Infertility Veterans

For some reason, it is really bugging me again today...

Seems that there has been a flurry of BPF's today on other boards and whilst I am SOOO happy for them, I am SOOOO sad and insanely jealous that it is not me!!! Call me a Debbie Downer or just plain selfish, but for some reason it is just really bugging me today.

I think I just need to leave the office soon and see DH and the puppy to brighten my spirits.

Multiple ectopics, 2 failed IVF's
IVF #1: Did not get to ET, embies all failed PGD (major chromosomal defects)
IVF #2: We have 2 chromosomally perfect embies as a result of PGD (Boy/Girl) 1 failed the thaw (Girl) Transferred 1, yet ended as a c/p
Thought it was the end of our TTC Journey 6/20/2012
SHOCK BFP 9/28/2012: IT'S A BOY! and everything is normal !!!!!!

Little A born 38w 2d on 05/23/13 and is a true miracle for this IF Vet!
 

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Re: For some reason, it is really bugging me again today...

  • I hear ya on that... I feel like I was the only one with another  BFN while all the other Lucky clovers were really the lucky ones... happy for others, but definitely feeling bad for myself.

    I need some all-around luck in life...I've had a bad streak latelyCrying

    Thankfully I have a dog to brighten my spirits too (((HUGS)))

    Anniversary
    TTC #1 since 3/10:
    DX: Me-PCOS, retroverted/ tilted ute - DH- MFI, DH-4 mo of Clomid therapy= no improvement. Weekly HCG injections.
    Me-34, DH-33
    HSG- unsuccessful, SHSG (dialated)-no blockages
    7/11-Clomid (unmonitored) BFN,
    #1 Fresh IVF 9/11: w/ ICSI & AH (only option): (1 transfered, 8BF) = BFN!!
    #2 FET: 2 transferred (2 6BF) 12/11 = BFFN!!
    Surprise + HPT on break! 2/12 Beta 1: 6 Beta 2: <5 = c/p ( RE had given me provera... So pretty sure this ruined everything)<BR> #3 Fresh IVF 3/12: w/ ICSI & AH (2 transfered 8BF & 7BF, 1 to freeze) = BFMFN!
    New RE 5/12
    6/14 Hysteroscopy
    #4 Fresh IVF 8/12: 5dt of 2 5AB blasts = BFN!... what else is new?!?
    New RE insists its a transfer issue, immunology checked & good
    #5 IVF FET 1/13 under anesthesia : Two 5 day blasts transferred
    + HPT!! Beta1: 2315 Beta2: 6442 Beta3: 31,061
    First u/s 1/30/13: Shows 1 healthy heartbeat!!

    Was he was right? I wasted 4 IVF's and the doctors were not getting the catheter in?!?
    ~~ Bump Bestie/ IRL Lynn0926 ~~
    BabyFruit Ticker
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  • imageRoxie5739:

    Seems that there has been a flurry of BPF's today on other boards and whilst I am SOOO happy for them, I am SOOOO sad and insanely jealous that it is not me!!! Call me a Debbie Downer or just plain selfish, but for some reason it is just really bugging me today.

    I think I just need to leave the office soon and see DH and the puppy to brighten my spirits.

    I feel the same way.

    I do, however, find alot of hope in our IFV success stories- keep them coming, ladies!


    DH: Severe MFI/Azoo Me: Compound heterozygous MTHFR
    IVF #1= m/c- methotrexate @6w2d
    FET #1= BFN
    IVF #2= m/c- D&C @8w5d
    IVF #3= Beta #1 9dp5dt= 252, Beta #2 11dp5dt= 417, Beta #3 17dp5dt= 4,952
    US #2 @ 7w2d= twins, baby B measuring behind
    US #3 @ 8w5d= Baby A doing well, no HR in baby B
    *S/PAIF always welcome* BabyFetus Ticker
  • I understand where you are coming from...i am really starting to think it will never happen for us. I am also finding myself getting jealous of others in my life about non IF related things.  I find myself thinking, well there is something else I will never have.  I have never been that person so it is really making me sad!!
    I am AMA and all tests on H came back normal
    3 failed IVF with OE and 2 failed frozen DE cycles
    Last fresh hail mary DE cycle starting Feb 2013
    PAIF/SAIF always welcome
  • one reason why I'm hiding out here and TTCAL a lot more
    TTC #1 Since 4/2010, Cycle 30
    Positive for HLA-B27, I'm a mutant :p
    Testing - Me ok, gluten issue? DH - borderline count, low motility
    4/28/11 IUI#1 = BFP!(5/25), EDD 2/2/12 - m/c 5w3d
    7/3, 7/31, 9/25 - IUI#2-4=BFN
    IVF#1 - 1 blast = BFP!! (12/30), EDD 9/9/12, confirmed c/p 4w2d
    FET#1 3/2/12 - 2 blasts =BFP!! EDD 11/18/12, us#1 = twins! Confirmed m/c 5w6d
    4/20-surprise BFP and another c/p 4w2d
    FET#2 7/16/12 - 2 blasts = BFN
    FET#3 8/20/12 - 1 blast - BFP!! Beta #1-2=177, 354
    1st u/s 5w6d, one beautiful little HB :), 2nd u/s 146bpm
    baby girl born 5/10/13

    TTC#2 since 12/17/2014, Cycle 8
    Repeat Testing...FSH=12, AMH=3.8, AFC=28. 
    IUI#5 5/10/15- c/p?
    IVF#2 8/19/15 - cancelled due to cysts
    IVF#2 take two 10/2015 - 5 blasts frozen
    FET#4 12/11/2015 - BFN - 4 blasts remaining
    FET#5 2/18/16 - BFP!!!  Beta1-3, 126, 250, 745!!

    Image and video hosting by TinyPicLilypie Angel and Memorial tickers

    Tons of love and ((hugs)) to my IF sister NMscubagirl


  • I wish I had some really good words of encouragement to make all of you feel better.... all I can offer is a really HUGE {{HUG}}.  This whole process truly sucks and is heartbreaking! 

    I was just talking to my MIL last night about how I don't think she and DH even understand how hard this journey is.  I say a prayer each night for all the bumpies on the IF and IFV boards who are suffering through so much pain and frustration.

    BabyFruit Ticker

    06.10.12 +HPT 06.12.12 Beta #1 = 2,770 06.14.12 Beta #2 = 6,300
    1st U/S 06.18.12 2nd U/S 06.25.12
    09.24.12 It's a Boy!! ---> Jacob Owen

    Our IF Journey Began: October 2009
    **8 Failed IUI's, 1 Blighted Ovum, & 1 Failed IVF**
    Dx: MFI, DOR w/MTHFR Homozygous A1298C & Hypothyroidism
    03.2012 Lab Results: FSH 6.83 AMH 0.67 TSH 3.8 E2 17
    SA 156 million 93% motility 3% morphology

    Follow Me on Pinterest
    **~PAIF/SAIF Always Welcome~**
  • (((hugs)))

    I've been having a hard time lately as well, so I've been taking a break from the boards.  I'm hoping that now that AF has finally showed, and I think I may have a chance to cycle, I won't be as irritated.

    Me: 35 DH: 37 TTC since 4/2010
    DX: 6/9/2011: Azoo ICSI/IVF only option for biological child
    IVF #1: ER - 9/26 * ET - 10/1 * beta#1 10/13 - 140 * beta#2 10/17 - 477 * beta#3 10/20 - 1101
    1st u/s at 6w6d - one hb * 2nd u/s at 8w3d - no hb detected 11/10/11 * natural m/c 11/13/11
    FET #1 Jan/Feb 2012 - 3 delays - cancelled 2/13
    FET #1.2 - May/June 2012 - ET 6/6/* beta#1 6/15 - 95 * beta #2 6/19 - 322 * beta #3 6/22 - 940
    7/6 1st u/s @ 7 weeks - one beautiful hb - released from RE
    EDD 2/22/2013
    PAIF/SAIF/PGAL welcome
    imageimageimageimage
    BabyFruit Ticker
  • It's hard. I think you can be happy, sad and jealous at the same time. My best friend had her third baby today. She sent me a picture and I just lost it. We're so happy for them, but it was painful to see the picture.  Sending flowers to the hospital was a special torture. 

    Doggies never fail to brighten your day. Big hugs.  

    Baby girl Lila born 2013.
    Baby boy Henry born 2015.
    Expecting our capstone baby (boy) early March 2018.
  • imagereb259:
    I understand where you are coming from...i am really starting to think it will never happen for us. I am also finding myself getting jealous of others in my life about non IF related things.  I find myself thinking, well there is something else I will never have.  I have never been that person so it is really making me sad!!

     I feel like this too! People that have this, that AND a baby. I feel like IF just makes you change the way you look at everything. I have so much that I am grateful for. I'm mad at myself for being jealous of others. I've never been a jealous person, so this is just making me feel worse about myself.


    DH: Severe MFI/Azoo Me: Compound heterozygous MTHFR
    IVF #1= m/c- methotrexate @6w2d
    FET #1= BFN
    IVF #2= m/c- D&C @8w5d
    IVF #3= Beta #1 9dp5dt= 252, Beta #2 11dp5dt= 417, Beta #3 17dp5dt= 4,952
    US #2 @ 7w2d= twins, baby B measuring behind
    US #3 @ 8w5d= Baby A doing well, no HR in baby B
    *S/PAIF always welcome* BabyFetus Ticker
  • imageLaLe09:

    imagereb259:
    I understand where you are coming from...i am really starting to think it will never happen for us. I am also finding myself getting jealous of others in my life about non IF related things.  I find myself thinking, well there is something else I will never have.  I have never been that person so it is really making me sad!!

     I feel like this too! People that have this, that AND a baby. I feel like IF just makes you change the way you look at everything. I have so much that I am grateful for. I'm mad at myself for being jealous of others. I've never been a jealous person, so this is just making me feel worse about myself.

    Yes

    I am AMA and all tests on H came back normal
    3 failed IVF with OE and 2 failed frozen DE cycles
    Last fresh hail mary DE cycle starting Feb 2013
    PAIF/SAIF always welcome
  • imagereb259:
    imageLaLe09:

    imagereb259:
    I understand where you are coming from...i am really starting to think it will never happen for us. I am also finding myself getting jealous of others in my life about non IF related things.  I find myself thinking, well there is something else I will never have.  I have never been that person so it is really making me sad!!

     I feel like this too! People that have this, that AND a baby. I feel like IF just makes you change the way you look at everything. I have so much that I am grateful for. I'm mad at myself for being jealous of others. I've never been a jealous person, so this is just making me feel worse about myself.

    Yes

    YesYes 

    BabyFruit Ticker

    06.10.12 +HPT 06.12.12 Beta #1 = 2,770 06.14.12 Beta #2 = 6,300
    1st U/S 06.18.12 2nd U/S 06.25.12
    09.24.12 It's a Boy!! ---> Jacob Owen

    Our IF Journey Began: October 2009
    **8 Failed IUI's, 1 Blighted Ovum, & 1 Failed IVF**
    Dx: MFI, DOR w/MTHFR Homozygous A1298C & Hypothyroidism
    03.2012 Lab Results: FSH 6.83 AMH 0.67 TSH 3.8 E2 17
    SA 156 million 93% motility 3% morphology

    Follow Me on Pinterest
    **~PAIF/SAIF Always Welcome~**
  • I'm sorry... I just have to keep holding out hope that our time will come, too.
    Warning No formatter is installed for the format bbhtml
  • imagereb259:
    I understand where you are coming from...i am really starting to think it will never happen for us. I am also finding myself getting jealous of others in my life about non IF related things.  I find myself thinking, well there is something else I will never have.  I have never been that person so it is really making me sad!!

    Gosh, I totally can relate to this :-/

    I was just looking at the IF board and felt insanely jealous about all of the BFPs...and they are people who haven't been through as much as we have.  UGH.

    Ellen & Chris 5/6/06
    -------------------------
    TTC Since 10/2007 with no luck and a 'go with the flow' attitude
    1/1010 FINALLY decided to have testing done, dx MFI
    7/2010 - DH starts Clomid to increase testosterone and hopefully sperm count
    10/2010 - Still low (but improved) sperm count.
    11/30/10 - IUI #1 and only = BFN
    February 2011 - IVF #1 w/ ICSI =
    Chemical PG (Beta 1: 10, Beta 2: 19, Beta 3: 17) :-(
    April 2011 - IVF #2 w/ ICSI = BFN :-(
    September 2011 - IVF #3 w/ ICSI = BFFN
    November 2011 - AMH level tested - .83 (normal for age range)
    February 2012 - IVF #4 w/ ICSI = (best response ever yet still) BFFN
    April 2012 - DNA testing - NORMAL, RE suggests cycling again with own eggs or using DE
    On Break indefinitely...not sure we can afford the emotional and financial roller coaster anymore.
    *PAIFW/SAIFW*
  • What I'm finding really sad is I'm friends with a bunch of old regs from 3t and TTGP from two years ago.  And now a bunch of them are PG with their second, or their IVF and IUI miracles are all turning one years old.  Just makes me realize how far in the dust I've been left.  It's like time has gone slower in IF until someone points out "My twins are one!" And I'm like, "God lord, I remember when you first started doing your IVF and it doesn't seem that long ago! How can they be a year old already!"

    TTC since July 2009. Dx MFI & LPD. 
    IUI#1&2&3 (2011 & 2012) BFN
    IUI#4 1/23/13 on 75iu x9 Follistim = BFP then chem preg m/c (Feb 2013)
    IUI#5 BFN (April 2013)
    IVF w/ICSI Oct. 2, 2012 - 13R, 11M, 7F, 1 frozen blast 4BB grade - - - FET Nov 15, 2013
    BFP! Beta 1:104 @ 10dp6dt, Beta 2:178 @ 12dp6dt,  beta 3:366 @ 14dp6dt
    Saw heartbeat twice before missed M/C at 8w3d on 12/27/13, missing my little angel boy
    JUNE 2014 IVF#2;  5R, 2M, 1F Three day transfer 6/7.  Beta 6/18 - BFN
    Child Free Now?
    S/PAIFW , S/PALW

    My Blog

    image



  • imageBethany1026:

    I hear ya on that... I feel like I was the only one with another  BFN while all the other Lucky clovers were really the lucky ones... happy for others, but definitely feeling bad for myself.

    I need some all-around luck in life...I've had a bad streak latelyCrying

    Thankfully I have a dog to brighten my spirits too (((HUGS)))

    And this is why I will never join another mini group.  It SUCKS being left behind.  ((hugs))

     
    me 33/DH 36
    ttc since 10/2008; d/x: mild MFI, stageII endo
    ~~PAIF/SAIF Welcome~~
    11 IUI’s = 1 m/c (7w4d)
    IVF#1 January 2012 BFN, FET #1 April 2012 BFN
    Surprise BFP October 2012 m/c (7w), Surprise BFP April 2013 m/c (6w4d)
    IVF #2: July 2013, ET 1 embryo 7/18, beta 1 @ 14dp3dt - 757, beta 2 @ 16dp3dt - 1762
    U/S 1 @ 6w4d = 1 little frogger with HB of 118, U/S 2 @ 7w3d measuring right on track with HB of 160
    Stick Frogger Stick! Please!!!!!!!!!!!!!   It's a Girl, EDD April 7, 2014

    BabyFruit Ticker

  • imageBeeBee08:
    imageBethany1026:

    I hear ya on that... I feel like I was the only one with another  BFN while all the other Lucky clovers were really the lucky ones... happy for others, but definitely feeling bad for myself.

    I need some all-around luck in life...I've had a bad streak latelyCrying

    Thankfully I have a dog to brighten my spirits too (((HUGS)))

    And this is why I will never join another mini group.  It SUCKS being left behind.  ((hugs))

    I think you have hit the nail on the head! That may be my issue!

    Multiple ectopics, 2 failed IVF's
    IVF #1: Did not get to ET, embies all failed PGD (major chromosomal defects)
    IVF #2: We have 2 chromosomally perfect embies as a result of PGD (Boy/Girl) 1 failed the thaw (Girl) Transferred 1, yet ended as a c/p
    Thought it was the end of our TTC Journey 6/20/2012
    SHOCK BFP 9/28/2012: IT'S A BOY! and everything is normal !!!!!!

    Little A born 38w 2d on 05/23/13 and is a true miracle for this IF Vet!
     

    image              

     


  • imageRoxie5739:
    imageBeeBee08:
    imageBethany1026:

    I hear ya on that... I feel like I was the only one with another  BFN while all the other Lucky clovers were really the lucky ones... happy for others, but definitely feeling bad for myself.

    I need some all-around luck in life...I've had a bad streak latelyCrying

    Thankfully I have a dog to brighten my spirits too (((HUGS)))

    And this is why I will never join another mini group.  It SUCKS being left behind.  ((hugs))

    I think you have hit the nail on the head! That may be my issue!

    I didn't even consider not joining in...maybe I wont next time. Tongue Tied

    Anniversary
    TTC #1 since 3/10:
    DX: Me-PCOS, retroverted/ tilted ute - DH- MFI, DH-4 mo of Clomid therapy= no improvement. Weekly HCG injections.
    Me-34, DH-33
    HSG- unsuccessful, SHSG (dialated)-no blockages
    7/11-Clomid (unmonitored) BFN,
    #1 Fresh IVF 9/11: w/ ICSI & AH (only option): (1 transfered, 8BF) = BFN!!
    #2 FET: 2 transferred (2 6BF) 12/11 = BFFN!!
    Surprise + HPT on break! 2/12 Beta 1: 6 Beta 2: <5 = c/p ( RE had given me provera... So pretty sure this ruined everything)<BR> #3 Fresh IVF 3/12: w/ ICSI & AH (2 transfered 8BF & 7BF, 1 to freeze) = BFMFN!
    New RE 5/12
    6/14 Hysteroscopy
    #4 Fresh IVF 8/12: 5dt of 2 5AB blasts = BFN!... what else is new?!?
    New RE insists its a transfer issue, immunology checked & good
    #5 IVF FET 1/13 under anesthesia : Two 5 day blasts transferred
    + HPT!! Beta1: 2315 Beta2: 6442 Beta3: 31,061
    First u/s 1/30/13: Shows 1 healthy heartbeat!!

    Was he was right? I wasted 4 IVF's and the doctors were not getting the catheter in?!?
    ~~ Bump Bestie/ IRL Lynn0926 ~~
    BabyFruit Ticker
  • imageellenchris0506:

    imagereb259:
    I understand where you are coming from...i am really starting to think it will never happen for us. I am also finding myself getting jealous of others in my life about non IF related things.  I find myself thinking, well there is something else I will never have.  I have never been that person so it is really making me sad!!

    Gosh, I totally can relate to this :-/

    I was just looking at the IF board and felt insanely jealous about all of the BFPs...and they are people who haven't been through as much as we have.  UGH.

    this.... I've been so down and crazy jealous lately... I can't feel good about anything!!!!

    Me = 39 DH = 50 TTC (since 01/2009 after a short break, I stopped counting *cycles* in 2010)
    DX 2010 : Unknown Infertility , AMA
    HSG 2005 = Normal / HSG 2010 = Normal
    SA 2005 = Normal / SA 2010 /2012 = Slightly low count : motility, morphology GREAT!
    Chromosomal analysis, MTHFR, ANA's, Lupus, Protein C, Protein S, APCR = Normal 2011

    M/C : 2005 (7wk), 2010 (6wk), 2011 (7wk)

    8 IUI's 2010-2011 all BFN

    IVF/ICSI antagonist 01/2012 #1 = BFN

    IVF/ICSI antagonist long 06/2012 #2 = BFN

    IVF/ICSI/CGH MDLF New Clinic/New RE 11/2012 #3 = One beautiful boy blasty frozen PGS normal

    IVF/ICSI/CGH MDLF 02/2013 #4 = One more beautiful boy blasty frozen PGS normal

    FET 6/20 : One 5AA PGS normal transferred Beta 1 6/28 = 53.9 / Beta 2 7/1 = 220 / Beta 3 7/3 = 550!

    1 U/S  6w3d - Heartbeat 119 /  2 U/S - 7w5d- Heartbeat 169 / 3 U/S (OB) 8w5d - Heartbeat still great!

    Baby G welcomed into the world 3/7/2014

    SAIF / PAIF always welcome ****

     

    image

  • imageRoxie5739:
    imageBeeBee08:

    And this is why I will never join another mini group.  It SUCKS being left behind.  ((hugs))

    I think you have hit the nail on the head! That may be my issue!

    I now officially badgeless and feel kind of free and weirdly naked now.... so much better.

    Multiple ectopics, 2 failed IVF's
    IVF #1: Did not get to ET, embies all failed PGD (major chromosomal defects)
    IVF #2: We have 2 chromosomally perfect embies as a result of PGD (Boy/Girl) 1 failed the thaw (Girl) Transferred 1, yet ended as a c/p
    Thought it was the end of our TTC Journey 6/20/2012
    SHOCK BFP 9/28/2012: IT'S A BOY! and everything is normal !!!!!!

    Little A born 38w 2d on 05/23/13 and is a true miracle for this IF Vet!
     

    image              

     


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