How would you deal with this? — The Bump

How would you deal with this?

I'll try to be brief.

DS just turned 4. He's not an easy LO, is easily frustrated, very dependent, lacks a lot in self-sufficiency, and has a speech delay (before starting pre-school it was labeled as 'severe'. I feel his expressive speech has greatly improved, but I'm unsure of how much his receptive speech has improved).

For almost the past year he's been waking through the night, at least once or twice. Sometimes it's to go to the bathroom, sometimes he tries to get in bed with us, other times we don't know why he's up. Most times he gets up though, he's very loud, often whining or crying for help, to be tucked in, help with the light (which he CAN reach), etc. DH is great and gets up with him, and quickly gets him back to bed. We try not to indulge these night time visits, but if we encourage him to do something himself or put himself back to bed, he freaks out and gets louder. 

Now we're a month or so away from having LO #3, who will sleep in our room for the first while, and I'm starting to panic about having DSs disturbances to deal with on top of being up with LO multiple times a night! I will be one unhappy mama if mama and LO are awoken by DS after just getting back to sleep, for example. Our plan so far is to get a nightlight for the hall, a nightlight for the bathroom, and keep our door shut (we currently have it open most nights). That way if we hear DS in the hall, we'll (ie. DH) have a moment to hop out of bed before he comes making noise into our room, and direct him back to bed. We've also been talking to him about how he has to be quiet when he gets out of bed and that when the baby's sleeping in there he cant make so much noise, etc. But I would of course ultimately love to either get DS sleeping through the night again, or make him nighttime wakings more self-sufficient. 

How would you deal with this situation? How would you deal with DS?

And, for bonus points, who would you put together to share a room once LO moves out of our room: DS, who still wakes once or twice and makes a lot of noise; DD, who sleeps quietly and peacefully through the night; and LO, who obviously wont have a very established sleep routine/sleep through the night for a long while yet.


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Re: How would you deal with this?

  • rsd12rsd12 member
    Ugh, sorry! I feel your pain. When our 3rd son was born, the middle one (then 21 months old) was still not sleeping very well. He oftened joined us in bed. Honestly he never woke up his older brother (3) and he shared a room with him, or the baby that coslept with us. My boys still sleep through each others screaming fits. We had the two older ones share a room and baby had his own room till this past January. Then we moved oldest into his own room and two younger boys together (which was a nightmare for the first month ; ) everyone is doing really well right now! Ha, no doubt that will all change when we move ina month from now!
    Boy 1 2/06 - Boy 2 12/07 - Boy 3 9/09
  • We have one that went thru something similar with random night wakenings.

    Honestly I think that knowing the personality of my child he really just doesn't like being alone so add to that being alone in a quiet dark room/house and he's going to figure out some way to get some company.

    We were sympathetic and tried to comfort him since it's more a personality thing for him until he started going into his brother's room and waking him up and that's when the big guns came out. 

    What finally worked for us was telling him that he can get up to go potty but unless he's sick or going potty he HAS to be in his room.  We told him that he could do what ever he wants in there as long as he's quiet.  He can turn on the light, look at books and we set up a special basket of "quiet" toys that we approved for playing with in the middle of the night. 

    We explained very logically how important sleep is and how it impacts the body.  It impacts his ability to learn and his ability to grow (he's very motivated to be "big" so this hit home for him).  We explained that if he wakes up and can't go back to sleep there are plenty of other things that he can do but it's not fair for him to be negatively impacting other people's sleep in the house because we all need our rest in order to have our brains and bodies work right too.

    The first few nights I found his bed room light on in the morning where he had obviously gotten up in the middle of the night and played around but he didn't wake anyone else and that was a HUGE step for us.  He was GRUMPY so I knew he'd really managed to loose some sleep - probably much more than if we'd gotten up and soothed him back down.  Then I started telling him he had to take naps again because he was obviously sleep deprived and showing resulting behavior issues.  I kept the naps short so as not to create a circular problem where it was encouraging night waking but he understood that time spent playing at night was time he would likely have to make up with a nap during the day.

    I think after about a week or so he finally saw the value of rolling back over and at least attempting to go back to sleep when he woke in the middle of the night.

    He still has his occasional night wakening issues and I can see that they're usually correlated to emotional issues from the day before.  He woke in the middle of the night last night after having had a particularly bad day with a play date kid being REALLY mean to him and hurting his feelings pretty bad.  I comforted last night because I think I know the "why" behind it and he needed some TLC.  If he does it again tonight I'll comfort again and then we'll go back to the "you need to respect other people's sleep" approach where he's not allowed out of his room. 


    Our IF journey: 1 m/c, 1 IVF with only 3 eggs retrieved yielding Dylan and a lost twin, 1 shocker unmedicated BFP resulting in Jace, 3 more unmedicated pregnancies ending in more losses.
    Total score: 6 pregnancies, 5 losses, 2 amazing blessings that I'm thankful for every single day.
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