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"being there" for LO

3003girl3003girl member
in Attachment Parenting

(also posted on FB)

I'd like your insight on a balance/work/sleep/being there for LO issue:

LO is finally nightweaned and we are trying to get her to STTN. Dh has been sleeping with her for 4 nights now, and it is getting better. I nurse her, then hand her off to DH so he can read to her and she goes to sleep. He says she still wakes up a few times a night, says "momma" looks over at him then goes back to sleep. I nurse her in the morning, around 7am. She wakes up with him and calls out for me and wants to nurse. 

I also work full time from home. DH watches her and we have a part time nanny. LO often comes to my office to show me things or ask me to play. There is a lot of "Not now, momma is working." Or "You can't go in there, momma is working" Or I will play with her for a few minutes or nurse her, then I have to "go back to work." 

I feel bad that she is calling to me both during the night and during the day, and I am "not there for her." It's kind of eating me up right now. 

Am I overreacting or being silly or sentimental? I don't want her to think that I have better things to do than be with her, and I try to be present when I have time with her - ie spend quality time without distractions.

Lilypie Second Birthday tickers

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Re: "being there" for LO

  • lanie30lanie30 member

    I think you're seeing it more than someone who puts their LO in daycare. Jo's been in daycare since 5 months for 9 - 10 hours a day.

    I think it may actually help you to keep your office door closed at all times during your work time. It can be difficult to set those boundaries and be firm about when you need to work if she keeps being allowed in to nurse and cuddle. Having specific times for this may help her learn and be better for you in the long run.

    It will also play with your heart. I tried to "drop by" and nurse for the first few months. Yeah that didn't work at all. she got all worked up and mad as  a hatter when I left and I felt like a jerk.

    So I stopped. I didn't feel like I wasn't there for her. I felt like I was giving her a chance at having a good day while I wasn't there. 

    image Josephine is 4.
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  • belladonna11307belladonna11307 member
    I don't think you're over-reacting, your feelings are true.  But it sounds like you are there for LO.  A lot.  I agree with PP, think about it more as LO is in daycare while you're working.  Schedule your work breaks and spend that time with her, but know that when you're "at work" you are at work.  It sounds like when you are working LO is well cared for and loved.  It won't be easy, but eventually you will all get used to the situation.  Good luck!
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  • 3003girl3003girl member
    imagelanie30:

    It will also play with your heart. I tried to "drop by" and nurse for the first few months. Yeah that didn't work at all. she got all worked up and mad as  a hatter when I left and I felt like a jerk.

    So I stopped. I didn't feel like I wasn't there for her. I felt like I was giving her a chance at having a good day while I wasn't there. 

    This is a great way to think about it. I actually prefer it when DH takes her out for the day because I know they have a great time, and I am not around to "ruin" it for them. I totally feel like a jerk if LO sees me, we spend time together, and then she cries when I have to leave. 

    It's hard because we live in an open space - so there is no door to my office. I have just recently taken over the loft (which is where we all used to sleep), so there are at least stairs separating us.  It just sucks when DH is busy and LO runs to the stairs and starts climbing them calling out to me.  But I think I will get a baby gate or something to create more of a barrier. It is a good idea to totally separate myself from her during the work day. Most of the time it is out of sight/out of mind. I think it's just been bothering me more because of the nightweaning and change in sleeping arrangements to get her to STTN. It's like a double whammy. 

    Thanks everyone for the input.  

    Lilypie Second Birthday tickers

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  • lanie30lanie30 member
    imagesolidio:
    imagelanie30:

    It will also play with your heart. I tried to "drop by" and nurse for the first few months. Yeah that didn't work at all. she got all worked up and mad as  a hatter when I left and I felt like a jerk.

    So I stopped. I didn't feel like I wasn't there for her. I felt like I was giving her a chance at having a good day while I wasn't there. 

    This is a great way to think about it. I actually prefer it when DH takes her out for the day because I know they have a great time, and I am not around to "ruin" it for them. I totally feel like a jerk if LO sees me, we spend time together, and then she cries when I have to leave. 

    It's hard because we live in an open space - so there is no door to my office. I have just recently taken over the loft (which is where we all used to sleep), so there are at least stairs separating us.  It just sucks when DH is busy and LO runs to the stairs and starts climbing them calling out to me.  But I think I will get a baby gate or something to create more of a barrier. It is a good idea to totally separate myself from her during the work day. Most of the time it is out of sight/out of mind. I think it's just been bothering me more because of the nightweaning and change in sleeping arrangements to get her to STTN. It's like a double whammy. 

    Thanks everyone for the input.  

    Baby gate and some of those noise cancelling headphones so you can focus on your work. They work REALLY well and your husband can always get your attention if he absolutely needs you.

    YOu need to focus on your work so you can get it done in enough time to spend a chunk of quality time with the little one.

    Good luck to you!

    image Josephine is 4.
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