does it get easier?
mdotm0904
member
So for 7 months i've been the sole caretaker of my DD. she hasn't spent a night away, and aside from daycare everyday she's always with me unless i have to run a quick errand and i'll leave her with my mom. maybe it's my fault for being so attached to her. Tomorrow she'll be going on her first unsupervised visit with her dad who hasn't seen her since January. It's only 3hours but i'm already so sad about it. i knew the time would come that i'd have to "share" her, but still there's nothing to mentally prepare you for it. It's a temporary visitation order so he'll have her every Wed & every sunday for 3hours at least until we go back to court next month. Does it get easier having to share custody? Is it just so hard for me right now because she's so young?
OAN: I've been dealing with this custody BS since before she was born and people are surprised I'm holding up so well. After going to court yesterday though I'm so angry & depressed and have a lot inside I need to get out. Sure I can vent to friends but all they say is "wow, that must suck. I'm sorry". I think i really need to see a professional but I'm nervous that he'll try to use that against me in trial. Because even though he wants to "work it out ourselves" I know that we're going to end up in trial. My lawyer thinks it's in our best interests to not settle and take it all the way. Under normal circumstances It'd be ideal to work it out ourselves but our situation is far from normal. I mean this guy is certifiable and since i'm not a bad mother by any means he has to find whatever he can to prove his point of why he needs 50/50.
i'm rambling...sorry. just wanted to know there's a light at the end of this tunnel eventually.
Re: does it get easier?
Your X doesn't need to know you're seeing a therapist...and I strongly, strongly urge you to expore that avenue. If anything, it would show that you're commited to ensuring your mental health is taken care of so you can be an awesome mother.
And the short answer to your question about being away from your LO? Yes, it does get easier. I promise.
Seeking therapy does not make you an unfit mother, so don't let that thought pop into your head. I understand about the custody battle starting even before baby is born. It totally sucks. Your torn between your desire to have BD in LO's life, and your maternal instincts to go on lock down mode. Not all stated are equal, but it is VERY rare for joint custody to happen with a small child. More and more areas are moving toward sole physical and joint legal being better.
It DOES get easier. After 12 years of just me and DD, her first visits alone with her father were really hard. It was only for a few hours at a time, but it dragged horribly.I was so sad and had to find ways to distract myself while she was gone. I tried to remember that it's better for her to have both parents in her life than just me. But, I was always secretly glad when she'd come home and give me a hug...and say that she missed me.
Yeah today's visit was so heartbreaking for me. She was fine during hand off, but then as soon as he started to buckle her into the car she started wailing! I was back in my house and could hear her. It hurt so bad that she was so upset and there wasn't anything I could do to comfort her. I was going to go shopping or to a movie while she was gone (3hrs) but couldn't make it out of the house. I hung out with my mom though and we just chatted and watched tv so it was semi distracting. When she came back her nose and eyes were so crusty that i knew she was crying for a long time. When he was taking her out of the car she started crying again but as soon as she saw me she was all smiles. She was fine all evening, laughing and playing like normal, but still made me kinda sad. So hopefully Wednesday's visit will be better for her. His other kids were there today, but it'll just be him and her on Wed (or whoever else he decides to take her around, I'm sure he wants to show her off *scoff*)
This may be a state by state issue, because our paperwork did ask if you had seen a mental health professional, who, when, for what, etc. I do not think it would count against you and may actually be a plus since it shows you have the good sense to address your frustrations and anxiety with a professional in order to be a more present mommy. Court is a stressful situation, and I think judges are likely to be pro-counseling in order to help make stress less at home. I don't know, I just don't want it to be assumed that your X/the court doesn't have the right to know about it because it may be required to be disclosed. Though like I said, it may be a bad thing in the eyes of the court and it absolutely is a good thing to help you.
Good luck!