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Infant Adoption verses Fostering to Adopt

Soon to be Mrs. RSoon to be Mrs. R
in Adoption
Anyone have any advice of which route to take? We will be first time parents and I'm not sure if we can handle physical & mental disabilities from foster care but we want would love a child between ages 0 - 5 and foster seems to be primarily older children.
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Re: Infant Adoption verses Fostering to Adopt

  • mamatojtsmamatojts
    Its two totally different adventures. We chose foster care first. We had 8 placements, 6 of which were reunified with family (all infants/toddlers except 1). We actually sent our homestudy in for a foster child (16 months old at the time) in another foster home in our agency and he was our 7th placement. His BFs rights were already terminated. 2 months after he moved to our home, his BM had another child, who came into our home as well. BM relinquished rights to the second child a month after he was born (not typical by any means). We adopted both boys, then basically had a baby girl fall into our arms through a friend, so we did an infant adoption.
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  • Soon to be Mrs. RSoon to be Mrs. R
    how difficult was it to have the children be placed with you then reunited with their families, that is a concern I have.
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  • mamatojtsmamatojts

    They were all difficult, but the last 3 were easiest to handle when they left because at the time, we had the 2 boys plus the 3 girls (total of 5). I guess you could say I was looking for the relief of only having 2 children again (totally selfish on my part, but I was exhausted!) Of course almost 2 years later, there is still a little piece of my heart that they hold because we had them for 18 months. The first was absolutely the most difficult. I closed the nursery off after she left, stayed in the dark a lot and cried a lot. A month later I was ready for another placement. :)

     

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  • Dr.LorettaDr.Loretta member

    Unfortunately we can't tell you which route to take. It's a purely personal decision based on what works for your family. I would recommend checking out the FAQs and looking at resources for both types of adoption. You may feel drawn to one or the other right out of the gate.

    FWIW, foster care doesn't necessarily = physical and mental disabilities.

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  • CaptainSeriousCaptainSerious member
    imageDr.Loretta:

    Unfortunately we can't tell you which route to take. It's a purely personal decision based on what works for your family. I would recommend checking out the FAQs and looking at resources for both types of adoption. You may feel drawn to one or the other right out of the gate.

    FWIW, foster care doesn't necessarily = physical and mental disabilities.

    I agree with Dr. L completely.  It's just something that, as you learn a little more about, you'll probably have a pretty strong feeling one way or another.  I posted some information and resources in the above post about older child adoption that might help you start to form those impressions.  Good luck!

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  • mamatojtsmamatojts

    They aren't necessary "disabilities" but chances of a completely healthy, happy go-lucky kid in foster care will be hard to come by. They're in foster care for a reason - abuse, neglect, etc.

    infants who come into care will most likely be exposed to drugs/addicted to drugs (not all, but most times than not)

    toddler who come into care will have experienced neglect and some type of abuse.

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