Community› The Bump Message Boards› Blended Families
Blended Families
New Discussion

Court Ordered Counseling

KristenFMRKristenFMR member
in Blended Families

We are in the middle of yet another court case where the BM wants more money and is making false allegations again to go about getting the money.  I am really at the end of my rope with the situation.  I am fairly certain they will order counseling for my husband and his ex wife.  I have told my husband in the past I would like to attend the counseling b/c a lot of the issues the BM has are with me (jealousy and control issues).  However BM refuses to accept my existence and does not want me to be involved in anything and refuses for her husband to be there as well.  I think that is because she lies to him about what goes on and he would probably find out some very disturbing things about her behavior in counseling. 

Has anyone had to go through this where their spouse attended counseling with the ex.  It makes me very very uncomfotable for them to attend counseling without me present because she is such a manipulative person and I don't feel that I will be represented correctly.  Any advise?

Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
Report Reply to Post

Re: Court Ordered Counseling

  • SigirSigir member

    I have never been in court ordered counseling, and have actually been wondering recently if it might help me with my exh.  But that's another subject.

    I think in these types of sessions, the mediator or councilor works to help the ex-es work together better, and maybe points out negative patterns of behavior.  I don't see how you would come up, except if BM says "I hate Kristen!" and the councilor would probably shut down and re-direct the conversation, unless what the BM is saying has some merit.  Without knowing the details of your situation, I don't know if whatever has happened between the two of you does merit discussion or not.  

    I guess I am just confused about what your concern is.  What you mean by "he would probably find out some very disturbing things about her behavior in counseling."  Are there things that you know, and your dh does not know?  If so, that does not seem healthy.

    What do you mean by "I don't feel that I will be represented correctly"? I would think your dh would stand up for you if you come up, if things have not been hidden from him.


    Report Reply
  • Loading the player...
  • socloudy99socloudy99 member

    DH went with BM and SD which was about a whole lot of nothing including the infamous milkshake. I was not invited and BM/SD requested DH not even discuss the sessions with me. It really hurt my feelings.

    The good thing was the doctor was able to tell BM/SD they were controlling and manipulating without being mean or them becoming defensive. She was really good at her job. As they mended things with DH/BM/SD the doctor recommended sessions with me and DH's other DD (also my SD). Since the doctor recommended it not DH they thought it was a great idea.

    Let them start without you. Trust your DH will represent both of you in the manner you should be. Remember you may be asked to join later if the discussion keeps revolving around you.

    Report Reply
  • KristenFMRKristenFMR member

    "he would probably find out some very disturbing things about her behavior in counseling." 

    I made that statement in reference to the BM's husband.  Our lawyers suggested we all go to counseling and she flat out refused to let her husband attend.  I am guessing it's because she lies to him about what really goes on, and she doesn't want him to find out what a wack job she is

    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
    Report Reply
  • AmberMH08AmberMH08

    when you go to court ask that all parents in the childs life be involved in couseling because it would be the best for the child to see you all working to make the childs life better...Since all 4 of you are raising the child its only fair that you all have to do it no matter who gave birth to them... maybe at least u will get a few joint conseling sessions with all parents put in place :) goodluck court sucks

     

    image baby Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
    Report Reply
  • emikatemikat member
    We have all gone to the same counselor in various attendance:  DH and BM with and without me, DH or me alone.  I have no idea if BM has been there on her own, but I don't think so.  This wasn't court ordered.  But sometimes it helps some.  Her live in boyfriend has been invited several times but has never showed up.  We do think it's important for all parental figures to be at most of these meetings depending on the topic being discussed. 
    image




    TTC 10/11. IUI 2/12. BFP 3/8/12. 4/26/12 missed mc. RE consult 5/17/12. IVF #1 ER 7/13/12 53R, 41M ICSIed, 32F, 8 5d, 6 6d blasts - all PGD/frozen. PGD results 1 normal M and 1 normal F, 1 maybe M. FET 9/6, transferred 1 F embie. Beta 9/15 BFN. FET#2 planned for 11/2012 put off until 2013. Surprise BFP 11/21/12!! My son was born on 7/24/13!

    FET 4/28/2015 - Transferred 1 M embie. 5/6/15 BFP!

    Report Reply
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards
"
"