So I e-mailed the mom about the issues because I wanted to give her time to think about it and figure out how she wanted to handle it. I basically told her in the e-mail that these are the issues I'm having and we need to talk about it, but I didn't want to bring it up in front of the kids. So she called me a few hours later to say that she replied with "I'll talk to him about it." and that she and I would talk about it. So I dropped the kids off with her at a restaurant last night. This morning, she told me that she talked to him about it and the problem is that he doesn't want to do his homework right after school, so he doesn't have to start it until 4:20. But he needs to get it done before practice. I told her that I have him start it right away because he won't have time to finish it if he doesn't, and she said that he needs cooldown time. Then she said that he hits the little one because he intentionally pesters him and I should keep him from pestering S. This was in front of the kids, btw. Then she told S, "You have to be more polite and do what she tells you because she is only telling you to do things that I told her need to be done."
IMO, this completely defeats the purpose of talking to her. Not only did I not get a chance to talk to her alone (despite the fact that I offered to stay after and talk when she got home or talk to her before the kids woke up), but she told him that I am essentially an enforcer of Mommy's rules and therefore have no authority of my own. I was just generally like, wtf? And the hitting thing -- S hits his brother all the time, it has nothing to do with whether or not he is being a "pest". And, IMO, you can't hit someone just because they're being annoying and this is not a good lesson to be teaching them.
As I was getting S on the bus, I told him to zip his coat and he said, "I don't have to, Mommy didn't tell you to tell me that."
So I just decided to quit. We are going on vacation tomorrow (to different places, not together, lol), so I won't see them all next week. I am just going to start looking for a new job and when I find one, I will just e-mail her and say, "This situation is no longer working for me and I will need to find a new job. I can continue to babysit until you find a new sitter or 2 weeks from now."
Is that an okay thing to do? Or is 2 weeks too much time? I don't want to be an asshat and leave them with no one to watch their kids when they have work the next day, but I am also not thrilled about working for an additional 2 weeks.