Anyone else numb?

Re: Anyone else numb?

• VikingQueen member

  April 2012

  I know what you mean. I got that way for a while.. right now I wish I was that way truthfully. ((hugs)) I think your words describe it perfectly.. it's like your heart has let go of that hopeful feeling to keep you from getting hurt again.

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• Kpsbabyzoe

  April 2012

  To both you and VQ, here's some HUGE ((HUGS)).  C'mon world- can't we just have something work out right around here?!?
  

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• buckeyebaby814 member

  April 2012

  Detachment maybe?  I feel this same way.  

  I know my RE has some other things planned for future cycles but at this point, I kind of feel like what's the point of even continuing to try?  Some days I feel like maybe I should be spending my time and money on a therapist to accept the strong possibility of living child free rather than spending it on treatments when all I do is miscarry.

  Most days I'm not sad, but I'm definitely not happy.  I know I'm avoiding my feelings and thinking about my losses but at this point I don't know how else to cope. 

  
  

      

  
  

  CFNBC after 8 losses and IF || History || My Angel Babies
  
  

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• kate6267

  April 2012

  Numbness has really taken over lately. I'm kind of starting to feel like whats the point? 

  ((((HUGS)))) To you all its a really crappy as* feeling!
  

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• delino member

  April 2012

  I think detached is a good word for it. When I think of my losses, the possibility of this IVF not working, the idea that I may never have a child....I shutdown. I am going through the motions everyday, I'm surviving.

  3 ectopic pregnancies (EDD's 1/30/12-tube removed, 6/2/12-methotrexate and 10/2/12-methotrexate)

  IVF and Natural FET resulted in BFN's and a hole in our wallets

  Natural BFP #4 on 9/7/12 gave us our miracle on 5/18/13

  

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• jenn0021 member

  April 2012

  I don't think I'm quite to that point yet but I wanted to offer you all ((Hugs)). I wish that there was something more that I could do.

  
  

  Started TTC June 2010
  BFP #1 07/04/10. EDD 03/14/11. Missed m/c 08/09/10. D&C 09/27/10. }Casey & Jaimie{
  

  BFP #2 01/14/11. EDD 09/25/11. Missed m/c 02/18/11. D&C 02/24/11. }Dustin{
  TTA for 18 months and then TTC for 12 months
  

  BFP #3 08/18/13. EDD 04/30/14. Missed m/c 09/25/13. D&C 09/26/13. }Daylin{
  TTA for 7 months
  Jan-Mar 2014 - RPL, SHG, karotyping: all results normal
  TTC Again May 2014
  Progesterone & baby aspirin combo for 5 cycles - All BFN's
  SA with DNA fragmentation = Perfect results
  Diagnostic cycle monitoring = Polycystic ovaries leading to premature egg release
  TTA Oct 2014 - Jan 2015
  Jan 2015 - Medicated cycle with timed intercourse
  

     
  
  My Blog: The Canadian Housewife    PGAL/PAL Welcome    My Chart
  

  
  

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• ufsandra85 member

  April 2012

  i know what you mean and i feel the same way
  

  Married 11/27/09 and TTC right away
  Dx: Complete septate uterus with cervical duplication, endometrial polyps, PCOS, endometriosis, hypo thyroid, luteal phase defect
  4 uterus surgeries to correct my complete septum and to remove polyps and 2 years of seeing the RE, medicated cycles and IUIs
  Baby 1 and 2: BFP 3/3/11 with 2 babies EDD 11/1/11, M/C 4/6/11
  Baby #3: 8/11 pregnant EDD 4/27/11 and m/c:(
  Baby #4: 10/12/11 BFP! EDD 6/16/12m/c 10/26/11
  Baby #5: 3/13/12 BFP! EDD 11/25/12 ANOTHER m/c

  Baby #6: 2/14/13- BFP! EDD 10/24/13, CP 2/19/13
  Baby #7: 3/15/13- BFP! EDD 11/27/13, another CP
  Baby #8.  BFP 5/19/13 EDD 1/22/14. 8 was not our lucky number
  
  4th septum resection on 5/31/13.
  Baby #9: 6/29/13 BFP. C section scheduled for March 5th!

  My miracle baby was born March 5 at 9:33am. He was 8 lbs 12.5 oz and 21.25 inches long!
  

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• hungryhippo member

  April 2012

  jenek0213:

  delino:

  I think detached is a good word for it. When I think of my losses, the possibility of this IVF not working, the idea that I may never have a child....I shutdown. I am going through the motions everyday, I'm surviving.

  This^^^

  I feel totally detached. I feel like things are never going to just work out. I think about the possibility of never having a child to love and it terrifies me. Literally - full on panic attacks.  And I'm missing my Dad badly... I still pick up the phone to call and tell him something or ask him about the funny noise my car makes or share a funny story - and I just put the phone down.....

  So I feel detached and numbness... because that is easier then dealing with the pain and fear. If I don't detach, at least a little bit, then I will fall apart. So numbness is what keeps my life together somewhat....

  I HATE that we are here...that we are in this place. I am so angry at the world for such wonderful, amazing women being put HERE. I hate it!
  

  This completely. In January and February I spent part of most days on the floor ugly crying, completely unraveling. I think the only way to survive that was to make a 180 degree turn and feel almost nothing. I go back and forth but the numbness is more prevalent than other feelings. It is way, way easier to feel nothing than to be devastated all the time. There must be something more balanced but I can't seem to find it yet.

  I'm sorry for everyone feeling this way. 
  

  TTC #1 since January 2011
  BFP#1 April 12, 2011, EDD December 24, 2011, strong heart beat at 7w3d, d&c at 10w6d
  BFP#2 Oct 24, 2011, natural miscarriage, EDD unknown
  After RPL testing my losses and subsequent infertility are considered unexplained.
  Cycle #22: Femara, TI, and progesterone = BFP!! 
  BFP#3 Dec 21, 2012. Beta #1 @14dpo = 134, progesterone 67.8. Beta #2 @ 17dpo = 664! Team green, EDD 9/1/13, healthy baby boy born 9/12/13!
    My chart.
  
  
  Congratulations to the fabulous KGS2003! Her sweet boys are here! Grow boys grow!!!

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• CashewsMommy member

  April 2012

  buckeyebaby814:

  Detachment maybe?  I feel this same way.  

  I know my RE has some other things planned for future cycles but at this point, I kind of feel like what's the point of even continuing to try?  Some days I feel like maybe I should be spending my time and money on a therapist to accept the strong possibility of living child free rather than spending it on treatments when all I do is miscarry.

  Most days I'm not sad, but I'm definitely not happy.  I know I'm avoiding my feelings and thinking about my losses but at this point I don't know how else to cope. 

  Detachment is a good term too. It's such a weird feeling... and it almost feels like I don't care anymore! 

  Back when DH and I were first TTC, we were in the mind frame of "if it happens, it happens. if it doesn't, it doesn't." and I almost feel like i'm back in that mind frame! I don't know if I like it or not.  

  My Flucking Chart // Aurora's Blog // Crochet Blog // My Story // Teaching Blog
  

      

  
  

  BFP#1 {Cashew} - 9.19.09 EDD 5.26.10
  

  The day you first lay in my arms, you made my life complete.
  Aurora Rose born sleeping at 35w on 4-21-10
  BFP#2 {Almond} - 2.1.11 EDD 10.12.11 C/P 2.11.11

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