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Toddlers: 12 - 24 Months
Opinion poll on husband joining "the v club"
Back story: before DH and I had Aiden we agreed that if our 1st was a girl, we would try for one more after 3-5 years and if we had a boy, we were one and done. As DH is five years older than me, he was concerned that if we made our decision permanent too soon, I might regret it and we initially agreed to wait until Aiden started kindergarten for DH to get a vasectomy.
Fast forward to now: DH and I are both quite certain we don't want any more children. I want him to go ahead and get the vasectomy now so I can go off birth control. He wants to stick to the original plan and wait 3 more years. It's not the vasectomy he objects to, he just wants to wait just in case I change my mind.
So! (sorry for the long build up) if you were in this situation, would you A. Suck it up, stay on birth control, and wait until your LO is five and stick to the plan, or B. try to persuade DH that you really are certain you don't want more children and that you'd like him to get the vasectomy now so you can go off birth control?
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Re: Opinion poll on husband joining "the v club"
It sounds to me like he isn't certain that he doesn't want any more kids.
If it truly is that he thinks you might change your mind and you're sure that you won't, I'd gently try to persuade him. If he says that he won't for 3 more years, you can't make him, so then I guess you're stuck on BC for now.
Good luck!
I think I would stick to the original plan. It's a lot easier to stop taking birth control to conceive, rather than reversing your DH's vasectomy.
When we got pregnant with LO #2 (I have since miscarried), I told DH that I wanted one of us to "get fixed." We have always both agreed that we would like two children. However, I have also told DH that if I do not get pregnant before 35, we would be one and done. My decision was based on the risks that go up with a pregnancy after the age of 35 (I also had a rough pregnancy with DS, to where my doctor reccommended I try to conceive #2 before 35), not to mention there would be a significant age difference between DS and LO #2, and with the possible changes (getting a job that would require us to move frequently) with DH's job.
When I told my mom about our decision, she kept trying to talk me out of it, saying I may change my mind. I would love to have 3, 4, 5 children, but the bottom line is it's not possible or ideal. Money is the biggest factor in all of it.
Good luck!
So let me get this straight, if you had a sucky, second class baby girl you'd be all aboard the Baby #2 express, but since you got your special shiny son you're one and done.
Interesting.
If only one of you is certain, I'd stick to the plan. Definitely. Things could change, I never wanted kids, EVER. Then *poof* I changed. Practically overnight. I think it's wise to wait until all parties are 900% sure before doing something so permanent.
All of this.
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This.
I was curious about this part also?
What do you care what she wants? She didn't say she would leave it in a dumpster, she said they would consider another baby. Some people want a boy, some people want a girl- what bearing does it have on your life?
OP I would stick to the original plan, since like pps have said, it sounds like your husband may not be "done."
And this is better? How about they talk like an adult couple about future possible children? She sounds sure, she should talk to him. Sucking it up. Having a boy is the prize?
Me too. And a little sad, as a former baby girl, that for many a girl isn't enough in some way.
Glad I'm not the only one annoyed by this.
DD2 October 2010
DS September 2012
Yea, I'm side eyeing the op for this one as well.
ETA: After thinking about this for a few seconds I'd like to add if you don't think you can value a 2nd class girl as much as your shiny boy maybe he should get the snip.
This. If you don't want to run the risk of having a girl, please stop reproducing.
We've been debating what to do after this one is born. My doc said they prefer not to tie my tube because I'm not 30 yet. Hubs is a little older and they would do him.
That being said, we decided I'll stay on my IUD for another round (up to 5 years) then we'd get fixed. I was happy to stay on the IUD because I don't have a period...
GL!!!!
(I know being on BC sucks but a your LO is young, maybe you'll have an itch in a year... Maybe wait)
No shiit.
Snip it now, so you don't have to ruin the world with another second class citizen like yourself.
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Wow, ladies. Way to spin this one. So she obviously wanted a boy for sure versus a girl. Big flipping' deal. It's her family, her choice. She didn't say females are inferior. Jump off the flame wagon.
IMO I don't find this any different than someone who has 3 girls and continues to try for a boy, or has 4 boys and continues to try for a girl etc. You hear about that all. the. time. and I never see side-eye for it.
DD (5 years old) from IUI in 2012
TTC 3rd and final!: IUI #1 in progress!
Also perhaps it was her DH who really, really wanted a boy which is why they would have tried again, but she did not care what they had. My DH never made any secret of the fact that he wanted a boy. Hardly means he loves his daughter any less.
OP, this is a medical procedure for your husband, which is difficult to undo. If he is not ready- for whatever reason- then you need to back off.
I'm not touching that disappointing comment about having a girl or having a boy.
It makes me too stabby.
That said, I'll address your issue at hand: I would suggest splitting the difference and agreeing to reassess at that point. Your child's 18 mos - you agreed to do it at five. Buckle down until age 3 and then discuss it again. Drop the issue until then - perhaps he'll address you, perhaps you'll change your mind. Who knows.
My DH and I are in complete agreement that we don't want another child - and yet we haven't scheduled the ole snip yet - we'll probably wait for another few years. Just to be sure.
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Then you're missing it.
I side-eye the shizz out of that stuff. On behalf of my karate-takin, bug-collectin, soccer and baseball playin' girl. And on behalf of my rainbow-silk-cape-wearin', singin' and dancin', top-hat-totin' boy.
Effin' people. This convo makes me rage.
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Sounds to me like you have no option here, it is his body and he is saying he still wants to wait the 3 years. Maybe he isn't sure himself about this whole thing. Who knows. But it really sounds like he loves you enough to wait to do it, just to be sure you have no regrets. As the PP's said, I would wait. I think it's too soon to decide now. Your LO is still very young.
And you know what... I'm just not even going to comment on the trying for more if it was a girl and one and done if a boy. Yes, it does make me stabby because honestly it sounds hurtful/mean... but that's your life. Good luck in whatever you and your DH decide.
Yeah, I don't really see the big deal. H and I want 2 or 3 kids. If the yet-to-be-conceived #2 is a girl, we'll likely stop. If it's a boy, we'll likely try for #3. We want a girl. How is it any of your business?
OP, I'd wait. If you reverse the situation and he was pressuring you to get a procedure done, how would you feel?
I would have him store some frozen sperm and get the V and if you do change your mind its the IUI/IVF route for #2.
Word. I'd wager a large majority of us here have some gender preference for future babies even if ultimately we'd be happy with a healthy baby. I want a little girl at some point. If #2's another boy I'd probably be more easily convinced to go for #3. Doesn't mean I'd love my sons any less but a part of me would be sad I wouldn't have the experience of raising a daughter. DH would be happy with all boys, not because he doesn't like girls, but because he's afraid of raising a teenage girl. lol
Surprisingly I'm actually on the opposite side of so many posters I usually agree with. I don't see the big deal in wanting a boy. Both DH and I wanted a boy before we had DD. He is the last male in his family and really wanted to carry on the name and I didn't want to deal with teenage girl drama and attitude. But, once we had her we decided that we'd give up the name thing and be one and done. That changed, but it wasn't in the plan. And honestly, we both wanted another girl this time around.
The thoughts and ideas that we have in our heads for what we envision our families to look like before the kids are born are oftentimes very different from what they end up being. That's ok. It's how you treat the children once they're born that matters.
Be careful! It's a slippery slope..
IKR? Me too. I feel like I need a shower now.