Have you taken your LO to a funeral?

MrsSparklesMcGee · April 2012

My grandfather just passed away and his services will be later this week. I know it would mean a lot to my grandmother for E to be there, but I'm worried about containing her/keeping her quiet. Anyone have any experience with this?

If we take her (and if necessary), I'm planning to sit way in the back near a door so I can make a quick escape.

MrsPBNJ0220 · April 2012

I have not taken DS, and personally I wouldn't. I have issues with death and find it difficult for me to go period yet alone handle DS while I am there. With that being said my friend just recently took her son who is my son's age and he did great. She did what you said and was close to an exit, and only had to use it once.

I'm sorry about your grandfather.

MrsI · April 2012

DD has been to two. The first she was not mobile so holding her during the service wasn't really a problem. Now she would want down to walk. The second she was just learning to walk but we only stayed for the visitation.

If a close family member passed away I would bring DD with no matter what. I would also sit in the back as you stated you planned to do.

cvl105 · April 2012

Yup, my stepfather passed away in November. She came with me and honestly, I am so happy I did. She made everyone smile on what was a very sad day. She even provided a little comic relief during the service in the church by "talking" when everyone was silent/praying.

I would bring her. Everyone will be happy to have her there...especially your grandmother I would imagine.

Babies aren't expected to be quiet and no one will be upset if she babbles during the service.

Jills83 · April 2012

I'm sorry about your grandfather.

Sadly, my DS has been to 2 funerals and quite a few funeral homes for calling hours. At a funeral for my close friend's grandfather, the family was happy to have him there because they all said he cheered them up. I would do like you said and sit near the back just in case.

MrsSparklesMcGee · April 2012

Thanks for all the feedback, ladies. I bet you're all right that she could provide a little comic relief on an otherwise sad day.

Now for my ridiculous question - those of you that have taken your kids to a funeral, what did they wear? E doesn't have any black clothes...

cvl105 · April 2012

She wore something we had. We didn't buy anything special. She wore a navy dress that had a flower on it and pink tights and a long sleeved white onesie underneath. So nothing black or funeralish (yup, made that up).

Forgot to mention in my previous post that I'm sorry for your loss.

MrsI · April 2012

We also put DD in what we had. The first one was a white dress with flowers all over it and the second was a tan sweater dress.

Also I am sorry for your loss.

MommaA117 · April 2012

I havent but only would if it were close family. God forbid.

justme04 · April 2012

DS1 has been to 2 funerals so far. One when he was aout 6 months old...a great aunt on my mothers side and he behaved really well. The second was for my paternal grandfather who passed away a year ago, he did alright as long as we gave him breaks, I was pregnant with DS2 during my grandfather's funeral but I doubt that counts. Now at my grandfather's funeral I sat up with the family but DS1 was in the back of the room with my mother's sister who came to monitor his needs for me so I could sit through the service. DH would have done the job but was detained with work and couldn't get off to be there.

Take toys, pleanty of snakes and drink and if she looks like she is going to start fussing excuse yourself from the room and giver her a few minutes to calm down.

Telly21182 · April 2012

Mrs.SparklesMcGee:
Thanks for all the feedback, ladies. I bet you're all right that she could provide a little comic relief on an otherwise sad day.
Now for my ridiculous question - those of you that have taken your kids to a funeral, what did they wear? E doesn't have any black clothes...

I'm sorry to hear about your grandfather. My grandfather passed away last August and we took Ty. Everyone appreciated the smiles they put on their faces. He was still really little at the time so he wasn't doing much, but he did start crying and fussing during the ceremony. My MIL came to the funeral and sat behind DH and I, so she took Ty out in to the lobby.

As for what to wear - I wasn't going to buy him anything for the funeral, plus I didn't have time since I was helping with arrangements, so I just found the most "appropriate" outfits he had. To the wake he wore an overalls set we had that was cream with shades of brown and yellow. Not funeral colors, but everyone understands. To the funeral itself he wore a navy polo and plaid shorts. My main concern was making sure he wasn't in something that said "mommy's little monkey" or something like that as I felt that'd be inappropriate.

Since kids don't have a section of their closet devoted to "weddings, funerals, interviews, etc." type clothing that they only wear for specific occasions, it's perfectly acceptable to dress them in something generically nice.

mesr · April 2012

We took dd1 to a funeral when she was 20 months old. She wore a green dress. I nursed her during the service until she got fussy. Then dh took her out to wander through the cemetery to keep her occupied.

amberpro · April 2012

I'm so sorry for your loss.

We took see to DH's uncle's funeral about a month ago. I sat in the back and was able to step out when he got antsy. Everyone enjoyed seeing and holding him and would have been upset if he didn't go. I say take her.

AshleyPT · April 2012

Mrs.SparklesMcGee:
My grandfather just passed away and his services will be later this week. I know it would mean a lot to my grandmother for E to be there, but I'm worried about containing her/keeping her quiet. Anyone have any experience with this?
If we take her (and if necessary), I'm planning to sit way in the back near a door so I can make a quick escape.

Yes,

My grandfather died about a month ago. I just wrote about this. I was initially worried about keeping her quiet, but she made everyone so happy that no one minded the noises she made.

We could not sit any place to make a fast get away. My husband was a pall bearer, and I gave the eulogy, so she sat in the front row the whole time.

We let her hold a quiet toy during the funeral, but she kept throwing it and dropping it. It kept her quiet, so we were ok with that. She was pretty noisy during the burial because she loves to be outside, so I kept a little more distance. That was actually a little more awkward because my grandfather had a military burial so it was very serious and quiet for about 15 minutes. But, I was close to my grandfather so I didn't want to separate myself.

It made my nana so happy to have her there. She said it was the only ray of light on that day.

I'm sorry for your loss.

DreamChaser246 · April 2012

We have, but DS was only a few months old at the time, so things were different. We just stayed in the back close to the exit. It was hard, but I'm glad that I did it.

AshleyPT · April 2012

I had the same question about what to wear at the time too. Zoe wore 2 outfits because we were at the church from 11:30am until 7pm and she ate lunch in one

and then I changed her into a pale yellow dress for the service.

MrsSparklesMcGee · April 2012

Thank you for all of the condolences and for sharing your experiences. We knew this was coming for a while, so, in some ways, we can be happy because we know that he's not suffering any more.

MrsSparklesMcGee · April 2012

AshleyPT:
Mrs.SparklesMcGee:
My grandfather just passed away and his services will be later this week. I know it would mean a lot to my grandmother for E to be there, but I'm worried about containing her/keeping her quiet. Anyone have any experience with this?
If we take her (and if necessary), I'm planning to sit way in the back near a door so I can make a quick escape.

Yes,
My grandfather died about a month ago. I just wrote about this. I was initially worried about keeping her quiet, but she made everyone so happy that no one minded the noises she made.
We could not sit any place to make a fast get away. My husband was a pall bearer, and I gave the eulogy, so she sat in the front row the whole time.
We let her hold a quiet toy during the funeral, but she kept throwing it and dropping it. It kept her quiet, so we were ok with that. She was pretty noisy during the burial because she loves to be outside, so I kept a little more distance. That was actually a little more awkward because my grandfather had a military burial so it was very serious and quiet for about 15 minutes. But, I was close to my grandfather so I didn't want to separate myself.
It made my nana so happy to have her there. She said it was the only ray of light on that day.
I'm sorry for your loss.

Your blog post is beautiful. Thank you for sharing. I'm sorry for your loss.

mrs mosby · April 2012

So sorry for your loss.

My grandpa passed away back in October. We brought DD. At the funeral home the priest gathered everyone together for a prayer and said "Every funeral should have a baby. And if you don't have one, rent one. " Then he went on About birth and death etc. and how babies make people smile in even the saddest of situations. I thought it was really nice and meant a lot to my grandma.

Rachel5782 · April 2012

I'm sorry for your loss.

DS has been to two funerals... one was my grandfather's when LO was only about 2 months. The other one was a couple months ago. I held him for the latest one and had him in the infant seat for my grandfather's. I just made sure I was ready to dash if he got cranky. But he was an angel for both... thank goodness!

Magenta728 · April 2012

I'm so sorry for your loss.

When DD was 3 months old, we had a death in the family. I brought her to the wake, and the funeral. Like cvl said, it was great bc she made everyone smile. I just dressed her in what I had at home (a leopard print dress, and something else I don't remember)

klv · April 2012

Sorry to hear about your grandfather. My grandmother passed away in Sept. we took Hannah to the wake, but left her with a sitter for the funeral. DH was a pallbearer, otherwise I would of had him sit in the back of the church with her if we needed to take her with us.

maddiemoon43 · April 2012

I took DS in Feb to my grandmother's. I am do sorry for your loss. Like PP said, the minister also told everyone every funeral should have a baby. Everyone had smiles for him, all the church ladies talked about how much she loved meeting him in the fall, etc. There was definitely some levity when he babbled through prayers and speakers. My mom held him when I spoke, and then my uncle who was beside me held him much of the rest of the time. I think it helped my uncle a lot to have someone to hold tightly. Once or twice when he got fidgety I snuck out to the side (still in front row, but by the wall) and just held him and swayed. DS wore brown checked dress pants from a wedding, and a collared shirt with a beige sweater. ETA- I think having DS there with me helped my coping more than I would have expected. Good luck with whatever you choose.

JuneBug0611 · April 2012

I'm sorry for your loss. We lost my grandfather when DD was 6 months old. We took her to the funeral, and she made everyone so happy. Everyone thanked us for bringing her. She cried at one point during the funeral, and everyone thought it was fitting -- she was expressing all of our sadness!

We dressed her in a nice black-and-blue dress that we already had. We didn't buy anything just for the occasion.

Good luck.

StacyADampf · April 2012

my grandmother passed in december so my daughter was there for both the visiting hours and service and burial. my husband held her most of the time while my mother and i were greeting people. she was a very good girl

germanpickle · April 2012

my husband's grandmother passed and we took our little man. frankly, it was the best thing for everyone because he broke the tears later and gave us "permission" to laugh, tell stories, etc.

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