Hello, let me introduce myself first..
For the first 30 years of my life, everything was smooth and worry-free. I was my parents’ most beloved child, found my true love in college, and happily married him after graduation.
At work, I was my boss’s most valued employee. Whenever I was in charge of a project, colleagues would inevitably say, “Oh, then I’m totally at ease.” I was constantly named “Employee of the Year,” with generous bonuses every year.
Later, I started my own business. Within just three months, I had broken into the market and started making money. By the fifth month, I was earning twice my previous salary. Growth was steady month after month. Right when the business needed more hands, I serendipitously met an amazing partner, and the company reached a whole new level.
Really, it seemed like at every step, whatever I needed, a pair of hands would always place it right in front of me, just in time.
My Two Girls: Ellie & Mia
Meet Ellie, My Firstborn
In 2020, my husband and I decided to have a child. After trying for over a year, we finally got the news in 2021 that a little one was on the way. In 2022, we welcomed our first child, Ellie. She made me a mother.
She is utterly adorable—big eyes, rosy skin, chubby little hands. Every time I look at her, I can’t help but give her a kiss. She is pure joy, and I love her more each day.
But as a first-time mom, I faced unprecedented difficulties. The postpartum tearing wouldn’t heal, and the pain was excruciating. Clogged milk ducts made my breasts hard as rocks. The severe sleep deprivation… And what was even more crushing was that, with zero parenting experience, I was clueless when faced with her unexplained wailing, night terrors, refusal to nurse, constipation, diarrhea, fevers… I desperately searched online, longing for one accurate, truly useful answer!
It was during this time that I thought, once I make it through this “dark” path, I must leave a light on for other new moms.
And Then Came Mia
Ellie had just turned one when I got pregnant again. In 2024, we welcomed our second daughter, Mia.
Completely different from Ellie, Mia is a great eater and sleeper. Although she had her fussy moments in the first two months, starting almost from month three, she became super easygoing. She feeds on schedule, gradually sleeps through the night, loves her solid foods, and adapted quickly when I had to stop breastfeeding due to mastitis.
This made me realize just how vastly different babies can be! It made me even more determined to write about my experiences.
Why I Had to Start This Blog
The Catalyst: A Life Pivoted
After Mia was born, my business also began to decline sharply. I had no choice but to close it and become a full-time mom. My work no longer involves Excel and Word, but instead revolves around changing diapers, washing bottles, making baby food, and managing household chores…
This has been a monumental challenge for me. All my past achievements seem irrelevant now. Managing two young children has brought me a sense of frustration I’ve never known before.
The Daily Reality
They are always fighting over things. When one is in my arms, the other immediately demands to be held too. When I try to cook, Ellie wants me to read her a book. When I attempt to load the washing machine, Mia has a diaper blowout, and I must drop everything to change her…
By the time I finish all that, I see the cup of hot coffee on the table has gone cold again. And it’s not until evening that I remember, “Oh my goodness, the clothes are still in the hamper, unwashed!”
Of course, being a mom is filled with happiness, but that doesn’t negate how hard it is.
My Promise to You
Because I’ve walked this path myself, I won’t just tell you how joyful motherhood is, like many websites do. I want to share my real, unfiltered experiences so every new mom can find a “companion” here.
I want to tell you: you are not alone. What you’re going through, I’ve been there too. Your breakdowns, your helplessness, your moments of losing control—I’ve had them all. You don’t need to feel guilty. This is just a small, necessary stretch of the journey for every mom.
My Hope for This Space
I really want to share my parenting experiences—not just the warm, glowing moments, but to honestly document the pitfalls I’ve stumbled into, the tears I’ve shed, and the “survival wisdom” I’ve scraped together in utter exhaustion.
The Goal: A Mom’s Toolkit
I hope this blog becomes a “mom’s toolkit,” filled not with vague theories, but with:
- Practical Tips: Like how to quickly figure out why a baby is crying, tried-and-true methods for dealing with clogged ducts, or how to efficiently manage the daily grind with twins (or two under two) solo.
- Pitfall Avoidance Guides: Sharing the baby products I regret buying the most, and those “game-changer” parenting hacks. Letting you know which parenting anxieties you can let go of, and which principles are worth holding onto.
- A Community for Moms: I hope my stories connect me with more moms like you. We can cheer each other on in the comments, share our own tricks, turning the storms we face alone into a journey we walk together.
The Bigger Vision
My previous career taught me to analyze data, solve problems, and optimize processes. Now, I’m applying all those skills to this new “position” of Mom. I want to prove that a mom’s value is absolutely not confined to the home. The mindset, resilience, and creativity we built in our careers can shine just as brightly—perhaps even brighter—in this more complex, long-term “project” of raising humans, and can even be transformed into a force that helps others.
My hope is simple: that every mom who opens this blog can let out a sigh of relief and say, “So it’s not just me.” Then, she can find a bit of practical info, a dose of comforting solidarity, and return to her sweet, chaotic mom-life with a little more confidence and a little less weight on her shoulders.
This road? Let’s walk it together.
mdotm0904
member
Re: does it get easier?
Your X doesn't need to know you're seeing a therapist...and I strongly, strongly urge you to expore that avenue. If anything, it would show that you're commited to ensuring your mental health is taken care of so you can be an awesome mother.
And the short answer to your question about being away from your LO? Yes, it does get easier. I promise.
Seeking therapy does not make you an unfit mother, so don't let that thought pop into your head. I understand about the custody battle starting even before baby is born. It totally sucks. Your torn between your desire to have BD in LO's life, and your maternal instincts to go on lock down mode. Not all stated are equal, but it is VERY rare for joint custody to happen with a small child. More and more areas are moving toward sole physical and joint legal being better.
It DOES get easier. After 12 years of just me and DD, her first visits alone with her father were really hard. It was only for a few hours at a time, but it dragged horribly.I was so sad and had to find ways to distract myself while she was gone. I tried to remember that it's better for her to have both parents in her life than just me. But, I was always secretly glad when she'd come home and give me a hug...and say that she missed me.
Yeah today's visit was so heartbreaking for me. She was fine during hand off, but then as soon as he started to buckle her into the car she started wailing! I was back in my house and could hear her. It hurt so bad that she was so upset and there wasn't anything I could do to comfort her. I was going to go shopping or to a movie while she was gone (3hrs) but couldn't make it out of the house. I hung out with my mom though and we just chatted and watched tv so it was semi distracting. When she came back her nose and eyes were so crusty that i knew she was crying for a long time. When he was taking her out of the car she started crying again but as soon as she saw me she was all smiles. She was fine all evening, laughing and playing like normal, but still made me kinda sad. So hopefully Wednesday's visit will be better for her. His other kids were there today, but it'll just be him and her on Wed (or whoever else he decides to take her around, I'm sure he wants to show her off *scoff*)
This may be a state by state issue, because our paperwork did ask if you had seen a mental health professional, who, when, for what, etc. I do not think it would count against you and may actually be a plus since it shows you have the good sense to address your frustrations and anxiety with a professional in order to be a more present mommy. Court is a stressful situation, and I think judges are likely to be pro-counseling in order to help make stress less at home. I don't know, I just don't want it to be assumed that your X/the court doesn't have the right to know about it because it may be required to be disclosed. Though like I said, it may be a bad thing in the eyes of the court and it absolutely is a good thing to help you.
Good luck!