- Pregnancy
- Baby & Toddler
- Parents
- Getting Pregnant
- Baby Names
- Product Reviews
-
Registry
- Community
-
More
Want a personalized experience?
Download the free app
Pregnant after IF
DrRx
member
Wrong thing to say...
DrRx
member
You know how, being an IFer, the worst thing to hear when someone hears of your IF struggles is "I'm sure that if you just relax you'll get pregnant right away!" or "Now that you've gotten pregnant, you'll probably become a Fertile Myrtle!" or something along those lines?
Well, now that I'm also a NICU mommy, I have discovered the wrong thing to say to someone who is on a NICU journey. I know that people mean well, and that they don't even realize what they say is hurtful to me, but I'm so over having people tell me "Well, by the time she gets home, you won't even remember your time in the NICU and it will all be a distant memory."
The reason it bothers me so much is that it trivializes all that DH and I are going through, as if it's no big deal. Like, it's something that will easily be forgotten and that I won't ever give it another thought. Just because I'm positive and cherish every little advancement does not make this suck any less. It is awful. It is emotionally and physically exhausting. There isn't anything about it that doesn't suck big monkey balls. And of course in the future I won't think about it everyday, but it is definitely one of those life experiences that will have a profound impact and effect on the rest of your life. It's not something that you just "forget".
Sorry, had to vent a little. I figured you ladies would understand where I'm coming from and could relate as IFers.
In other news, Adalyn has been having a fabulous few days. She had no problems with getting her shots and absolutely LOVED Daddy's concert last night. We have never seen her so active! She was wide-eyed and making all sort of facial expressions to the song that DH is calling "Adalyn's lullaby", even though sometimes he plays it a little more up-tempo and would definitely NOT put Adalyn to sleep! 
She is up to 4 pounds 13 ounces and on 2L of oxygen.
TTC Since July 2008.
Me: PCOS DH: Low everything (MFI)
Clomid with TI x 3 2010 BFN
Clomid+IUI+Ovidrel 2010 BFN
IVF w/ICSI #1 2011
9/8/11 Beta #1: 2082!! 9/19/11 Beta#2 34,689!! U/S 9/22/11 HR 127! 11/8/11 HR 150! 12/6/11 HR 136! 12/14/11 HR 139! Born at 26w2d on 2/4/2012! After 83 days in the NICU, Adalyn came home on 4/26/12!
FET 1 3/2013 BFN
FET 2 5/2013 BFN
Me: PCOS DH: Low everything (MFI)
Clomid with TI x 3 2010 BFN
Clomid+IUI+Ovidrel 2010 BFN
IVF w/ICSI #1 2011
9/8/11 Beta #1: 2082!! 9/19/11 Beta#2 34,689!! U/S 9/22/11 HR 127! 11/8/11 HR 150! 12/6/11 HR 136! 12/14/11 HR 139! Born at 26w2d on 2/4/2012! After 83 days in the NICU, Adalyn came home on 4/26/12!
FET 1 3/2013 BFN
FET 2 5/2013 BFN
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Wrong thing to say...
It is hard because you know people mean well, and they are trying to be encouraging, but comments like that, and the IF related ones sting. I am sorry you are feelign this way.
Great news about Adalyn!!
It does make it difficult when someone means well but you really want to punch them! My MIL has a knack for saying the wrong thing, like...all the time. When she found out they were planning me to have a C, she said well lucky me I don't have to deal with the pain of labor. Really, lucky? FFS!
Glad Adalyn is doing well
She seems to be growing faster now, or have I just missed a few updates? That is so amazing about daddy's concerts. That is something you guys will always remember 
Me: 36 DH: 40
DH dx azoospermia My dx: RA & AMA
d-IUI's--6/10, 7/13 & 8/4: all BFN
d-IVF#1--Lupron/Menopur/Bravelle/Novarel; mini-dose protocol
ER: 10/25--18R; 14F; ET: 10/28--3dt of 2 embies; 3 blasts frozen
+ HPT 11/4; Beta #1--14dp3dt: 441; Beta #2--21dp3dt: 9298
One beautiful jelly bean growing! Saw h/b on 11/28 and 12/5!!!
P/SAIF welcome
<a href="http://s22.photobucket.com/albums/b315/mandalinn/?action=view
Geesh, that IS a terrible thing to say. I am sorry that anyone would, whether they meant to or not, ever downplay your situation.
Glad to hear you have had a couple good days!!
**hugs** I wish that people would say nothing at all (and maybe just offer a hug or say "if you need anything, let me know") if they don't know what to say rather than saying something that would hurt or belittle what is happening.
Love hearing all of your updates on Adalyn!
Once in a while you get shown the light in the strangest of places if you look at it right.
Jeep Doll = Jeepie Doll
April Siggy: April Shower with Gerard Butler mmmmmm
Open mouth, insert foot! How rude! I'm glad to hear Adalyn is getting so big!
People just don't think. I'm sorry you're dealing with that.
Very happy to hear how well Adalyn is doing though! Love hearing these updates.
IUI#2 Femara/Ovidrel (cd 5-9) = BFN
IUI#3 Femara/Ovidrel (cd 3-7) = BFP!
beta #1 11/23 = 270, P4 = 75
beta #2 11/28 = 2055
Our daughter E was born 7/29/2012!
Surprise, our 2nd daughter P was born 5/22/14!
First of all, YAY for Adalyn's continued growth and wellness. What's better than that???
Secondly, as a former NICU baby myself, I happen to appreciate that my mom not only remembers vividly the time spent there with me, but that she also relays stories of the docs and nurses who fought to save my life. It makes me feel special and is a constant reminder of how lucky I am to be here (well, if not constant, I can count on stories on every birthday).
Earlier m/c. DX (finally) 10/10: abnormal acrosome.
ICSI #1 3dt 11/20/11 HPT BFP 11/30 Our beautiful daughters were born July 28, 2012.
I honestly wish people would just say, "I don't know what to say, but I'm here for you," rather than try to comment of things they don't understand.
On another note, she is almost 5 pounds?! That's great!
TTC since October 2009
2 failed IUIs with Clomid
IVF #1, ER 10/29/2011
ET 11/3/2011
One embryo transferred, four frozen
11/12/2011, BFP, 11/13/2011, BFP, 11/14/2011, BFP
First Beta 11/14/2011, 499
Second Beta 11/16/2011, 893
Third Beta 11/18/2011, 1510
Lost my dear husband, October 3, 2012. You are the bear of my heart dear, and nothing can take that away.