Stab to the heart

weddedwife · April 2012

Well, it happened. My second friend that was pg w/ me had her baby today. I had purposely blocked her on my fb wall so that I could just find out about it later, when I was ready. So what does she do? Emails me in a group email. And attached is a photo of her baby... wrapped in the same blanket they wrapped Nathaniel in. I am crushed.

Now I am sitting here crying. Our babies would've been 6 or 7 weeks apart. Our older kids are 5 days apart. I haven't spoken to this friend since our loss. I feel really hurt that she told me this way, I don't know if it's justified or if I'm just sad & reacting. It's got to be very obvious to her that I'm not on fb lately, so why did she have to send that email to me?? It's addressed to me & 4 other people.

I wanted to just forget that she was pg and find out she had her baby, like 3 weeks later. Then it would've felt like no big deal

fluttergirlmoonchild79 · April 2012

I can't believe she did that. If anything, I think maybe she should have emailed you just to say that the baby was born and ok and say something along the lines of "if you want to and when you're ready I'll be more than happy to send you a picture." And to send it in a group email is just terrible. I had family members do that after my cousin had her baby. It really is a stab in our already shattered hearts. {{HUGS}}

Petunia844 · April 2012

I agree, she went about it in entirely the wrong way... I'm so sorry. I think sadly after a certain amount of time people just think we're ok... Big hugs.

weddedwife · April 2012

This is the same friend who emailed me after he died, saying that "everything happens for a reason" and that "maybe it's better it happened now instead of later"??? I want to believe she didn't mean to be hurtful when she wrote those things but it still leaves a bad taste in my mouth.

lrichmond86 · April 2012

It sounds like this friend has no idea how to approach this tactfully. I'm so sorry she sent those emails, and I don't blame you for being sad and angry. I would have been if I had found out this way too. Big hugs!

dandywarhol · April 2012

I agree with the pp, sound like this woman has no tact. People are so self-absorbed that they don't think about how their actions might affect others. You were doing the best to protect yourself but you still got hurt. That makes it hurt even worse.

nuttycoconut · April 2012

That is awful. I've never in my life been so disappointed in people and their lack of sensitivity and understanding.

figgs0831 · April 2012

I am so sorry you have to deal with this. From what I have learned, some people really don't know how to respond to women in our situation. In the words of my new shrink.... People tend to make light of these situations. They don't want to see you in pain and they don't want to fully understand the tragedy/pain, so they protect themselves by making light of it or shrugging it off.

Either way, she should not have included you on that email. She must have been completely oblivious to the fact that you have distanced yourself from her. I don't understand people sometimes.

jbranden12 · April 2012

I'm so sorry you had to experience that. I agree that she is probably just oblivious to the fact that you are in so much pain and that an email like that might add to it.

It makes me want to try to prevent that from happening to me, but I don't know how. I blocked all pregnant friends or friends with babies on FB. Guess that's all I can do. But I know that no matter when I find out, it will really really hurt.

eroplane · April 2012

nuttycoconut:
That is awful. I've never in my life been so disappointed in people and their lack of sensitivity and understanding.

This. I'm sorry you have to deal with this. People are self-centered and rude. Hugs.

BronwynJaede · April 2012

I'm so very sorry your friend was so thoughtless. I could maybe, maybe, understand if it was a mass e-mail to dozens of friends and you were included by mistake. However, if she only sent it to a handful of people then yeah, tact and consideration for your pain are not her strong points.

Chels1222 · April 2012

*hugs* some people just don't think about how what they say and do can hurt. Sorry you are going through this.

barrona · April 2012

I am so very sorry she did this. You think she would see you're not on FB and maybe get a clue that she shouldn't send that to you. ((Hugs)) to you!

blessedhope · April 2012

lrichmond86:
It sounds like this friend has no idea how to approach this tactfully. I'm so sorry she sent those emails, and I don't blame you for being sad and angry. I would have been if I had found out this way too. Big hugs!

you said everything I was going to say. Big ((hugs)). My DH has 5 sisters who pop out babies like nothing and here we are having lost our first and having trouble ttc our second. I constantly get bombared by this type of insensitivity.

Carolee · April 2012

Big (((HUGS))). I'm so sorry. That was very insensitive of her.

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