Anyone else numb?

CashewsMommy

Seeing kps's post had me thinking. Is anyone past that bitter feeling and are now just numb? I can't even find the right words to describe it. Just..... numb. To everything.

I cried when I heard about BEB. I cried when I watched The Little Couple. So I don't mean numb about that. I wish I had better words to describe it. Maybe one of you can help a girl out!

VikingQueen

I know what you mean. I got that way for a while.. right now I wish I was that way truthfully. ((hugs)) I think your words describe it perfectly.. it's like your heart has let go of that hopeful feeling to keep you from getting hurt again.

Kpsbabyzoe

To both you and VQ, here's some HUGE ((HUGS)).  C'mon world- can't we just have something work out right around here?!?

buckeyebaby814

Detachment maybe?  I feel this same way.  

I know my RE has some other things planned for future cycles but at this point, I kind of feel like what's the point of even continuing to try?  Some days I feel like maybe I should be spending my time and money on a therapist to accept the strong possibility of living child free rather than spending it on treatments when all I do is miscarry.

Most days I'm not sad, but I'm definitely not happy.  I know I'm avoiding my feelings and thinking about my losses but at this point I don't know how else to cope. 

kate6267

Numbness has really taken over lately. I'm kind of starting to feel like whats the point? 

((((HUGS)))) To you all its a really crappy as* feeling!

delino

I think detached is a good word for it. When I think of my losses, the possibility of this IVF not working, the idea that I may never have a child....I shutdown. I am going through the motions everyday, I'm surviving.

jenn0021

I don't think I'm quite to that point yet but I wanted to offer you all ((Hugs)). I wish that there was something more that I could do.

ufsandra85

i know what you mean and i feel the same way

hungryhippo

jenek0213:

delino:

I think detached is a good word for it. When I think of my losses, the possibility of this IVF not working, the idea that I may never have a child....I shutdown. I am going through the motions everyday, I'm surviving.

This^^^

I feel totally detached. I feel like things are never going to just work out. I think about the possibility of never having a child to love and it terrifies me. Literally - full on panic attacks.  And I'm missing my Dad badly... I still pick up the phone to call and tell him something or ask him about the funny noise my car makes or share a funny story - and I just put the phone down.....

So I feel detached and numbness... because that is easier then dealing with the pain and fear. If I don't detach, at least a little bit, then I will fall apart. So numbness is what keeps my life together somewhat....

I HATE that we are here...that we are in this place. I am so angry at the world for such wonderful, amazing women being put HERE. I hate it!

This completely. In January and February I spent part of most days on the floor ugly crying, completely unraveling. I think the only way to survive that was to make a 180 degree turn and feel almost nothing. I go back and forth but the numbness is more prevalent than other feelings. It is way, way easier to feel nothing than to be devastated all the time. There must be something more balanced but I can't seem to find it yet.

I'm sorry for everyone feeling this way. 

CashewsMommy

buckeyebaby814:

Detachment maybe?  I feel this same way.  

I know my RE has some other things planned for future cycles but at this point, I kind of feel like what's the point of even continuing to try?  Some days I feel like maybe I should be spending my time and money on a therapist to accept the strong possibility of living child free rather than spending it on treatments when all I do is miscarry.

Most days I'm not sad, but I'm definitely not happy.  I know I'm avoiding my feelings and thinking about my losses but at this point I don't know how else to cope. 

Detachment is a good term too. It's such a weird feeling... and it almost feels like I don't care anymore! 

Back when DH and I were first TTC, we were in the mind frame of "if it happens, it happens. if it doesn't, it doesn't." and I almost feel like i'm back in that mind frame! I don't know if I like it or not.