Hello, let me introduce myself first..
For the first 30 years of my life, everything was smooth and worry-free. I was my parents’ most beloved child, found my true love in college, and happily married him after graduation.
At work, I was my boss’s most valued employee. Whenever I was in charge of a project, colleagues would inevitably say, “Oh, then I’m totally at ease.” I was constantly named “Employee of the Year,” with generous bonuses every year.
Later, I started my own business. Within just three months, I had broken into the market and started making money. By the fifth month, I was earning twice my previous salary. Growth was steady month after month. Right when the business needed more hands, I serendipitously met an amazing partner, and the company reached a whole new level.
Really, it seemed like at every step, whatever I needed, a pair of hands would always place it right in front of me, just in time.
My Two Girls: Ellie & Mia
Meet Ellie, My Firstborn
In 2020, my husband and I decided to have a child. After trying for over a year, we finally got the news in 2021 that a little one was on the way. In 2022, we welcomed our first child, Ellie. She made me a mother.
She is utterly adorable—big eyes, rosy skin, chubby little hands. Every time I look at her, I can’t help but give her a kiss. She is pure joy, and I love her more each day.
But as a first-time mom, I faced unprecedented difficulties. The postpartum tearing wouldn’t heal, and the pain was excruciating. Clogged milk ducts made my breasts hard as rocks. The severe sleep deprivation… And what was even more crushing was that, with zero parenting experience, I was clueless when faced with her unexplained wailing, night terrors, refusal to nurse, constipation, diarrhea, fevers… I desperately searched online, longing for one accurate, truly useful answer!
It was during this time that I thought, once I make it through this “dark” path, I must leave a light on for other new moms.
And Then Came Mia
Ellie had just turned one when I got pregnant again. In 2024, we welcomed our second daughter, Mia.
Completely different from Ellie, Mia is a great eater and sleeper. Although she had her fussy moments in the first two months, starting almost from month three, she became super easygoing. She feeds on schedule, gradually sleeps through the night, loves her solid foods, and adapted quickly when I had to stop breastfeeding due to mastitis.
This made me realize just how vastly different babies can be! It made me even more determined to write about my experiences.
Why I Had to Start This Blog
The Catalyst: A Life Pivoted
After Mia was born, my business also began to decline sharply. I had no choice but to close it and become a full-time mom. My work no longer involves Excel and Word, but instead revolves around changing diapers, washing bottles, making baby food, and managing household chores…
This has been a monumental challenge for me. All my past achievements seem irrelevant now. Managing two young children has brought me a sense of frustration I’ve never known before.
The Daily Reality
They are always fighting over things. When one is in my arms, the other immediately demands to be held too. When I try to cook, Ellie wants me to read her a book. When I attempt to load the washing machine, Mia has a diaper blowout, and I must drop everything to change her…
By the time I finish all that, I see the cup of hot coffee on the table has gone cold again. And it’s not until evening that I remember, “Oh my goodness, the clothes are still in the hamper, unwashed!”
Of course, being a mom is filled with happiness, but that doesn’t negate how hard it is.
My Promise to You
Because I’ve walked this path myself, I won’t just tell you how joyful motherhood is, like many websites do. I want to share my real, unfiltered experiences so every new mom can find a “companion” here.
I want to tell you: you are not alone. What you’re going through, I’ve been there too. Your breakdowns, your helplessness, your moments of losing control—I’ve had them all. You don’t need to feel guilty. This is just a small, necessary stretch of the journey for every mom.
My Hope for This Space
I really want to share my parenting experiences—not just the warm, glowing moments, but to honestly document the pitfalls I’ve stumbled into, the tears I’ve shed, and the “survival wisdom” I’ve scraped together in utter exhaustion.
The Goal: A Mom’s Toolkit
I hope this blog becomes a “mom’s toolkit,” filled not with vague theories, but with:
- Practical Tips: Like how to quickly figure out why a baby is crying, tried-and-true methods for dealing with clogged ducts, or how to efficiently manage the daily grind with twins (or two under two) solo.
- Pitfall Avoidance Guides: Sharing the baby products I regret buying the most, and those “game-changer” parenting hacks. Letting you know which parenting anxieties you can let go of, and which principles are worth holding onto.
- A Community for Moms: I hope my stories connect me with more moms like you. We can cheer each other on in the comments, share our own tricks, turning the storms we face alone into a journey we walk together.
The Bigger Vision
My previous career taught me to analyze data, solve problems, and optimize processes. Now, I’m applying all those skills to this new “position” of Mom. I want to prove that a mom’s value is absolutely not confined to the home. The mindset, resilience, and creativity we built in our careers can shine just as brightly—perhaps even brighter—in this more complex, long-term “project” of raising humans, and can even be transformed into a force that helps others.
My hope is simple: that every mom who opens this blog can let out a sigh of relief and say, “So it’s not just me.” Then, she can find a bit of practical info, a dose of comforting solidarity, and return to her sweet, chaotic mom-life with a little more confidence and a little less weight on her shoulders.
This road? Let’s walk it together.
mom2babyvitz
member
Re: So tired of being judged....
I'm sorry you have to deal with this! People can be so ignorant. Thankfully, I haven't had to deal with face-to-face judging, only online judgement.
I know it sounds terrible, but I hope she has to have a c/s and can see that the BEST way to have a baby, is to have a healthy baby and mom, no matter how baby comes out! I really don't think anyone goes into pregnancy and delivery hoping they get to have a c/s, but sometimes it's what is best for baby and mom! Nothing against natural birth, but sometimes I feel like the people who are really into it, are brainwashed or something, the things that come out of their mouths are ridiculous!!
BFP #2 March 2011, Baby Girl born November 2011!!!
My thoughts exactly! You and your doctor made the best decision for you and YOUR baby don't let anyone make you feel bad for that. FWIW I pursued a VBAC for my second with all my might (I am pregnant w/#3) and no hospital or DR or midwife would take me on for the exact reason I had the first CS. I forgot the name of the diagnosis but basically my pelvic bones are not lined up and my first LO would not fit due to his large head and shoulders and guess what #2 had a big old head too lol! Good luck to you!
Wow! We studied the Bradley method and I am all for a natural birth, but things happen that you can't always be prepared for.
She has no business commenting on your birth. It's not hers.
Idiot.
DS born via unplanned C-section at 40w6d
This. And she has no idea what it is like to be scared for your LOs life. None at all.
Ya know what??? I'm sick and tired of opinions about my c/s and people preaching vbac. I know what I'm doing. It works for me. And I never asked for their 2 cents anyway. Wish they'd put a sock in it.
Thank you for letting me vent lol. I guess I feel a little better about my decision to have a RCS after reading a little bit of the book 'Choosing Cesarean'.
The vbac'ers can have all the vbac's they want. I don't care what they do, just wish they'd stay the heck out of my business. lol
This Bwahahahaha!
My motto about births is do what's best for you, with the fine print that I only wish that interventions and c/s weren't so common that I had to fight to not get them. I think that's why it gets to be a preachy subject with people taking sides and arguing their cause. I pretty much felt like if I didn't stand up for not having the common interventions or a c/s I'd be doomed to have one. People should be free to choose, not coerced, to do it how they feel safest/most comfortable.
I'm not on the bandwagon that a majority of babies are too big and will die trying to be born either BUT I wouldn't just blatantly tell someone what they're doing is "wrong", especially if they haven't asked my opinion. When you go online and ask for opinions, that's a different story. I'm pretty sure that somewhere there does exist the mother with a pelvis too small and a baby too big to do it vaginally so I don't see how the instructor could intelligently make that comment. Many times it's the baby's position and not size that makes it impossible to bring them down. Sorry, but that's not something the bradley method is going to fix, trust me I know! And to me it doesn't matter whether you've had kids or not. I have the same thoughts about my birth wishes and opinions about birth as I did before I had my first.
Maybe the CW just wants to talk about her birth plan with you, though it's wrong for her to tell you what you should do. No reason you can't turn the conversation around and tell her so though! As strongly as she feels about her way, you have decided your way is best and it's totally fair for you to tell her that. At least the conversation might make her leave you alone about it in the future. (not to mention speaking your mind is quite beneficial sometimes!)
Lol. That's what I was going to say. I work in the newborn nursery and what's crazy most of those people with birth plans end up with c sections. I had a c section mine weighed 9lbs and there was no way she was coming out any other way. I think some people don't get about shoulder dystocia and the baby can die. That would make me mad too. 10 lbs is a lot!!!
This. You should maybe provide her some information on shoulder dystocia and tell her that you hope everything goes according to her "plan".
I've had a few people make comments re: my cs(2).
I usually respond: 1 week overdue, having to be induced, 30 hours of labor, 3.5 hours of pushing with no results and the cord wrapped around his neck twice - yup we went with a c/s to get him out and keep him safe. Baby #2 had a 17% chance of being able to be a VBAC and I wasn't going to chance doing labor and then a cs again when I had a 2.5 year old at home to take care of as well as a newborn. But thanks for your opinion on my body!
I will say, a big baby should not be the ONLY reason a provider recommends a c/s. But it sounds like maybe she doesn't really know your entire story. But, let's face it. Sometimes babies don't descend like they should. Sometimes mom's pelvis really is smaller than the baby. Sometimes the baby isn't positioned right. Sometimtes it's all of the above. It's not like your doctor told you at 20wks that your kid was gonna be too big so you should schedule your c/s NOW!
The fact you labored for 27 1/2 hours is awesome. And while I think (hope) your friend was just trying to educate you, she seemed to do it in an insensitive and matter-of-fact manner.
I feel bad enough judging myself for wondering if I could have done more to prevent my c-section, I certainly wouldn't want anyone else telling me what I should have done.
Sorry she made you feel crappy.
OK, now I don't feel so guilty for having the same thought. But, if she is the way she is being described, the reason for her c-section will have been an OK reason to have a c-section while I bet she would still try to justify that big babies can be delivered vaginally. UGGG....people like her make me crazy. This is my third, all by C-section, not because my babies are too big, but because my pelvis is small/wrong shape. They had to break my great aunts cocksis(SP) and my great grandmother almost died during birth and had to have some horrible tortorous thing done to her to get her baby out. When girls tell me to go to a chiroprator and then I can have a vaginal delivery I want to smack them.
If she starts getting preachy again, tell her, "I hope you have a perfect vaginal birth with no complications or risks to your baby's life so you can keep your naive, ignorant opinion safely intact. The fact is without evil c-sections, many women and their children would not be here. I did what I had to for my child. Let's hope you never find yourself in the same position."
Sorry, but arrogance, especially uninformed arrogance concerning c-sections really irks me. I know a woman who "knows" that she won't need a c-section because she has had her birthplan in place since the first tri! Ya, there's a little part of me that is waiting for the fun to begin.
The instructor teaching people this should be throat punched! I'm not a small person at all and DD2 was 9lbs 6oz and wouldn't come down. She stayed in the highest position the whole time, even with me trying to push her down. Once we tried to push her heart rate showed flucuations and we had to do a CS. Babies can absolutely grow to be too big to come out vaginally.
I am all for vaginal births, my first DD was one, but sometimes we can't control what nature and our bodies are going to do. The only thing I am against is doctors allowing inductions too early and for no medical reason. However else you have your child is just how they came into this world and should not be judged one bit.
Point her to the WHO's information on maternal mortality:
https://www.who.int/mediacentre/factsheets/fs348/en/index.html
Sure, women have been having babies for millenia without c-sections. Women (and fetuses/newborns) have also been dying for millenia of problems a c-section could have solved. So, there's that.