Bringing siblings to birthday parties?

Jen&Len · April 2012

I know I still have a lot of time, but I'm starting to think about planning DS's birthday party in the Fall. Our school's policy is that I have to invite the entire class. I don't have a problem with that. But I've been noticing from his classmates' birthday parties, that some families consistently bring the entire family to birthday parties. I'd understand if one parent had to work and the other had to bring all the kids because she couldn't find child care. But it's mom, dad, and all 2-3 kids...sometimes even grandma.

Most of the places I've been looking at has a limit as to how many children are allowed. If the kids in class came with siblings, I don't think I'd even have room to invite the kids of family and friends. I really don't want to have to throw 2 separate parties.

Has anyone come across this issue? How did you address it?

Mrs.JLC · April 2012

DH and I are discussing this now. We both have large families. We just did a guest list and it is ridiculous. We are trying to decide if we are going to do one small party for immediate family and then a friend's from school party or if we are just going to bite the bullet and rent out an indoor playground in our area. Good luck to you.

Littlejen22 · April 2012

As they maybe family friends? If not that is VERy rude, I could not afford that.

LoCarb · April 2012

If you're having a wknd party I would suggest to avoid mid-day b/c of the reasons previously identified w/ running errands,etc...Also, maybe include to RSVP please b/c space is limited. I'm sure there is a less tacky approach to the wording.

Jen&Len · April 2012

I guess they could be family friends...but from the way I've heard them speak to each other at drop off/pick up, it didn't seem that way (asking very basic getting to know you type questions).

For us, having our family would be more important than his classmates. I guess we could just do a separate thing for family. The previous family "parties" weren't really parties per se, just a gathering for dinner at the house. I just baked a cake and the grandparents cooked. No party bags or anything, so it wouldn't be too stressful. It's just hard for DH and I to find two free days to throw two parties since we work opposite days.

shopgirl78 · April 2012

I don't know how to tackfully address it (maybe some wording on the invite~ due to a limited # of spots, classmates only) but unless these are also family/close friends of the birthday boy/girl, then its rude to bring everyone. I rarely have a sitter but MH and I usually work it out for our invited kid to attend a classmates party alone.

Now, DD's BFF is in her class and has been for 2 years, both times her father has invited our whole family. I hope it didn't look like to the outside we were crashing the party : )

luvmagoldn · April 2012

The place where we had the twins' party had a package that included a minimum of 24 kids (which seemed like a HUGE number to me by the way). If you had more children show you paid $5 extra per child. Since we had a separate family party and there are only 14 kids in the class I put on the invitation that siblings were welcome.

But, I have not brought my LO to parties unless he was specifically included by the hosts. I would never assume that would be ok - plus I want the older boys to enjoy their friends without their little brother in tow from time to time.

But honestly, I don't know how to address it. I sent out an evite where you had to include the number of children and adults attending. If you did it that way and saw someone had 5 on their RSVP, you could contact them directly and let them know you just don't have the space? I dunno. It's tough. And people should know better! Tongue Tied

akayf · April 2012

I'm sorry but bringing along a sibling is just rude. Now all the parties we have been to so far have been for family friends so we all go. But if D gets an invite from a school friend, A will be staying home. You would think people would know that you don't just bring the whole family along. But these are most likely the same people who will bring their uninvited kids to a wedding.

I'm sorry but I don't know how you can word it on your invite that no siblings allowed. People should know better, especially when the party is at a party place that charges per kid. Are you semi friendly with any of the parents? When they call to RSVP, maybe you can nicely say that space is limited and unfortunately you don't have room for siblings? And if they think you're being rude, well they are being just as rude for assuming the entire family can come. Whatever happened to manners and realizing that only the person named on the invite is the one who is invited to the party!!!!!

jlw2505 · April 2012

The only times I have had to bring my other child to a party and the invite did not say both kids or the whole family - I always asked in advanced if it was OK, offered to pay, etc. It has only come up a few times (often both of my girls have both been invited to parties until more recently when DD started PreK). I always word my invite to make it very clear, especially at places where I pay per child. I make sure that only the invited childs name in on the invite and when inviting the whole family - I always state that I need to know how many adults/kids will be attending. The only time someone showed up with a sibling that I was not aware of, they offered to pay for their child right away (I had extra room so told them there was no need) but it was not an issue. If space was an issue and someone showed up with extra kids, I would just explain nicely that sorry, but we are at the max number with just the invited kids so the sibling can not particpate.

JillAly · April 2012

I've been dealing with this a lot and while it's a pain, I make it work. It's a pain because I live in the suburbs now but my kids to daycare in the city so all the parties are in the city and if I have both kids with me, I have to figure out what to do with the other kid while I take one kid to a party.. I've been told in email invites "one parent, one kid" because of a lack of space, I've been told "it's specifically for 1-2 year olds so no older kids" etc.

This is what I realized. Some parents are considerate and will make the whole day revolve around the party so they schedule other stuff for another child. Other parents are just going to do whatever is easiest for them.

Remember how people acted when you were getting married- some people never RSVP'd? Some people showed up with extra guests? Some who RSVP'd yes never bothered to show up? Those people are now the people going to birthday parties! The event changes; people don't!

Sawyerplus1 · April 2012

I can't even address your specific question, b/c I can't get over the fact that your school has a POLICY on having to invite the whole class. That, IMO, is ABSURD. My kids would never have birthday parties if that were the case. Also, and I know you said you didn't have a problem the policy, so this is more theoretical, but what could the school possibly do to you if you had a small party with LOs closest friends?!

Anyway, good luck!

angelakh · April 2012

Sawyerplus1:
I can't even address your specific question, b/c I can't get over the fact that your school has a POLICY on having to invite the whole class. That, IMO, is ABSURD. My kids would never have birthday parties if that were the case. Also, and I know you said you didn't have a problem the policy, so this is more theoretical, but what could the school possibly do to you if you had a small party with LOs closest friends?!
Anyway, good luck!

I can't speak for the op, but our school has a policy that if you bring the invites to school to be passed out then you have to invite everyone. You can use the directory and just mail a few select invites if you choose.

franciscaz · April 2012

Both DH and I work a whole lot and weekends are technically difficult to coordinate. When I can just drop a child off at a party I won't mind an invitation that is just for the child. If only one child and one parent is welcome though, we decline the invites. It's not workable for us. Also our time (all 5 of us) together is very limited so if we are together than we like to stay together b/c during the week it is rare we are all together (before the accident on a normal weeknight we interact all together for maybe an hour so the weekend is pretty important to try and do activities as a family between work, errands, sports, and church).

This is why when we have parties we always do invite entire families. We do our parties at home, that way there is no RSVP drama and it doesn't become costly if the list swells. When the kids are older and parents do drop offs and things like that we might do new things like Chucky Cheese... We might not though b/c honestly it has become a lot of fun having everyone. Getting to knpw parents, having siblings of different ages around, getting to invite everyone. It is a joke b/c I'm Puerto Rican and so life has always been, come one come all! I guess I inherited it.

Jen&Len · April 2012

angelakh:
Sawyerplus1:
I can't even address your specific question, b/c I can't get over the fact that your school has a POLICY on having to invite the whole class. That, IMO, is ABSURD. My kids would never have birthday parties if that were the case. Also, and I know you said you didn't have a problem the policy, so this is more theoretical, but what could the school possibly do to you if you had a small party with LOs closest friends?!
Anyway, good luck!
I can't speak for the op, but our school has a policy that if you bring the invites to school to be passed out then you have to invite everyone. You can use the directory and just mail a few select invites if you choose.

Hmmm...I wonder if this is what our policy meant. I didn't even think of it that way. I should find out. That would solve everything!

JillAly · April 2012

franciscaz:

It is a joke b/c I'm Puerto Rican and so life has always been, come one come all! I guess I inherited it.

My paralegal is Puerto Rican and we have girls who are one month apart. His birthday parties are the best! I love meeting his entire extended family, and the come one, come all attitude. It's a great "trait" to inherit! They're always so happy to be around one another and the milliion kids that are there are always fun to watch.

livinitup · April 2012

There are a couple of party places in our area that let you register groups (with all of the bells and whistles of a party) in advance, but also have an open-play area for the public. Folks sign-in their kids for the party and sign-in their other children for the open-play (and pay that fee). Parents hang-out and all the kiddos have a good time.

But I've heard of parents bringing siblings and cousins(!) to parties with no compensation to hosting parents. Totally RUDE.

Sharon&Paul · April 2012

We just had to deal with this issue. My 3.5 got an invitation for a party on a Thursday afternoon. My problem is I have a 1 year old.too. The party is at an indoor bounce house. I am willing to sit out in the waiting room with my 1 year old, but then i can not supervise my 3.5 year old. I am not going to pay my babysitter $15/hr to watch my 1 year old so my daughter can go to this kid's party. So in the end I decided this party does not work for our family and RSVP "no".

You have every right to invite whoever you want, but also realize the situation many parents are in with more than one child.

Topi-Jan · April 2012

Jen&Len:
angelakh:
Sawyerplus1:
I can't even address your specific question, b/c I can't get over the fact that your school has a POLICY on having to invite the whole class. That, IMO, is ABSURD. My kids would never have birthday parties if that were the case. Also, and I know you said you didn't have a problem the policy, so this is more theoretical, but what could the school possibly do to you if you had a small party with LOs closest friends?!
Anyway, good luck!
I can't speak for the op, but our school has a policy that if you bring the invites to school to be passed out then you have to invite everyone. You can use the directory and just mail a few select invites if you choose.
Hmmm...I wonder if this is what our policy meant. I didn't even think of it that way. I should find out. That would solve everything!

Our school has the same policy. I just sent out invitations to the students I see DS with the most or hear him talk about the most. Our birthday party happened right when he switched rooms, so I didn't want to invite the whole class of new students we didn't know. I also checked with his teacher to make sure I hadn't left anyone that he would miss off of the list.

A lot kids have siblings in other classes at our school so with the reduced number of actual invitees I was able to count the siblings in with no problem. The reality is that he's had lots of interaction with these siblings, sometimes more than his actual classmates, so it was important to me to have everyone there. Also, my boys are 15 months apart so everyone automatically includes both of them on birthday invites, so I always extend the same courtesy. If the birthday party is at a "place" (not a home), though, I always double check to make sure they have enough room for my other son.

UsedToBeGoldie · April 2012

i can't imagine anyone in my kid's daycare bringing their other kids- unless they asked or were told to bring them.

i have brought the twins when they were BABIES to parties- like, sitting in a stroller and not eating, etc --- but once they got mobile and would have had to be paid for- no way would i think of bringing them to a party that Griffin was invited to - unless the parent specifically told me to.... i have never asked to do it (and can't think of a reason I would).

it's never been a problem with our school friend parties.

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