My mother-in-law is driving me crazy already

genmalone · April 2012

We told my Mom and my in-laws that our IVF worked. It was a little hard to hide considering I was in the hospital for OHSS for 8 days in the Antepartum wing. We asked that they not tell anyone since it was so early and they agreed. Well, within hours my mother-in-law had told my DH's entire family. It made me sad for DH because I know he wanted to tell his family. Oh well, I was really sick so we let it go.

Anyway, just had dinner with my sister-in-law and found out that my mother-in-law told everyone we're having twins AND that we did IVF. First off, we have no idea if we're having twins. I'm only 5w2d! Also, I'm pissed that she is telling everyone about our IVF. Not that I'm embarrassed by it but I just don't think it's anyone's business.

Should I say something to MIL or just let it go? Sorry. Vent over.

jillychris · April 2012

I would...rather ask YH to say something. We just found out last weekend that my MIL also told the entire family I was pregnant. So not her news to share! Sorry thus happened to you as well; I would be even more upset if I knew shed told about our IF struggle!

Jeepie Doll · April 2012

**hugs** What is it with MILs these days! Mine did the same thing and DH was so upset. I didn't talk to her about the telling people we are pregnant part, but I did make sure she was clear on not to tell anyone about IVF as we do not want to share that with anyone at all!

RRL2012 · April 2012

I would definitely have your DH say something and I would seriously consider how much you tell her in the future about anything having to do with your child/family. Could you imagine if you confided that your LO was having a problem and she blabbed that to the whole family and how embarassing that would be for your child? Similar to how cheaters never stop cheating, gossipers never stop gossiping. I am so sorry that you lost the experience of sharing your news the way you wanted with your DH's family. I think either DH or both of you should definitely share your feelings with her. SO frustrating!

lovebug33 · April 2012

What is up with MIL's, for sure? My DH told my MIL too much stuff at the beginning and then I told him he wasn't allowed to tell her anything else. He was really upset that I wouldn't let him share about the amnio and DS scare. However, I couldn't handle her craziness and her telling everybody and their now deceased grandma what was going on. IT's so hard!

naybird · April 2012

I don't think you should let this go. You need to set some boundaries very early on, or your MIL will continue to pull stunts like this forever. Either you or your DH needs to talk to her and let her know that she broke your trust.

When I told the small handful of people early on I made it very clear if I can't trust them and they couldn't keep my infomation private I would not be telling them anything else early on and they would be left out. All of them kept my secret to themselves!!

Sorry your MIL has a big mouth.

kzawisl · April 2012

It might be uncomfortable, but I would talk to her yourself (with YH there, if you want) and explain why what she did was wrong and hurtful on a lot of levels.

I am really sorry she did that. I am so shocked I really don't even know what to say

ELF4321 · April 2012

Your husband needs to handle this quickly and firmly. She has completely overstepped here.

tarajayne · April 2012

So sorry that she did this too you. Definitely let DH deal with her. You don't need the added stress. I would also think twice about telling her things in confidence in the future. Also wtf would she tell people twins when you have no idea yet? She needs to be punched.

moosegal · April 2012

I think you should have your husband say something to her. My MIL is super bad about this stuff too, but it's his mom so he has to keep her in check. Good luck...that is so annoying!

TJ1979 · April 2012

Oh my gosh, I would be so upset! I would definitely say something, otherwise she will think what she did was okay, and continue to behave that way. Although if it were me, I would have MH talk to her. I'm sorry you have to deal with this.

genmalone · April 2012

Thanks ladies! We're spending the whole weekend with them so not sure how it's all going to go over. Initially, I wanted DH to handle it but I think I'm going to have a conversation with her about it. I'm just shocked that she has such a big mouth. And I definitely won't tell her anything going forward.

ljhgrey · April 2012

Ugh, that would tick me off so bad, I am sorry you have to deal with this!! We haven't told parents get but want to this weekend. We are begging them not to tell anyone. I hope they respect our wishes.

farmerlynda · April 2012

chiwifey:
ELF4321:
Your husband needs to handle this quickly and firmly. She has completely overstepped here.
I completely agree with this! I'm sorry you're dealing with a blabby MIL.

This exactly!

I was at a girl's night out with my newly-pregnant friend last night, and the first stop was at the house of a winemaker... so the host of course immediately went to pour us both wine. My friend said she wasn't drinking, and I said I wasn't either, and my friend made it clear she wasn't drinking because she was pregnant and gestured to me... so we were both implicated. Ugh! I don't like having the information out there just because I'm still so worried about the pregnancy sticking. I repeatedly told everyone that it's not public information yet because it's so early. I'm just hoping that they keep their mouths shut.

ETA: Annnd I just got a 'congratulations' email from someone who was NOT at the dinner last night. FML. And promptly sent a strongly worded email to the person who informed her, telling her that I've been through hell and back to get pregnant and I'm terrified of this pregnancy not sticking. I hope she feels guilty.

pb_bride · April 2012

The same thing happened to me too! UGH! I also suffered from OHSS and had to cancel a last-minute trip, so I had to tell ILs and my parents the reason why. Next thing I know MIL already told DH's uncle & aunt. I was only in my 5th wk and I suffered a missed m/c last year!!! (and MIL knew that too).

I was v upset w/her but I asked DH to tell her that what she did was not okay and that I was upset. I don't know how the conversation went, and MIL never apologized to me directly. I'm not mad anymore but I feel MIL needs to know that it was NOT her news to share!

psychmusetls · April 2012

wow. just wow. I'd kill my MIL. I can see her telling someone like her sister because they're very close, but never DH's whole family. . . And to tell about the IVF and twins. goodness. I think you need to have your husband talk to her.

tgreenf · April 2012

Ugh, I am sorry hon. I don't understand why people think it is their news to share!?!?

I have my own mother running her mouth. I gave her permission to tell her three closest friends because she was bursting with excitement and I knew I could trust those three ladies. However, every day since, she has come to me and said "ohhh I told so n so" Yesterday I finally had to go off on her. I love my mother dearly, but good lord, zip it!

cutebride73 · April 2012

My current pregnancy was the result of an IUI (but, we did 2 IVF's in the past) and this is exactly why we never told my IL's anything!! They didn't know we did IVF or IUI's ever. We only told them I was pregnant last weekend and DH didn't even tell them that we used ART or meds or anything. I am not sure I agree with that, but I figure it's his family, it's his call. I knew though as soon as they knew they would start telling people - especially my MIL - she has a big mouth!!

I would have YH talk to her for sure though. You have a right to privacy about how your children were conceived if you want it. I mean I am sure you might tell some people, but that should be up to you - not up to your MIL!! And WTF is with telling everyone you are having twins?! What if you aren't? Then all of these random people are going to think that? That's just the most bizarre part to me.

I'm sorry you have to deal with this - you shouldn't. Some people just have no clue.

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