DH not staying over...

mamayo26 · April 2012

So yesterday DH asked if I wanted him to stay over once I was in recovery (meaning spend the night on the pullout couch they have in the recovery room). this caught me totally off guard as he has asked very little about what I want (mostly becuase I just tell him what I want).

I told him it would depend on how things went with L&D. If it was a normal or c/s delivery as I would need to stay in the hospital longer if it was a c/s.

If I have a normal one and will only be in the hospital for about 1 night I am really fine with it, especially since this will be a major adjustment for him (he isn't used to not getting regular sleep, so having to get up with LO should be interesting).

But if I have a c/s and have to be in the hospital for several nights I think I will want him to be there for at least some of those nights?

He is planning to be there the rest of the time, so it would litteraly be leave, go home (10 minutes away), take care of the cats, go to bed, get up shower, and go back to the hospital.

Anyone have experience with this? Is there anything I am not considering that may change our minds about this arrangement?

mrsjengle · April 2012

First, I'd check on how long you'll be there for a vag. delivery. Most places don't let first time moms leave after 1 night.

Second, you don't want to disturb his sleep schedule?

JennyJensing · April 2012

Haha PP, that's exactly what I was thinking! I will want DH there with me to bond with the baby, field visits from friends and family and support me while I'm healing and dealing with the hormones and such. I hadn't even taken into consideration his sleep schedule...I think that will be a non-issue with both of us for the first few weeks at least. Meaning, neither of us will get any.

mandalinn25 · April 2012

My dh is staying because he wants to help with the baby and me. She will be rooming in. I wouldn't have it any other way.

jp0129 · April 2012

We have't really talked about it. I just figured he would stay there.

Heather2256 · April 2012

Um, yeah, my DH will be staying with me every night I'm there. Forget if he doesn't get enough sleep! He's gotten enough sleep while I've been pregnant. Since he's a parent too he will be there.

mamayo26 · April 2012

It's more he will be tossing and turning and keeping me up, and I want to try and get as much sleep as in between feedings possible as I will want LO rooming in with me (pending no medical reasons he can't).

During our hospital tour they say most vag deliveries only stay one night...depending on when the actual delivery happens.

courtfsu · April 2012

As PP said, check with your hospital.

Btw- the nurses at my hospital were not particularly helpful. I needed DH to go down the hall and get ice packs for me and to remind the nurses that I was due for my pain meds (it was a pretty rough exit for me). If LO will be rooming in, do you really want to do everything by yourself? It is an adjustement for dads, I agree. But what better time to start? Get a neighbor to watch the cats. Just my 2 cents.

justforbaby626 · April 2012

DH will be staying- we have friends lined up to take care of the dogs. He will be heading home for a bit to acclimate the digs with babies scent before we all come home. I don't know- I def want DH there the whole time. Guess I never considered him not staying. But just my personal opinion

imimahoney · April 2012

In my hospital, a vaginal delivery is a 2 night stay and a c/s delivery is a 4 night stay. Since we are planning on "rooming in" with the baby as much as possible (meaning they will not go to the nursery unless medically necessary) my H is planning on staying every night. I imagine we will both need to get used to the night time feedings/changing.

My H will probably spend most of the time in the hospital with me. We live about 20 minutes away w/out traffic and an hr plus with traffic so it's not really worth it for him to leave and then come back unless it was really necessary.

katmacwv · April 2012

I had a c-section with DD but had roommates the entire time, so DH wasn't allowed to stay overnight. This time around, I want DH to go home to spend the nights with DD and try to keep her on a normal routine. DH was bored after a while at the hospital each day, so I was fine with him going home at night.

morethancottoncandy · April 2012

I can't imagine my H not staying over or this even being a question. The baby is going to be up every couple of hours and I'll need help with changing and feeding, etc. since the baby will most likely (barring any serious health issues) be in the room with us. I had a hard enough time just getting up to go pee. Unless you plan on letting your baby stay in the nursery all night long, you will need your H there to help you.

myluckypig · April 2012

You can leave cats for a night or two alone. Leave them plenty of water and food and a clean box and they will be just fine. If my DH even asked me if I wanted him to stay I would probably kill him. He knows that he will be staying, which he definitely wants to anyways. If he is not used to getting regular sleep, how is one extra night at home alone going to help? He has had 9 months to prepare for fatherhood. Time to suck it up!

kjg5445 · April 2012

my H stayed one night, the first night, with us at the hospital. i stayed 4 more nights by myself because LO had jaundice and had to be on the biliruben bed for 72 hours before he was released and DH had to be home with our older son to make sure he was up for school.

it was kinda miserable being alone....but DH's grouchiness was hard to handle the night we had LO because he isnt used to being woken up. so i spent half hte night wishing DH was not there to bring down my mood =P

if your DH isnt a grouch bucket like mine, i'd probably want him to stay and help.

Babybear70 · April 2012

This is what my DH will be doing also. We have a German Shepherd at home, and granted our family has keys to our house, but all of our family will be at the hospital! So we will arrange for someone to go over while I'm actually delivering, but at night time Dh will be going home (late) to shower, sleep and take care of the pup (well she's almost 4 now) since she is up 2-3 times a night to go out to go potty. Then he will get back up in the early morning and come back up to the hospital to be with me and the babe.

mben1119 · April 2012

Babybear70:
This is what my DH will be doing also. We have a German Shepherd at home, and granted our family has keys to our house, but all of our family will be at the hospital! So we will arrange for someone to go over while I'm actually delivering, but at night time Dh will be going home (late) to shower, sleep and take care of the pup (well she's almost 4 now) since she is up 2-3 times a night to go out to go potty. Then he will get back up in the early morning and come back up to the hospital to be with me and the babe.

This is exactly what my husband did while I was in for 4 days for my c-section. He left after I went to bed, and came back first thing in the AM with coffee and breakfast for me.

Jess & Drew · April 2012

DH and I are planning on him going home (unless some unforeseen circumstance pops up). I figure he might as well go home and get some good sleep while he still can.

jiffy-pop · April 2012

Luker...I had a normal vaginal birth on Thursday around 1:30 and went home that Saturday so we stayed two nights. I don't know how I would have survived if DH didn't stay overnight with me during the first night. Finally at 2:00am, we sent DD to the nursery so we both could get some sleep and they brought her to me for feedings. The second night, I went ahead and sent her to the nursery around 8:00 so we could sleep. If you plan to have baby stay in the nursery overnight, I think DH leaving and coming back might be ok.

DH changed all the diapers while we were in the hospital which kept me from having to get up and down a lot also.

sophia17 · April 2012

My DH doesn't have a choice in this matter..I just told him he would need to be there as long as I am Big Smile

04TerpBride · April 2012

Lol, my DH was worthless the one and only time he stayed over with me at the hospital. I was throwing things at him across the room trying to get him to help in the middle of the night but he wouldn't wake up, so I had to do everything myself anyways. And then he spent the next 2 days complaining about how horrible he felt from not getting any sleep. Next day I called in my mom - much better. Haven't invited him back to stay with me for any of the other kids. If I'm going to be doing everything on my own anyways, no point in him taking up extra space in my room and then spending all day complaining about how tired he is. He will be again staying home with the kids while I am at the hospital. I call it my mini-vacation:)

StokedWifey · April 2012

My husband wouldn't think of leaving us in the hospital. He's there as long as we are. My mom has a key to the house so she can go take care of our dogs when we need her to.

StokedWifey · April 2012

My husband wouldn't think of leaving us in the hospital. He's there as long as we are. My mom has a key to the house so she can go take care of our dogs when we need her to.

JennyJensing · April 2012

kjg5445:

it was kinda miserable being alone....but DH's grouchiness was hard to handle the night we had LO because he isnt used to being woken up. so i spent half hte night wishing DH was not there to bring down my mood =P

if your DH isnt a grouch bucket like mine, i'd probably want him to stay and help.

Ew I didn't even think about this. My DH can be kind of a bucket himself. I was thinking he would just suck it up, but this kind of opened my eyes. Thank you!

onetxjewel · April 2012

My parents will be staying at my house with the dogs...my hubby wouldn't want to be away from me or LO for a night. He's in it to win it as I say! LOL...we're first time parents but for me I would feel lost if he wasn't there. I think starting this new experience is always better with two people rather than one...and you never know, you may be too sore and need his help with changings and holding LO. When we get home it's a life changing event for both of us not just me...so your husband can go home to sleep while you're in the hospital if you want but what is he going ot do once you and LO come home?

emberlee3 · April 2012

With #1, there is no way I could have managed if DH had gone home. I couldn't even get out of bed without assistance (it was a difficult vaginal delivery), much less pick up a baby. The nurses were awesome and took care of me, while DH took care of DS (except when I was unsuccessfully trying to BF him).

I am on the fence about DH staying this time. I may choose to have LO stay in the nursery the first night so that I can get more rest. If so, I will send DH home. However, he has talked about feeling less connected to this LO than he did with #1, so if he wants to stay and room in with us, I will probably let him. My parents will be staying with DS.

Do whatever you think works best for you. But keep in mind that rooming in with baby alone may be very difficult for you unless your delivery is super-smooth.

AshleyR711 · April 2012

Wow all these responses are making me feel like I'm an idiot or something! I told DH I want him to stay the first night but the second night he could go home to shower/eat, feed the cats etc.. and come right back in the AM. I figure one of us needs to get rest and I'd rather he be somewhat functional when I get home from the hospital so if i need to take an extra nap here and there the first day I can. I don't know what to expect or how I will be. Obviously being a FTM if it arises that I want him there I will ask him to stay.

It's not like he's going home and taking a vacation!

GypsyEsq · April 2012

Ask your hospital. At mine, if there was no second adult in the room overnight the baby went to the nursery and then the nurses would bring the baby to the mom for feedings. Might have worked out fine, who knows, but I didn't want my DD in the nursery. FWIW, DH was with me the entire stay except for a few hours on the day we came home and that was to come home and ready the house (and paint a welcome home banner which was so sweet). This time it will probably be different since we have DD but I have to say that spending those days together was really special, sure, it was the hospital, and he wasn't super comfy (but neither was I) but we were a family, and those were our first hours and days as a family. It was great and I know he agrees.

smacb · April 2012

If you have a c-section and you aren't putting the baby in the nursery, you will need your husband. You won't be able to get up for about 1 hours after the surgery.

AngelGirl37351 · April 2012

When I had DD I had her at 6:00 am and was discharged (me and baby) at 7:30 am the next day. If the hospital hadn't been so far from our house I would have told DH to go home since we had been there 3 days before we had her

jlthompson19 · April 2012

I had DH go home at night. I was woken up often to either have my vitals checked or feed DD, so I wanted him to get as much sleep as possible. I guess I'm nice like that. Actually it was because I wanted as much normalcy for my dogs as possible, so I wanted DH home with them. This time around it will be the same to keep normalcy for DD and for the dogs.

mikeandcristina · April 2012

I guess I just assumed DH was going to be there as long as I am... I don't really care if he doesn't get the sleep he's used to.. Welcome to my world... I've not gotten a good night's sleep since about week 20, and am not expecting to have a good nights sleep after the baby is born!

okayestmom12 · April 2012

I'm having a csection and DH will not be spending the night at all.

First off, we have a dog that will need to be fed/ cared for. Secondly, the hospital I'm delivering at has a horrible vinyl recliner thing for the dads to sleep on - I'd much rather DH go home and get some decent rest the 3 nights I'm in the hospital so that he's in good shape for when I come home.

Chelsey68 · April 2012

My DH stayed when I had our first son, but will not be staying this time because I feel it is more important for him to be with our oldest so he doesnt feel abandoned. He is already pretty worried about not being able to be with us when his brother comes into the world I really don't want to have him think were to busy for him.

As for disturbing your husbands sleep schedule um that crying baby is his too. I refuse to walk on egg shells so baby doesnt wake my husband up and my husband would probably think I was crazy if I tried

kimmyg000 · April 2012

I didnt' want to be alone in the hospital after my c-section since I couldn't jump out of bed to attend to DD. DH went home to shower and relax for a bit when my mom or someone else was there to help me. Even if I had vaginally the plan was for him to stay with me. I imagine if my DH or any of my kids were in the hospital overnight, there is no other place I would be but right by their side even if that meant being uncomfortable. That goes both ways, DH will be right by my side the whole time. Even this time with DD at home, she'll just get some extra spoiling in from the Grandmas before we all get to be home together.

jlthompson19 · April 2012

Oh, and I sent DD to the nursery at night and fully plan on doing it again this time around. I still EBF and never had one issue.

livinreality · April 2012

hocus:
Both times I delivered (vaginally) DH stayed the first nigh and went home the second night. I was fine with this. Honestly the hospital is pretty boring. I think it was good for DH to go home shower, sleep etc and be fresh.

This I need DH fresh for DS, he was useless at the hospital with visitors and such because he was tired, sending him home for 6-7 hours (12ish to 6/7ish) will make my life easier. Also we live 10 mins from the hospital and grandma will be staying with DS so I can call him back if needed.

trojas · April 2012

mrsjengle:
First, I'd check on how long you'll be there for a vag. delivery. Most places don't let first time moms leave after 1 night.
Second, you don't want to disturb his sleep schedule?

This.

mandalinn25 · April 2012

jlthompson19:
Oh, and I sent DD to the nursery at night and fully plan on doing it again this time around. I still EBF and never had one issue.

Not every hospital even has this option. Ours only does rooming in unless there is a medical reason.

jessiej7428 · April 2012

My husband didn't stay with my overnight with my son. I had a normal vaginal birth and was kept two nights. Each night he went home around 9 or 10 and came back around 8 or 9 in the morning. I didn't mind. He would have been really uncomfortable at the hospital in the chair/bed things they had.

winter-shock · April 2012

DH stayed the one night with me, he couldn't have been forced out! He will again. The nurses are there to help, but I really preferred that they leave us to it (which they did). So it was nice having DH there to help. He was able to bring her from the basinette to me in the middle of the night. Or even just help me to and from the bathroom if I needed a little extra assistance.

I had an extremely hard time falling asleep, mostly from adrenaline and excitement of baby being born. So come about 5 am he finally just took her for a couple of hours and let me sleep. It was super beneficial for him to be there.

JuneBugBaby2012 · April 2012

Even with two kiddos at home this time my husband will be staying with me overnight. Especially that first night as a FTM, no way I would have wanted to be alone. I didn't care how uncomfortable the couch/chair was, I needed support and help from my spouse. I'd be ticked if my husband suggested otherwise.

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