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newsflash: having a baby strains your relationship with DH

jenerallyjenerally member
in 2nd Trimester

Movies portray having a baby as bringing a couple closer together (in general, stereotyping here, 'cause I can think of one or two that this was NOT the case for).

But your relationship will undergo a subtle shift ... and sometime within the first year, perhaps right away, perhaps after 6 weeks, perhaps 9 months later ... you'll find yourselves arguing and struggling, just a bit.

Keep open communication, ask for help when you need it, and know that if you can get through it, you will have a stronger relationship once you are past the ugly bits.

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Re: newsflash: having a baby strains your relationship with DH

  • TexasLadyBugTexasLadyBug
    image?Great advice, key word Communication. Let your spouse know how you are feeling most likely they are feeling the same way and you can work on it together. If not then with telling him/her that person can be you support.?
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  • Sarahb34743Sarahb34743
    Yeah FI and I went to counseling and they gave us tips on how to communicate to one another. Before I went I almost thought it was pointless because, DUH! we talk all the time but, sometimes you have to know HOW to speak to people in order for them to register what you're saying.
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  • JasonsLyricJasonsLyric
    I think pregnancy can strain a marriage too. Thanks for the sound advice.
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  • JamieNIanJamieNIan
    Dh and I are already experiencing some issues. He compares my symptoms and pregnancy to his ex's all the time.  He doesn't understand that each is different and each person will expereience different things.  I, for one, have HORRIBLE mood swings and am crazy hormonal, exhaustion and nausea.  Apparently the ex was gifted by not having these symptoms.  He tells me, mostly when he's lazy, that I am just milking this pregnancy.  It gets me soo upset.
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  • mrs.m-skimrs.m-ski

    imageJasonsLyric:
    I think pregnancy can strain a marriage too. Thanks for the sound advice.

    VERY true....at least it has been for mine.

     

    There seems to be a "honeymoon period" with the baby though. Research (from what I remember from my classes in college) says that for the first 6 weeks or so, everything is great, but then things go downhill for a while. I have to remind myself sometimes that we are at the lowest point of satisfaction that most couples have in their marriage. Once we get through some of this, it should (in theory) start to get easier...

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  • hula_lulahula_lula

    Amen! I never imagined how difficult it could be on our marriage in the first few months, especially.

    We're kind of  back to "Us" now but that first year was rough at times.

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  • DaisyAdairDaisyAdair

    I think we sort of lucked out since we struggled with IF for 3yrs.  THAT kills many marriages on it's own.  So, when the baby arrived, it wasn't like things were all magic, all the time, but we had already dealt with so much strife, we became pros at riding out the hard parts.

    With my 1st, it was her not wanting to sleep until 11pm.  Well, that doesn't leave much time for US (really, by 11pm, we all just wanted to sleep).  We were like roommates and I got REALLY angry.  We resorted to CIO and she's been going to bed at 8:30pm every since.  So, we had our US time back and that made a huge difference. 

    When #2 came along, he started treating me like a roommate again.  Finally, when she was about 4wks, I confronted him and told him I refuse to live in a sexless, affectionless marriage.  I'm not the nanny who happens to sleep here and, if this is how it's going to be, I'm leaving.  I can find a roommate and not deal with the marriage hassles.

    Wake up call! 

    So, yeah, communication is THE best thing people can do.  I could have sat around and festered with my unhappiness for months.  But, why?  So, I just came out with it, told him this wasn't a marriage, and said things had to change.  Turns out, he felt the same way, but didn't want to say anything because I had been struggling with PPD (he didn't want to say, gee, hun, I know you're having problems, but can we maybe have some sex?).  Which is great of him. 

    Now, come hell or high water, we have our US time.  That would explain the consecutive pregnancies, I guess!  (I was on the pill though....,but anyway....). 

     

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