Can I hide in the corner here?

PrettyAccountant · April 2012

Hi Ladies,

Just wondering if I can hide and lurk for a while? DH wants to start discussing our next step but honestly the way I feel that the next step is going to be his funeral if he brings it up again as it has barely been 2 and a half weeks since our triplets passed - it has only been 9 days since the funeral. DH thinks that me getting back in touch with everything will get me motivated to want to start an IVF cycle again - not that I can do anything since I have to wait 6 weeks to even be examined again.

I just don't know if I can emotionally handle an IVF cycle now. DH just wants to move forward - hey maybe we can just pretend I was never pregnant and our triplets didn't die. I told him to go get a girlfriend and let me be.

I pray everyone is doing well and hanging in there.

Rachel

abvernon · April 2012

YES!! You know we welcome you with open arms. I am sorry DH is doing this to you. ((hugs))

AmCheri · April 2012

Hi Rachel. Wow. I honestly can't imagine even thinking about another IVF cycle right now if I was in your shoes. We had an early m/c in November and I'm only now getting to the place where I think I can stomach another cycle. And, now that we gearing up to try again, I'm undertaking that decision with the greatest sense of doom and dread I've ever felt.

I have no doubt that your DH means well, but only you know how you're feeling and what you're ready for -- and not ready for. Try as I might, I can't pretend. I don't think you can pretend either and I'm not sure that it would be good for you even if you did. PA, you just endured devastating losses. Take all the time you need. There may never come a time when you feel truly ready or when you welcome another cycle, but a time will come when you know you can deal with it. Until that time, just take care of yourself. No pressure. Just healing. Big hugs.

naybird · April 2012

Big hugs, hun. We are here for you.

winofairy · April 2012

naybird:
Big hugs, hun. We are here for you.

Exactly this ^^^

LaLe09 · April 2012

I'm so, so sorry for your losses, I can't imagine what you have been through. I would think that starting a new cycle right now would be quite overwhelming. I think men process this whole thing differently. While I think their intentions are good, I think we just see it differently. They just want this nightmare to be over, so starting a new cycle and possibly getting pregnant again will make it all better, right? My DH was kind of like that too. I've taken a few months off since my last miscarriage and I'm honestly still not ready to cycle again. Seeing a counselor really helped me. It also helped me deal with DH better too. I think giving yourself time to grieve is really important. I really hope things start to get better for you.

Aegis2005 · April 2012

You are always welcome here. Feel free to jump in when you're ready, we'll be here for you. (((hugs)))

theworms · April 2012

i'm sorry cutie.

just tell yourself you are both processing grief in different ways and maybe his way is to plan your next step. just tell him you are not ready to discuss next steps and when you are you'll tell him. tell him in the meantime to do his own research if it makes him feel better.

maybe you can take a trip together to get a change of scenery. we did after our losses and it always helped (please know i am not comparing our losses to yours).

we always got your back cutie.

((HUGS))

illinigal · April 2012

Hugs sweetie. I'm so sorry you have experienced such a loss. It's unfair and cruel that any of us are here, but you are welcome.

Mrkyrain · April 2012

I think I can speak for everyone on this board, we are always going to be here for you. Big huge hugs.

vanessagorc · April 2012

Your are more than welcome here, altough so sorry u are here.

I would be ready to kill him too. I have an EARLY loss, and wanted at least 3 months off from that. Let alone all u have been through. You def need time to heal, and you should take all u need. And if i were u, i'd need quite awhile.

Men are just different than we are, i really don't get them at all. Unfortunately, i;m not a lesbian, so i'm stuck w my DH too.

Im so sorry for losses, huge hugs.

Faith722 · April 2012

I'm so very sorry for your losses. And I'm sorry that you and YH are having a hard time seeing eye to eye. FWIW, I agree with the others. I think this is just his way of dealing. I hope he comes around soon and realizes that your way of dealing is different and can be more supportive. Big hugs!

katib77 · April 2012

I am so so sorry you are having to deal with your DH on top of everything involved in losing your sweet angels. Huge (((hugs)))). Let us know if there is anything we can do to help.

SweetDahlia · April 2012

I am so sorry for your loss. Huge hugs. I am sure it will take a long time to heal.

lynn0926 · April 2012

Huge hugs hun! I think you need to take your time and process everything that has happened before you jump back in. You have experienced a very tramautic thing and need to grieve. We are here for you! I hope your H starts to understand that. This might just be the way he is grieving too and wants that feeling of excitement back. Hugs!

NMscubagirl · April 2012

((HUGE HUGS)) of course you can hide here. It was nice for me when I came over here. I am so unbelievably sorry you are going through this. IF is so unfair. You are a strong and brave and amazing woman my dear.

I am sorry your hubby wants to start again right away, I can't imagine how hard that is. I think he is probably trying to find any way to mask the pain, and he will soon find out that only time will help. I know it is hurtful for you to hear and hopefully he will understand soon. ((hugs))

reb259 · April 2012

I am so sorry for your loss... You are welcome to hang out here and know we will be here to support you both now and when YOU are ready to cycle again.

amethystgrrl · April 2012

Rachel,

I'm so sorry for your losses. Please take the time you need before moving forward, as you know, IVF is stressful enough on its own. Hugs.

mdluv21 · April 2012

Ugh I am so sorry sweetie. DH and I went through the same after I loss the twins. He wanted to try again right away and I was no where close to wanting to cycle again. Then I was feeling more ready and he wasn't because he waited much to longer to start any grieving process. All in all it was 11 months before we both felt physically and emotionally ready to try again. Give yourself time.

I think he will be surprised in the coming weeks/months that he actually needs some time too.

((hugs))

Mrs.McIrish · April 2012

Hugs. Take all the time you need. No one would expect you to get PG if your 2 yr old died. Your trips were real and lived in you for 20 weeks. You don't just get over that. Especially in a few weeks. Speak your heart to DH . Everyone deals with tragedies in different ways. Hugs.

PoeticJustice · April 2012

Mrkyrain:
I think I can speak for everyone on this board, we are always going to be here for you. Big huge hugs.

Huge ((HUGS))

Roxie5739 · April 2012

Bigs hugs. We are here for you. Do what you are comfortable with and I am sure your DH will understand once you can talk it through. (((HUGS)))

Mrs.Voz · April 2012

naybird:
Big hugs, hun. We are here for you.

This! Rachel, you have been in my thoughts and prayers daily and will continue to be.... {{{Huge Hugs}}}

Mrs.Voz · April 2012

naybird:
Big hugs, hun. We are here for you.

This! Rachel, you have been in my thoughts and prayers daily and will continue to be.... {{{Huge Hugs}}}

Mrs.Voz · April 2012

naybird:
Big hugs, hun. We are here for you.

This! Rachel, you have been in my thoughts and prayers daily and will continue to be.... {{{Huge Hugs}}}

XV11Star · April 2012

I am newer to this board but just wanted to say that I am so incredibly sorry that this has happened to you. It's heartbreaking and unthinkable, and I would personally imagine there is no pattern to grief like that. It just will take whatever time and route it will take... and it makes sense that it would be different for you and your husband. I don't know how you feel about therapy but maybe that would be a way for you both to better understand each other and your own feelings around all of this, and in some way move towards peace with it all...?

Huge hugs to you ~

Gregermis · April 2012

(((HUGE HUGS))) I wish you didn't have to hide out here, but of course!!

Mitzi Bishi · April 2012

As always, so many words of wisdom here, but I just wanted to chime in and let you know that we are all thinking of you.

I hope your husband can better understand your grieving and struggles. You've both been through so much.

sarahtoledo · April 2012

I'm newer here, but I'm here for you anyway! You need time and YH needs to understand that. Have you seen a therapist together? It's helped me so much in my struggles.

jessican08 · April 2012

((HUGE HUGS)) to you and your DH.

psychmusetls · April 2012

::huge hugs:: i pray you find peace. your triplets will never be forgotten. we are all here for you whenever you need us.

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