My entire pregnancy I thought that once the baby was born it would bring DH and I closer together. I never thought it would do just the opposite. Our marriage is definitely strong and we aren't going to be splitting up but it just doesn't seem as easy as it used to be. Lately all I feel is like a mother... not a wife. It's definitely difficult to try and balance both being a mother and a wife. How has your marriage/relationship been affected?
BFP 10/1/2010 MMC D&C at 11w4d
BFP 3/15/2011 M/C at 6w
BFP 5/25/2011 DS1 born 1:11pm on 1/16/2012
BFP 10/18/2013 EDD 6/28/2014 GROW BABY GROW!!!!
Re: How has your relationship been affected?
We're strengthened in most ways except the physical. We still have yet to DTD (it's painful each time we try) and I think that's hard for DH to handle... even if he is taking it like a champ!
But like you, I always feel like a mother first and wife a distant second. DH has been great about suggesting I get out and do things, but since I BF it's not always easy, and it's a vicious cycle of mother first
We have DTD a few times but it hurts insanely bad. We didn't do it at all when I was pregnant and I feel bad for DH.
DH is totally understanding about everything too. I just feel like we are growing apart. I work 11 hour days and so when I am home, all my attention is on DS and as soon as DS goes to bed, I go to bed. It's definitely a challenge trying to balance everything. I think I hear a date night calling!
BFP 10/1/2010 MMC D&C at 11w4d
BFP 3/15/2011 M/C at 6w
BFP 5/25/2011 DS1 born 1:11pm on 1/16/2012
BFP 10/18/2013 EDD 6/28/2014 GROW BABY GROW!!!!
That will definitely help. I didn't think it could do as much as it did, but it really helps bring us back together.
We've had ups and downs, but overall our relationship is pretty strong. I knew having a baby would be an added stress for us, but it was something that we decided together that we wanted. We just try not to take life too seriously and work out problems together the best way we can. We try to focus on all the positives, like making our son smile together, or just being silly with each other (last night we played "street fighter", I held our son and he and daddy did their special moves on each other, K loved it!)
I think that having a newborn is super stressful on a relationship, especially for first time parents. Just try to keep communication open and work together as a team, and things will get better!
BFP 10/1/2010 MMC D&C at 11w4d
BFP 3/15/2011 M/C at 6w
BFP 5/25/2011 DS1 born 1:11pm on 1/16/2012
BFP 10/18/2013 EDD 6/28/2014 GROW BABY GROW!!!!
BFP 10/1/2010 MMC D&C at 11w4d
BFP 3/15/2011 M/C at 6w
BFP 5/25/2011 DS1 born 1:11pm on 1/16/2012
BFP 10/18/2013 EDD 6/28/2014 GROW BABY GROW!!!!
"Happiness is like a butterfly; the more you chase it the more it will elude you but if u turn your attention to other things it will come & sit softly on your shoulder."
BFP! 04/26/11 - DS born 12/28/11 - BFP #2! 04/02/13 - DD born 12/11/13 -
My Ovulation Chart
This is exactly what I was going to say. We've started putting DD down a little earlier at night and it's allowed for us to reconnect. Sometimes it's just watching TV together, other times it's looking for a new house. And I definitely recommend a date night. They work wonders
I feel this way. I think I'm a great mom, and my husband is a great dad, but we're not so great at being great spouses and parents at the same time yet. We've talked about it, agree, and are trying to work on it. We've agreed to "no computer Saturdays" and are just making a concrete effort to be in us mode, not just mom and dad mode. I think a lot of it also has to do with the fact that we both suffer a bit from winter depression, and then we threw a baby on top of that smack in the winter. It's just more of a balancing act now, whereas it all came naturally before the baby.