I'm in Sleep HELL

kristinmme · April 2012

DD has never been a fab sleeper. She did sleep through the night (11pm-7am) from about 2 months - 4 months, but she was a crappy napper then. Since then, I dread night time.

The truth is though, I know I am making it worse. I feel like I am trying something different each week just to get her to sleep. I know it's confusing for her, but in the middle of the night when I'm half awake and frustrated, it's hard not to just nurse her and bring her into bed with us.

She was waking up every 45 minutes like clockwork. Never doing a stretch longer than 2 hours (and that was on a good day!) We tried the Sleep Lady, but didn't really progress through it. I sat by her the entire time - never moved away from the crib while she was falling asleep. It was taking forever for her to get to sleep, and then she'd be up 2 hours later.

Then we got to a point where we could rock her and put her down and she'd stay down for 2 hours. I was actually happy with that (which sounds ridiculous that I was happy with a 2 hour stretch) but it gave me time with my husband.

But now we're back to the waking up every 45 minutes. The last two nights she woke up 45 minutes after getting her down and wouldn't go back to sleep until midnight!

I'm dreading sleep training. Her crying makes me super anxious and it escalates. I've had to leave the room a few times to compose myself and she doesn't settle down.

I know these are common words of advise so let me add that we do have a solid bedtime routine and she's not overtired.

If you got through that, thanks for listening.

katie4253 · April 2012

We put off sleep training for 11 months. Granted, he wasn't anywhere near ready for a long time.

I'm not going to lie, I wanted to run out of the house screaming. It was not fun. But, it is worth it. I'm a Ferber believer.

katie4253 · April 2012

I set the time on my iPhone alarm so I knew when to go in and put a pillow over my head to muffle the sound. I may sound heartless, but we hadn't slept more than 4hrs in 11 months.

kristinmme · April 2012

Well I feel like I've already listened to her cry a lot doing the Sleep Lady. How long did he cry for and how many nights did it take?

katie4253 · April 2012

kristinmme:
Well I feel like I've already listened to her cry a lot doing the Sleep Lady. How long did he cry for and how many nights did it take?

We did Ferber, so you leave the room and do progressive check-ins. I feel very good about the results we've seen in just a week. We have been VERY strict with it though. Setting our phone timers and not going in until then.

WhenOctoberFalls has also seen good results with Ferber. She has a SSTNer now. My guy is still waking up once.

The first night he cried for 50 mins in the middle of the night. About 30 mins for the 2nd night. I don't know if you will have fast results, but Ferber says you see drastic results in less than a week. It was the case for us.

FrankieandTyler · April 2012

just wanted to say i feel your pain! my little man thinks sleeping is overrated. he's been waking up every two hours now for weeks and lately he'll wake up somewhere between 1 and 3am and stay awake for two hours. i know what you mean about confusing them because you're always trying something. and i fully understand doing what works if only to get an hour of sleep. i actually stopped talking to people IRL about our sleep situation. it was really annoying me to get advice from well rested people, you know?

we did ferber for the beginning of the night. i still nurse him to sleep but at least he doesn't hit the mattress and begin to scream bloody murder now! i've tried a lot for the wakings but have kinda put off more sleep training for the last few weeks because he's been teething like crazy. three teeth in three weeks!

i'm obviously in no position to give advice, just wanted to say you're not alone. we'll get there mama. there will be a day (hopefully soon) where we'll both rest our heads on our own pillows at night and know we have alllll night to sleep!! won't that be something!?

good luck!

jlsimon56 · April 2012

We used TSL at first. I like her, don't get me wrong. But where she lacks with the definitive hard-and-fast RULES, Ferber picks up and runs with it. I read the Ferber book just out of curiosity. We have not Ferberized. My LO was waking 2-5 times per night, which is nothing compared to some babies on here. We decided that we needed to decide what we were going to do, and do it, and not feel guilty.

So now, I nurse LO to sleep. If she doesn't fall asleep within 45 minutes, I hand her off to DH and he rocks her to sleep. We keep her room nice and warm, and we layer her clothes to keep her toasty. (We learned she wakes up when she gets too cold - we even swapped her nursery with the guest room b/c it was smaller and warmer.)

We do a consistent bedtime routine. We play a CD (Diana Krall) and I swear, she rubs her eyes when the opening notes play.

LO sleeps better at night if her naps are better. She does not nap well at daycare. Now, I get her from daycare and bring her home and nurse her in our bed, then we both nap. Today was almost 2 hours. (Mama was tired, haha.) Her nighttime sleep turned awesome once I started doing this. We were going to Ferberize her, but didn't b/c of this.

So. The Sleep Lady is good - I like knowing how much sleep LO should be getting based on her age, and how much awake time is good. But I get annoyed when her advice for bad daycare napping is to get a nanny. That is why I read the Ferber book.

If you are ok with bringing your LO into your bed, then it's ok. It's only a problem when it's a problem. If everyone can sleep better in one bed, so be it.

Oh, I do like TSL in regards to keeping the bedroom and crib for sleeping. We do Quiet Time in her room before bed so it's a calming, enjoyable space - vs. hanging out in the living room until bedtime and then being like, ok off you go!

Anyway, I'm rambling here. But I agree, read the Ferber book.

AmandaP678 · April 2012

I feel your pain. My boys hate sleeping, Tim was doing pretty good when he could play outside, but we've gotten slammed with rain so that ended that streak. He also didn't respond to CIO/Ferber AT ALL it was a nightmare. Ferber also isn't working with Nick.

I started reading the No Cry Solution but I havent implemented it so I can't say for sure how that works even though Im skeptical of that one too.

AsOctoberFalls · April 2012

katie4253:
WhenOctoberFalls has also seen good results with Ferber. She has a SSTNer now.

Yup! I really couldn't believe it. DS wasn't as bad as some of the babies out there, but he was waking 3 or 4 times a night and needed to be rocked back to sleep every time. The rocking process took quite a while. It got to the point where we'd rock him to sleep, and even if we rocked him for 30 minutes, he'd wake up and scream when we put him down. We couldn't do that, so we decided to sleep train when he was 8.5 months old.

The first night, bedtime wasn't too bad. I think he cried for about 40 minutes (with checks). The middle of the night WAS bad... it was like 1.5 hours or something like that for one of the wakeups (and there were multiple wakeups). The second night, he cried for a few minutes at bedtime but STTN. No joke, he has STTN every night ever since.

Sometimes I watch him on the video monitor. He wakes up, plays with his paci, rolls around a bit, and goes back to sleep. He doesn't cry.

The one bad part is that he still cries (sometimes for a long time!) at bedtime. Sunday night it took him 1.5 hours to fall asleep, and that was torturous. He didn't actually cry too much - just off and on - but I HATE knowing that he isn't falling asleep since he gets so little sleep during the day.

If you choose to Ferberize, give it a week. DON'T decide that you can't take the crying and go pick him up. My rule is that I will check on DS, but I won't pick him up, since that was our big issue. The amount of time it takes for me to check him depends on how/what he's doing. I watch on the video monitor.

Good luck! I hope it works for you.

jmo866 · April 2012

We did Ferber too, the longest he cried was 30 minutes. Like katie said I am a 'Ferber believer' as well. Does he still cry on occasion, yes. Does he still wake a couple times a week, yes. However, all that being said, I have had to go into his room at night, maybe once or twice in the past few months, because he knows how to get himself back to sleep without me, within a minute or two, which is a HUGE improvement from where we were. I often self doubt when I hear of friends who never even hear their LO's for 12 hours straight at night, when DS still wakes time to time, or gives out a little cry. But then I remind myself (with DH's prompting) that he's a baby, he's not a robot, and everyone wakes at night, we just don't cry out. It sounds like what your LO is doing is based on habit, rather than need. Please don't beat yourself or blame yourself for making it worse, we are all learning as we go here-- you are doing the best that you can! I'd say pick up the Ferber book, if you did the Shuffle, you are right, you did listen to a lot of crying already, and truthfully, the Shuffle can take weeks, where Ferber tends to have results in a few days. If you are a Sleep Lady reader you know that she references Ferber in her book and will even say that teaching your baby to sleep usually results in some tears. I know people who disagree with Ferber may think that 30 minutes of crying makes me a terrible mom, but I have taught my baby how to sleep and fall asleep on his own. I agree completely with AsOctoberFalls' advice, but make sure you are 100% committed before you start, it is tough, but it is well worth it in the end! Good luck, I know how hard it is!

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