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TTC After a Loss
Officially TTA for a while (DD mentioned)
**DD mentioned**
Hello my lovely ladies. This may come as a shock to some, maybe not to others who might remember some of my posts from a few months ago.
DH and I are considering a separation right now. Things just haven't been good for a while, which is partially due to some of the old problems, and I also think it's partially because of the strain on us from TTCAL. I think for a long time we'd been burying our problems in things to keep us busy like TFAS and looking to buy a house. I had some sort of epiphany over the weekend, and decided that I don't want DD to grow up feeling like she is the reason her parents stayed together, and were unhappy just because of her. This is how I grew up. I frequently cried myself to sleep wishing my parents would just get divorced. I wanted them to be happy, even if that meant not being together.
I don't know what will happen with DH and I right now. Like I said, things are kind of rocky and have been for a while. The major lack of support I've had through our entire relationship is really becoming more draining on me as we continue down this TTCAL journey. DH has never been a "team-player" in this relationship since he found out I was pregnant with DD, and has been mostly absent in our lives, physically and emotionally. I feel like I need to take a stand for myself and for DD.
T&P would be appreciated. The number one biggest struggle right now is finances, because how do we afford separate living arrangements? DD and I may move in with my parents, which I don't want to do..but alas, I feel like my options are very limited right now.
I'll still be around, if that's ok..even though we aren't TTC. But I feel like you ladies are a huge support system and I can't be without you guys too.
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Re: Officially TTA for a while (DD mentioned)
BFP #2 8/22/12 | EDD 5/5/13 | DS1 born 5/9/13
BFP #3 4/25/15 | EDD 1/7/16 | MMC 7/2/15 @ 13w1d | D&E 7/8/15
BFP #4 12/9/15 | EDD 8/22/16 | DS2 born 5/18/16 at 26w2d
Just keep swimming.
BFP #1 12/29/10 EDD 08/29/11 Blighted Ovum 02/09/11 D&C 02/11/11
Clomid 50mg BFP #2 09/21/11 EDD 05/29/11 Chemical Pregnancy 10/4/11
BFP #3 4/19/13 Beta1- 106 Beta2- 524 Beta3- 3500 EDD 12/22/13 LO born 12/31/13
I'm so sorry to hear this. I'm glad you are doing what is best for you and DD. And I hope no matter the outcome that you are happy. I'll definitely keep you in my T&P. (((hugs)))
FWIW, DH and I go to weekly counseling and have for a really long time. Most of our issues stem from our losses and our separate ways of dealing with them but I cannot express how much good a good therapist has done for us. We've tried two...the first one we really thought we liked but she "discharged" us and then we fell right back into our old ways realizing nothing had been accomplished. We were literally on the verge of divorce. We then found an amazing male therapist who understands my losses better than any woman I've ever met!
[spoiler] My Blog: Grow Baby Grow
BFP #1: 12/2009 m/c 1/2010 BFP #2: 6/2010 m/c 8/2010
BFP #3: 10/2011 ectopic 11/2011 (right tube removed, learned left tube was probably nonfunctional due to scar tissue from infection after m/c)
3 failed IUIs, IVF #1: 18R, 12M, 10F, 3 poor quality 5d embryos transferred= BFP #4!!!!!
Betas: 9dp5dt: 64 ~14dp5dt: 91 (expecting miscarriage, doubling time of 236 hours) ~16dp5dt: 200~18dp5dt: 500
First Ultrasound at 6w2d revealed two sacs, only one with a heartbeat
LK arrived after 42 weeks on August 14, 2013! Beautiful, healthy, and happy!
TTC#2: IVF booked for April 2015
Surprise BFP#5 February 19, 2015 EDD: November 2, 2015
Betas: 10dpo: 10, 14dpo: 77, 17dpo: 270
First Ultrasound at 5w1d showed a miracle UTE baby! And right ovary ovulation to left fallopian tube.
JD arrived at 38 weeks on October 20, 2015.
TTC #3: Since October 2017. BFP #6 July 2, 2018 EDD: March 16, 2019 [/spoiler]
all of this. T's & P's coming your way! (((((hugs))))
Diagnosed w/ endometriosis 12/2010 Laproscopic surgery & 6 months of Lupron
BFP 12/17/2011,EDD 8/23/12,ectopic discovered 12/29/11 at 6 weeks recieved methotrexate
Dec '12 HSG & ultrasound showed abnormalities & more endo. Laproscopic surgery in January '13 showed significant damage & scar tissue from Endo. IVF is our best shot to concieve our rainbow.
June '13 Decided to go the adoption route!
***PGAL/PAL WELCOME***
TTC since April 2010
BFP #1 – March 2011, missed m/c April 2011
BFP #2 – October 2011, m/c November 2011
Surprise BFP #3 – December 2011, diagnosed as cornual, terminated January 2012
BFP #4 – June 2012, m/c July 2012
Diagnosed with bicornuate ute and MTHR gene mutation
BFP #5 – October 2012, missed m/c November 2012
BFP #6 – January 2013, m/c March 2013
No longer TTC. Diagnosis: Hostile ute. Heartbroken and bitter. Pursuing surrogacy.
June 2013 - Carrier found! Could this really happen?!
~All AL always welcome~
You know I am always in your corner!
And...
Thank you ladies. I'm touched by the kind words and support. It's nerve wracking enough to be going through this, let alone admitting it to others. It's sort of embarrassing, and heart-breaking, and just frustrating all at once.
edit: typo
It is heartbreakings, but there is no need to EVER be embarrassed for taking care of your family, no matter what those choices are, as long as they are the best for your family!
My Blog: One Emerald
BFP#1: 9-13-11 EDD: 5-26-12 MMC: 11-4-11 D&C: 11-8-11
BFP#2: 7-6-12 Elizabeth Faye ("Zuzu") born 3-21-13
Married 07/17/2010
Diagnosed with PCOS 10/20/2010
TTC since Oct 2010
BFP #1 March 31st 2011 Due December 10 2011
Missed m/c discovered June 2nd 2011 at 12w4d
D&C scheduled June 7th 2011 at 13w2d
Found out our baby boy had Triploidy XXY through embryopathology
BFP #2 September 28th 2011 Due June 8th 2012
Missed m/c discovered November 20th 2011 at 11w2d
D&C November 29th 2011 at 12w4d
Found out our baby girl had Monosomy X through embryopathology
BFP #3 April 24th 2012 Due January 5th 2013
Betas falling on 04/26/12 Chemical Pregnancy
RPL testing done, multi nodular goiters on thyroid discovered.
BFP #4 November 22nd 2012, Due August 5th 2013
Betas: 17 @ 9dpo, 62 @ 11dpo, 124 @ 12dpo, 321 @ 14dpo 720 @ 16dpo 13,805 @ 23 dpo
First ultrasound at 6w3d, hb 122 bpm.
Second ultrasound at 7w3d hb 143 bpm
Third ultrasound at 10w1d hb 167-170 bpm
Forth ultrasound 12w1d hb 167 bpm
Graduated rpl program, moving on to regular ob!
It's a boy!
Little man was born August 1st 2013, 7lbs 8oz and 20.5 inches long
BFP #2: 1.30.12 - missed m/c found on 2.27.12 - D&C 3.1.12 @8w
This! I'll be thinking of you. I hope everything works out whatever way it's supposed to. Lots of T&P's
Amen to this. I'm glad to see that you're making a difficult, yet probably needed decision. I wish y'all the best, and am glad to see you're putting yourself and your daughter first!
We lost our first (EDD 07/23/12) after finding out at 12 weeks there was no longer a heartbeat. Our rainbow was born 05/22/13 and was worth all we went through.
“So can you understand? Why I want a daughter while I’m still young? I wanna hold her hand and show her some beauty before all this damage is done. But if it’s too much to ask, it’s too much to ask … Then send me a son.” – Arcade Fire
D&C: 03/08/12 Waited for AF for 146 long days!
Hysteroscopy/D&C on July 10th to fix blocked cervix (DX: Cervical Stenosis)
BFP #2 12/8/12, EDD 08/21/13 Our rainbow arrived 08/24/13!
TTC since 11/2009; Lap/HSG/Hysteroscopy: 5/2011 (endometriosis - removed; endocervical polyp - removed; high pressure in bilateral tubes - cleared)
BFP #1: 8/4/11; DS1 born sleeping on 11/16/11 at 19w1d
BFP # 2: 5/7/12, EDD 1/10/13, DS2 born 1/4/13
BFP # 3: 11/8/13, EDD 7/17/14, mmc 10wks
BFP # 4: 5/16/14, EDD 1/15/15, praying for our 2nd rainbow baby
BFP #1: 12/5/11, M/C 12/19/11
BFP #2: 5/22/12 Due 2/1/13 Baby girl born 2/2/13
1/12/13 DD was born
4/9/16 DS was born
9/17 CP
6/23/18 BFP EDD 3/4/19
PAL/PGAL Welcome
BFP #2 - 10-11-2012 Beta 38, 10-15-2012 Beta 518!.
BFP #2 12/26/11 ~ EDD 9/6/12 ~ MMC discovered on 1/27/12 @ 8w1d (measured 6w2d)
BFP #3 8/10/12 ~ EDD 4/23/13 ~ MMC discovered on 9/13/12 @ 8w2d (measured 6w6d)
"there is no foot so small that it cannot leave an imprint on this world"
BFP #2 2.27.13 EDD 11.8.13 Grow, baby, grow!
My Ovulation Chart
~ all ALers welcome ~
I totally agree. Lots of love coming your way.
PGAL/PAL welcome
BFP #2 9.12.12, EDD 5.24.13, Baby Boy Born 5.15.13!!
My Ovulation Chart
3 Clomid (100mg) cycles + TI + Trigger = BFN's, Femara + Trigger + IUI#1 = BFN
Femara + Trigger + IUI#2 = BFP!
"Strength does not come from physical capacity. It comes from an indomitable will." ~Gandhi