Hello, let me introduce myself first..
For the first 30 years of my life, everything was smooth and worry-free. I was my parents’ most beloved child, found my true love in college, and happily married him after graduation.
At work, I was my boss’s most valued employee. Whenever I was in charge of a project, colleagues would inevitably say, “Oh, then I’m totally at ease.” I was constantly named “Employee of the Year,” with generous bonuses every year.
Later, I started my own business. Within just three months, I had broken into the market and started making money. By the fifth month, I was earning twice my previous salary. Growth was steady month after month. Right when the business needed more hands, I serendipitously met an amazing partner, and the company reached a whole new level.
Really, it seemed like at every step, whatever I needed, a pair of hands would always place it right in front of me, just in time.
My Two Girls: Ellie & Mia
Meet Ellie, My Firstborn
In 2020, my husband and I decided to have a child. After trying for over a year, we finally got the news in 2021 that a little one was on the way. In 2022, we welcomed our first child, Ellie. She made me a mother.
She is utterly adorable—big eyes, rosy skin, chubby little hands. Every time I look at her, I can’t help but give her a kiss. She is pure joy, and I love her more each day.
But as a first-time mom, I faced unprecedented difficulties. The postpartum tearing wouldn’t heal, and the pain was excruciating. Clogged milk ducts made my breasts hard as rocks. The severe sleep deprivation… And what was even more crushing was that, with zero parenting experience, I was clueless when faced with her unexplained wailing, night terrors, refusal to nurse, constipation, diarrhea, fevers… I desperately searched online, longing for one accurate, truly useful answer!
It was during this time that I thought, once I make it through this “dark” path, I must leave a light on for other new moms.
And Then Came Mia
Ellie had just turned one when I got pregnant again. In 2024, we welcomed our second daughter, Mia.
Completely different from Ellie, Mia is a great eater and sleeper. Although she had her fussy moments in the first two months, starting almost from month three, she became super easygoing. She feeds on schedule, gradually sleeps through the night, loves her solid foods, and adapted quickly when I had to stop breastfeeding due to mastitis.
This made me realize just how vastly different babies can be! It made me even more determined to write about my experiences.
Why I Had to Start This Blog
The Catalyst: A Life Pivoted
After Mia was born, my business also began to decline sharply. I had no choice but to close it and become a full-time mom. My work no longer involves Excel and Word, but instead revolves around changing diapers, washing bottles, making baby food, and managing household chores…
This has been a monumental challenge for me. All my past achievements seem irrelevant now. Managing two young children has brought me a sense of frustration I’ve never known before.
The Daily Reality
They are always fighting over things. When one is in my arms, the other immediately demands to be held too. When I try to cook, Ellie wants me to read her a book. When I attempt to load the washing machine, Mia has a diaper blowout, and I must drop everything to change her…
By the time I finish all that, I see the cup of hot coffee on the table has gone cold again. And it’s not until evening that I remember, “Oh my goodness, the clothes are still in the hamper, unwashed!”
Of course, being a mom is filled with happiness, but that doesn’t negate how hard it is.
My Promise to You
Because I’ve walked this path myself, I won’t just tell you how joyful motherhood is, like many websites do. I want to share my real, unfiltered experiences so every new mom can find a “companion” here.
I want to tell you: you are not alone. What you’re going through, I’ve been there too. Your breakdowns, your helplessness, your moments of losing control—I’ve had them all. You don’t need to feel guilty. This is just a small, necessary stretch of the journey for every mom.
My Hope for This Space
I really want to share my parenting experiences—not just the warm, glowing moments, but to honestly document the pitfalls I’ve stumbled into, the tears I’ve shed, and the “survival wisdom” I’ve scraped together in utter exhaustion.
The Goal: A Mom’s Toolkit
I hope this blog becomes a “mom’s toolkit,” filled not with vague theories, but with:
- Practical Tips: Like how to quickly figure out why a baby is crying, tried-and-true methods for dealing with clogged ducts, or how to efficiently manage the daily grind with twins (or two under two) solo.
- Pitfall Avoidance Guides: Sharing the baby products I regret buying the most, and those “game-changer” parenting hacks. Letting you know which parenting anxieties you can let go of, and which principles are worth holding onto.
- A Community for Moms: I hope my stories connect me with more moms like you. We can cheer each other on in the comments, share our own tricks, turning the storms we face alone into a journey we walk together.
The Bigger Vision
My previous career taught me to analyze data, solve problems, and optimize processes. Now, I’m applying all those skills to this new “position” of Mom. I want to prove that a mom’s value is absolutely not confined to the home. The mindset, resilience, and creativity we built in our careers can shine just as brightly—perhaps even brighter—in this more complex, long-term “project” of raising humans, and can even be transformed into a force that helps others.
My hope is simple: that every mom who opens this blog can let out a sigh of relief and say, “So it’s not just me.” Then, she can find a bit of practical info, a dose of comforting solidarity, and return to her sweet, chaotic mom-life with a little more confidence and a little less weight on her shoulders.
This road? Let’s walk it together.
Re: how will you explain to your LO
Hang in there sweetie, it gets easier I promise. It just takes time.
I know you mentioned that a one bedroom apartment is all you can afford, and for now that is just fine. Try getting onto a housing program because a lot of those offer 2 and even 3 bedroom homes for maybe even less rent than you are paying now. Also, get some child support set up if you plan on being the parent that your little one is with most of the time (I'm assuming you are) I know it sounds blunt, but getting a lawyer just to make it easier is probably a wise idea. Things like this tend to bring out the bad in people. You can look into legal assistance as well. Many lawyers offer their services for around $300 or less.
As for the questions your daughter will have one day, you have time so I wouldn't stress over that now. I know its hard but you need to do the work first and the thinking later. A policy I've given myself is, never say anything out of anger around your daughter about her father. As hard as that may be, its just the right thing to do. My DS isn't even born yet and I've decided that how I need to be. I figure his mother probably did that around my STBXH when he was younger and acted pretty sh!tty towards his father and now I'm dealing with the consequences of it.
You didn't let her down, the fact that this concerns you shows that your a good mom. It shows that your concerned with not only right now but her future as well. Sometimes people are better parents apart than they together. There is nothing you could have done to prevent it I promise you.
I have discussed this with my counselor actually. She told me what a friend of hers did.
When the son got older, he asked his mom why her and his dad got divorced. She told him "When there are 3 people in a marriage, it doesn't work." The son eventually figured out what she meant and then began to wonder if the woman his dad was with was her (it was). I may use something along these lines.
My ex and I get along great. It took a long time to get there, but we're really good at coparenting. Sure, we have little tiffs here and there, but for the most part, we're pretty close friends. Now...dating? No way. DD would be an orphan. It'd be like the story of the calico cat and the gingham dog. She'd come home from school one day and find a scrap of calico (me) and gingham (him) material and nothing else. We were a horrible couple that did ONE thing right...create this awesome child.
As far as apts. DD and I shared a room for YEARS. Mainly because when I lived with my parents, we shared a room. Even when I had a 2 bedroom, she was in my bed every night. There's nothing wrong with sharing a room and/or a bed with a small child. It might even be comforting to your LO to be close to you during this time.
Above all else, remember kids are resilient. Get them out of a bad situation, and they'll bounce back. A child will know if mom and dad aren't happy. Take it from someone who watched their parents stay together "for the kids", it jacks with them. I felt like it was my fault my parents were miserable. Sometimes being a good parent means ending a relationship.
Really? That seems odd to let a child know personal details like that. Maybe once they're a teen or adult, sure.
My girls are 3.5 and have not once questioned why mom & dad live apart. Then again, they see their father very rarely, and have a hands on step dad at home.
I know depending on how old DS is when he asks will dictate how much information he gets.
This is pretty much my situation. We have a ton of problems, but in the end, it's me leaving because I simply don't love him and can't forgive all the things he did to me in the past.
And what everyone tells me is: Your kids will be fine if you are fine; they have consistency; they have structure; and they have constant access to both parents. Kids adjust better than we think. So I'm hoping that's true.