Update on 9 y/o situation — The Bump
School-Aged Children

Update on 9 y/o situation

So I e-mailed the mom about the issues because I wanted to give her time to think about it and figure out how she wanted to handle it. I basically told her in the e-mail that these are the issues I'm having and we need to talk about it, but I didn't want to bring it up in front of the kids. So she called me a few hours later to say that she replied with "I'll talk to him about it." and that she and I would talk about it. So I dropped the kids off with her at a restaurant last night. This morning, she told me that she talked to him about it and the problem is that he doesn't want to do his homework right after school, so he doesn't have to start it until 4:20. But he needs to get it done before practice. I told her that I have him start it right away because he won't have time to finish it if he doesn't, and she said that he needs cooldown time. Then she said that he hits the little one because he intentionally pesters him and I should keep him from pestering S. This was in front of the kids, btw. Then she told S, "You have to be more polite and do what she tells you because she is only telling you to do things that I told her need to be done."

IMO, this completely defeats the purpose of talking to her. Not only did I not get a chance to talk to her alone (despite the fact that I offered to stay after and talk when she got home or talk to her before the kids woke up), but she told him that I am essentially an enforcer of Mommy's rules and therefore have no authority of my own. I was just generally like, wtf? And the hitting thing -- S hits his brother all the time, it has nothing to do with whether or not he is being a "pest". And, IMO, you can't hit someone just because they're being annoying and this is not a good lesson to be teaching them.

As I was getting S on the bus, I told him to zip his coat and he said, "I don't have to, Mommy didn't tell you to tell me that."

So I just decided to quit. We are going on vacation tomorrow (to different places, not together, lol), so I won't see them all next week. I am just going to start looking for a new job and when I find one, I will just e-mail her and say, "This situation is no longer working for me and I will need to find a new job. I can continue to babysit until you find a new sitter or 2 weeks from now."

Is that an okay thing to do? Or is 2 weeks too much time? I don't want to be an asshat and leave them with no one to watch their kids when they have work the next day, but I am also not thrilled about working for an additional 2 weeks.

Re: Update on 9 y/o situation

  • I would find another job and give your 2 weeks notice saying that you're leaving for another opportunity.  I think that if you tell them you're leaving b/c the situation isn't working for you that it will be a difficult 2 weeks.  If she asks why you're leaving, I might tell her on your last day. 
    DS1 age 7, DD age 5 and DS2 born 4/3/12
  • imageshouldbworkin:
    I would find another job and give your 2 weeks notice saying that you're leaving for another opportunity.  I think that if you tell them you're leaving b/c the situation isn't working for you that it will be a difficult 2 weeks.  If she asks why you're leaving, I might tell her on your last day. 

    This.

    She's just destroyed any authority you might have had over the 9 y/o.  You know it.  He knows it.  There are plenty of families out there who need a skilled nanny like you! 

    High School English teacher and mom of 2 kids:

    DD, born 9/06/00 -- 12th grade
    DS, born 8/25/04 -- 7th grade
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  • Thanks, ladies. When I interviewed with them, she did make a point that she wanted someone who was planning to be long term since they have a problem with turnover (that should have been a red flag, but hindsight is 20/20). So I feel kind of rude only a few months later telling her I found another job. Gah, I think this is going to be awkward no matter what.

     

    Should I talk to her in person or just send her an e-mail letting her know?

  • imageMinipenguin:

    Thanks, ladies. When I interviewed with them, she did make a point that she wanted someone who was planning to be long term since they have a problem with turnover (that should have been a red flag, but hindsight is 20/20). So I feel kind of rude only a few months later telling her I found another job. Gah, I think this is going to be awkward no matter what.

     

    Should I talk to her in person or just send her an e-mail letting her know?

    I think you should tell her in person and be prepared to let her know why, but gently.   You may need her as a reference at some point and while you're going to be explaining to families why you were there such short time anyway you still don't want her to go crazy saying negative things about you either.  I think it's good to give them two weeks but I'd be prepared for her to flip and terminate you too.  Only you can really know if she'll be really angry and be willing to stay home/make other arrangments or if she'll handle the two weeks decently.  I bet you find a new and much better job soon.  I feel absolutely horrible for that 2nd child, oh it's your fault you get hit all the time because you suck......both those kids are going to be fvcked up.

  • Why don't you just tell her that her "talk" didn't work and the 9 yo is not respecting you and that her approach is a big part of the problem?

    It just seems like a lot of extra work to find a whole new nanny job with a whole new family (with their problems) than to try to solve this problem. Especially since establishing your authority in a REAL way seems like something the mother can fix.

    My darling daughter just turned 4 years old.
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