:11pm on 1/16/2012
    BFP 10/18/2013 EDD 6/28/2014 GROW BABY GROW!!!!


    BabyFruit Ticker
  • lp0lp0 member
    I think our relationship is strong as ever and possibly even stronger. Don't get me wrong we still have our tiffs and some days I want to throat punch him but overall I think we are solid. He is crazy about ds and I think looks at me a bit different as he now sees me as such a caring mother (I know I look at him differently now that he's my ds's father). The only issue has been our sex life. We stopped having sex at the beginning of my third trimester. He was freaked out that there was a baby in there. We tried dtd at 6 weeks pp but it hurt too much and we had to stop. Then we tried again at 8 weeks pp and were able to do it. Since then it's been once a week but he never initiates it (not to mention im still sore so we have take it slow). It was making me feel unwanted so we talked about it and this week he initiated sex. I think the problem is dh gets up super early so he falls asleep around 9:30pm. Ds goes to sleep between 10:30 - 11pm so sexy time was getting interrupted. But Ds has been falling asleep earlier lately so dh hasnt been too tired to dtd and is looking for sex.
    image
    "Happiness is like a butterfly; the more you chase it the more it will elude you but if u turn your attention to other things it will come & sit softly on your shoulder."

    BFP! 04/26/11 - DS born 12/28/11 - BFP #2! 04/02/13 - DD born 12/11/13 -
    My Ovulation Chart

    imageimage

  • imageelsINlb:
    I think that's normal though, the attention kind of has to be on the baby right now. As he gets older you guys will probably have more freedom to spend more time with just the two of you. What about making time for each other after your son goes to bed at night? You're not a lousy wife! :)

    This is exactly what I was going to say. We've started putting DD down a little earlier at night and it's allowed for us to reconnect. Sometimes it's just watching TV together, other times it's looking for a new house. And I definitely recommend a date night. They work wonders :) 

    DD 1.18.2012
  • imagewolson1988:
    I think I may have come across the wrong way... We have a great relationship.  DH is awesome and completely understanding.  I'm just struggling with the fact that I feel like a lousy wife.  All my attention is on DS and I don't know how or where to fit DH into my schedule.  DH is amazing and does a lot for me.  He gets off work at 2 pm every day and by the time I come home, dinner is made, laundry is done, etc.  I just don't feel like I'm a good wife is all.

     

    I feel this way.  I think I'm a great mom, and my husband is a great dad, but we're not so great at being great spouses and parents at the same time yet.  We've talked about it, agree, and are trying to work on it.  We've agreed to "no computer Saturdays" and are just making a concrete effort to be in us mode, not just mom and dad mode.  I think a lot of it also has to do with the fact that we both suffer a bit from winter depression, and then we threw a baby on top of that smack in the winter.  It's just more of a balancing act now, whereas it all came naturally before the baby.

    image
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  • It's definitely been affected in that I now can't focus all of my attention on DH. When DD was first born DH would say I loved her more. It's not that I love her more, it's that I love them differently. We need to still make more of an effort to be with one another, which meant compromising on ending bedsharing. We moved the crib from DD's room to right beside my side of the bed. That way we can have that closeness at night, but if LO wakes up I can pull her into bed with us at 3am. It's definitely a struggle and something that has to be worked on. I have to remind myself that my babies will grow up and move on, and I'm with DH forever. I don't want to zone out of our relationship while we raise our kids to be strangers once they're out on their own.
  • We became stronger. We faced a huge challenge and we got over. Now we are facing a almost 4 months old(gulp) having diabetes.
    Married to Brandon since 2/14/06
    Twin Girls born on January 1st 2012:Brooklyn Avery(Brooke) & Eliana Meredith(Ellie)
    Ellie and Brooke both have Juvenile Diabetes
    Adopted a Brother and Sister in January of 2012
    Levi Ryan-October 25th 2007 and Caroline Paige(Carly)-July 23rd 2009
    Jonah Samuel born April 21st 2013
    Expecting Baby #6-June 2014!
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