Hello, let me introduce myself first..
For the first 30 years of my life, everything was smooth and worry-free. I was my parents’ most beloved child, found my true love in college, and happily married him after graduation.
At work, I was my boss’s most valued employee. Whenever I was in charge of a project, colleagues would inevitably say, “Oh, then I’m totally at ease.” I was constantly named “Employee of the Year,” with generous bonuses every year.
Later, I started my own business. Within just three months, I had broken into the market and started making money. By the fifth month, I was earning twice my previous salary. Growth was steady month after month. Right when the business needed more hands, I serendipitously met an amazing partner, and the company reached a whole new level.
Really, it seemed like at every step, whatever I needed, a pair of hands would always place it right in front of me, just in time.
My Two Girls: Ellie & Mia
Meet Ellie, My Firstborn
In 2020, my husband and I decided to have a child. After trying for over a year, we finally got the news in 2021 that a little one was on the way. In 2022, we welcomed our first child, Ellie. She made me a mother.
She is utterly adorable—big eyes, rosy skin, chubby little hands. Every time I look at her, I can’t help but give her a kiss. She is pure joy, and I love her more each day.
But as a first-time mom, I faced unprecedented difficulties. The postpartum tearing wouldn’t heal, and the pain was excruciating. Clogged milk ducts made my breasts hard as rocks. The severe sleep deprivation… And what was even more crushing was that, with zero parenting experience, I was clueless when faced with her unexplained wailing, night terrors, refusal to nurse, constipation, diarrhea, fevers… I desperately searched online, longing for one accurate, truly useful answer!
It was during this time that I thought, once I make it through this “dark” path, I must leave a light on for other new moms.
And Then Came Mia
Ellie had just turned one when I got pregnant again. In 2024, we welcomed our second daughter, Mia.
Completely different from Ellie, Mia is a great eater and sleeper. Although she had her fussy moments in the first two months, starting almost from month three, she became super easygoing. She feeds on schedule, gradually sleeps through the night, loves her solid foods, and adapted quickly when I had to stop breastfeeding due to mastitis.
This made me realize just how vastly different babies can be! It made me even more determined to write about my experiences.
Why I Had to Start This Blog
The Catalyst: A Life Pivoted
After Mia was born, my business also began to decline sharply. I had no choice but to close it and become a full-time mom. My work no longer involves Excel and Word, but instead revolves around changing diapers, washing bottles, making baby food, and managing household chores…
This has been a monumental challenge for me. All my past achievements seem irrelevant now. Managing two young children has brought me a sense of frustration I’ve never known before.
The Daily Reality
They are always fighting over things. When one is in my arms, the other immediately demands to be held too. When I try to cook, Ellie wants me to read her a book. When I attempt to load the washing machine, Mia has a diaper blowout, and I must drop everything to change her…
By the time I finish all that, I see the cup of hot coffee on the table has gone cold again. And it’s not until evening that I remember, “Oh my goodness, the clothes are still in the hamper, unwashed!”
Of course, being a mom is filled with happiness, but that doesn’t negate how hard it is.
My Promise to You
Because I’ve walked this path myself, I won’t just tell you how joyful motherhood is, like many websites do. I want to share my real, unfiltered experiences so every new mom can find a “companion” here.
I want to tell you: you are not alone. What you’re going through, I’ve been there too. Your breakdowns, your helplessness, your moments of losing control—I’ve had them all. You don’t need to feel guilty. This is just a small, necessary stretch of the journey for every mom.
My Hope for This Space
I really want to share my parenting experiences—not just the warm, glowing moments, but to honestly document the pitfalls I’ve stumbled into, the tears I’ve shed, and the “survival wisdom” I’ve scraped together in utter exhaustion.
The Goal: A Mom’s Toolkit
I hope this blog becomes a “mom’s toolkit,” filled not with vague theories, but with:
- Practical Tips: Like how to quickly figure out why a baby is crying, tried-and-true methods for dealing with clogged ducts, or how to efficiently manage the daily grind with twins (or two under two) solo.
- Pitfall Avoidance Guides: Sharing the baby products I regret buying the most, and those “game-changer” parenting hacks. Letting you know which parenting anxieties you can let go of, and which principles are worth holding onto.
- A Community for Moms: I hope my stories connect me with more moms like you. We can cheer each other on in the comments, share our own tricks, turning the storms we face alone into a journey we walk together.
The Bigger Vision
My previous career taught me to analyze data, solve problems, and optimize processes. Now, I’m applying all those skills to this new “position” of Mom. I want to prove that a mom’s value is absolutely not confined to the home. The mindset, resilience, and creativity we built in our careers can shine just as brightly—perhaps even brighter—in this more complex, long-term “project” of raising humans, and can even be transformed into a force that helps others.
My hope is simple: that every mom who opens this blog can let out a sigh of relief and say, “So it’s not just me.” Then, she can find a bit of practical info, a dose of comforting solidarity, and return to her sweet, chaotic mom-life with a little more confidence and a little less weight on her shoulders.
This road? Let’s walk it together.
Re: 37 weeks and planning a VBAC, but scared...
This NICU nurse may have a very biased opinion/memory, so keep that in mind. She may think that a lot of VBACs result in NICU stays for the baby, while neglecting to remember or acknowledge how many c/s babies are there. And I bet she's not keeping track of how many VBACs and c/s occur in the hospital, and the percent of each that are from something going wrong vs how many are completely normal and healthy. Basically her story and opinion are anecdotal and I wouldn't put much weight in them without documented evidence from the hospital/your doctor.
That being said, here are two sources I would consider non-biased:
https://journals.lww.com/greenjournal/abstract/2004/11000/results_of_the_national_study_of_vaginal_birth.9.aspxc
https://birthwithoutfearblog.com/2011/09/06/a-uterine-rupture-a-look-at-20-peer-reviewed-publications/
I hope those help!
I second everything that pp said but wanted to add that in my experience (and this is my third pregnacy) these types of comments are common with all women as they get closer to their due date - VBAC or not. I think that as a country / culture we have medicalized and dramaticized birth so heavily that people cannot help but focus on the risks and pain and dangers associated with childbirth. You hear it all the time with people feeling the need to tell pregnant woman about every horrible situation that could arise during the process. Women seem to love to share their bad birth stories with pregnant women. As you get later in pregnancy seemingly natural birth friendly or VBAC friendly doctors start pushing interventions in order to avoid "big babies" or "deteriorating placentas" and the like.
I'm just about 38 weeks along and I've had several people who seemed very supportive early on come to me recently with their concerns. My take on it is that for me at least (and by your post I'm assuming you too) I spent a lot of time both before my pregnancy and early on in my pregnancy researching the risks and coming to terms with the fact that there are risks either way and I need to go in whatever direction I feel most comfortable with. But now that I'm huge and birth is obviously immenent my friends and family are finally realizing that these risks are real and many of them just assume that the CS is risk free despite all evidence to the contrary.
The best you can do is direct them to accurate information regarding the risks of both VBAC and CS (I don't have any links but isn't there a VBAC blog associated with this board that has good links?) and stay positive yourself. Make sure that you have a labor support team in place that doesn't have these reservations and stay positive. If you had planned on having your mom support you through the labor maybe think again about that decision and look at alternatives. GL!
Unfortunately, it's hard to see the forest from the trees. And NICU nurses are not even looking at all the trees, they're only looking at the sick trees. Every baby they see is a case of something gone wrong and some of those are going to be VBACs.
In my experience, those on the front lines of medicine are some of the most resistant to change. Not only are they used to doing things a certain way, they are also defensive of the way that they've been treating their past patients. No one wants to hear that they've been giving bad advice or not doing the best for their patients. And there's always a horror story for every scenario, but it's just a single story among thousands of happy endings.
Here's a fairly anti-VBAC article, related to the new Australian study. But, even though it would be considered anti-vbac, they state numerous times that there are risks associated with both and that both are viable options.
https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/health-17353803
Good Luck!
No offense, but that Birth Without Fear blog really isn't a good source. There are various posts on there that have the wrong rate of UR stated, or use confusing stats to make it look lower than it actually is.
OP - ACOG came out in 2010 with a statement that VBAC is a reasonable option for women who've had c/s. They aren't exactly a wild-and-wacky bunch of people, so if even they say VBAC is safe, it's safe.
I think the NIH consensus is a good unbiased source, as is Childbirth Connection. Links are here:
https://givingbirthwithconfidence.org/2-2/a-womans-guide-to-vbac/
https://givingbirthwithconfidence.org/2-2/a-womans-guide-to-vbac/weighing-the-pros-and-cons/
https://www.childbirthconnection.org/article.asp?ck=10210&ClickedLink=293&area=27
Good luck. My sister had a HBAC around the same time I had my VBAC, and our cousin's DH wrote my sister an email about how he's seen some bad outcomes with VBAC (he's an anesthesiologist). It was totally none of his business, and really not cool for him to do it.
I think it's okay for strangers/relatives to express concern if they're worried, but ultimately VBAC isn't some crazy dangerous choice to make.
DS2 - Oct 2010 (my VBAC baby!)
Stay strong. Here's an article from the New England Journal of Medicine, a pretty objective source:
https://www.nejm.org/doi/full/10.1056/NEJMoa040405#t=articleTop
If you look at the tables, you can see that:
1. Risk to the mother is lower in VBAC than in RCS.
2. As long as you are not induced, the risk of rupture is 4 out of 1000 (.04%), and most of those are minor.