I can't BF- and people are jerks :)

ashcart01 · April 2012

I've totally posted about this before, but I feel the need to do so again.

I am unable to BF. I am having a C section, and due to some pelvic trauma and hip surgeries, I have to get shots and medicine that aren't safe for LO. I may be able to BF for my days in the hospital, but before discharge I have to start the meds and shots.

I normally don't share this with anyone, but lately a lot of people have been asking. I don't feel like lying to them, so I just tell them...

AND HOLY COW...they are huge a-holes.

"That's very sad that you aren't doing what's best for your LO, and that you're being so selfish"

Um.. If I don't get these meds and shots I won't be able to walk. But thanks.

"I can't believe you aren't BF ing. I can't even imagine bottle feeding it's so disgusting".

".....oh. Thats interesting"

AND

"I wouldn't want to go anywhere with you, if people saw you bottle feeding they would think you were a really poor teen mom".

Those have been some of the Gems I've gotten. None of this is made up.

I'm not electing to formula feed, I have to. I had to BEG my doctor to let me wait a couple days to get the shots so I could try to get LO some colostrum.

I have done everything from walking away to just standing and nodding my head.. but I am out of patience.

I may lose it. If I do, I hope it's epic so that I can tell you all about it

mrsjengle · April 2012

You know what's best for a baby? ... feeding it!

People suck!

hopefulmom81 · April 2012

I was formula fed and I think I turned out okay (might be debatable to some)

Even if you did elect to formula feed it is no one's business.

There are some real gems in there that you have heard. I think you have every right to snap at people who say something to you.

tiffany0486 · April 2012

I would just ignore them! It is your decision! I am a pediatric nurse and I always tell moms to do what is the best for you and LO

kaybee10 · April 2012

I'm sorry so many people are treating you this way, even after you explain its for a medical reason! I'm not sure what's wrong with people these days, but there are people who can't breastfeed for many reasons and they shouldn't be shunned. People are just downright rude! I think its also great your waiting the few days, just don't be too hard on yourself and follow your doctor's orders. If people continue to be rude, I'd come up with something "nice" to say back lol.

HappyMama2011 · April 2012

That is awful. I find it shocking how people think that they are entitled to know personal information just because you are pregnant. I FF and when random people would ask (like a male neighbor, who is an acquaintance at best, in the grocery store) I would just keep it vague and say we were still figuring that out. It wasn't that I felt ashamed of our decision, it was just that I didn't feel the need to discuss my plans for my breasts with them.

If people actually said that stuff to me, I would make them feel really uncomfortable about it. Like, just stare at them for an uncomfortable amount of time and then tell them they are being rude and intrusive and you didn't ask for their opinion.

k8edgerton · April 2012

I'm sorry that people are so hurtful...

Some people are not able to bf -- I think as long as the baby is fed its not a big deal. Don't let it get to you and don't put extra pressure on yourself because of other people's stupidity. I guess you are seeing who your real friends are.

oohgrrl11 · April 2012

Why hold back??You are so ignorant that I wouldn't want to be seen with you either.?I had a co-worker (who had never been pregnant) ask me if I planned on having an epidural. I responded that I hoped to have one. She proceeded to tell me how horrible that was and how it was dangerous for the baby, etc. I asked her if she gets novacaine at the dentist. She said its not the same. I then said I was considering asking if LO could get his own epi since birth sounded painful for both- I was joking. She continued on her judgemental rant until I said When you give birth, you can make that decision for yourself. Until then, this conversation is over. I'm honestly shocked that you even Care since you have never cared to even speak to me before.

Hkaye · April 2012

Wow I would be saying something a little mean back! First off formula is expensive so you wouldn't be a poor teen mom and I bottle fed my daughter by choice and she is just fine. This time I am going to pump but not breastfeed (just dont like the whole breastfeeding thing) but I could care less how each women wants to feed her baby thats your business. I cant believe you made it this far without snapping! So sorry people are so insensitive.

Gismo123 · April 2012

I would be throat punching people if that were me!! So what if you formula feed!? It's not like you don't want to breastfeed, you're medically unable to and it's your decision anyway...god the nerve of some people. As for the bottle part...lots of breastfeed babies use bottles because of latch issues so that's just an idiotic adsumption those idiots are making. I am going to try and breastfeed but I have had a breast reduction about 7 years ago so it may not be possible and if anyone questions me I will punch their lights out. Sorry you have to deal with stupid people.

gekeler6 · April 2012

agreed, people are jerks if they are saying these things. For one, it's none of their business what you choose. And two, don't feel bad if you aren't able to BF, not everyone can. I think you are choosing the right thing and thinking of your baby. Glad to hear you are able to get the first couple days in at least, I'm proud of you for doing that! Keep in mind there is nothing wrong with formula, it's made to feed babies!

mkflower3000 · April 2012

That's awful, I'm sorry Especially since you don't have a choice! I can't believe people would be that insensitive... What are you even supposed to say to that??

You're handling it very well, but I hope that they leave you alone soon!

JennyJensing · April 2012

I agree with all PP's...how rude! No one has asked me this, but if I couldn't and they did, I would just look at them point blank and say, "why?"

I'm sure they would answer to the effect of, "well, I just hear that's really good for the baby." To which I would say, "Oh, I thought you were going to tell me you were a doctor." I think that puts into perspective how ridiculous and personal of a question it is.

Try not to be too hard on yourself--there will be plenty of things you will do better than a lot of other BFing mommies I'm sure.

ipookie8 · April 2012

If I were in your position and I was given ANY of those lines you stated above... well lets just say it would not be pretty. But maybe it's just me.

I find tactless people repulsive and generally do not have a problem indicating that they have offended me or letting them know that crap that just spewed out of their pie-hole was beyond inappropriate.

My suggestion would be to tell them-- "Look, I'm sure my child would prefer to have a mom that can WALK and grow with him/her and be able to do fun activities. What you just said is not only offensive, but it makes this whole situation more stressful for me. Thanks, but no thanks." And then turn around and walk away.

Most people who say rude/offensive things are never told that what they are saying is rude/offensive and most of the time, they truly are that ignorant.

I say, break the chain so other defenseless people don't have to suffer what you have to suffer. Sheesh. Words really can hurt.

Best of luck OP.

Chelsey68 · April 2012

Wow, Screw all of those people.

I am completely supportive of people choosing not to breast feed just because they don't want too. You want to and can't I don't see why any of you get crap from people. Other than your husband or SO I think that this is a whole lot of non of those peoples business.

People and there stupid unwanted advice, im honestly surprised I haven't gone off on someone over it yet.

Just for a comparision I was formula feed and a AB honor roll student perfectly healthy. My sister was EBF and dumb as a rock.

llib18 · April 2012

People can just be jerks. Can't they see that you are doing what's best for baby by not BF ing with the meds in your system, and making sure you take care of yourself so that you can be there to take care of baby. It's not like formula is cheap either, so it shows you are going the extra mile to do the best thing you can for your baby. Ignore them and be proud of being a good mommy.

Daisy22 · April 2012

mrsjengle:

You know what's best for a baby? ... feeding it!

People suck!

Jinnifah · April 2012

Omg, that's awful! I don't think I'd be polite anymore. And seriously, you're selfish for wanting to continue being able to walk?!?! Whaaaat? In what world is it selfish to not want to be disabled? Yes, BF is the best option for feeding you're baby, but it's not mandatory in order to have a happy healthy kid.

ktpaladino · April 2012

I find it funny that the tables have turned so much in terms of how breastfeeding and formula feeding is viewed. Back when I was raised, BFing was seen as gross and inappropriate, something only hippie moms did. Now, people frown upon formula feeding. What gives? They are both fine, no matter what you choose, not that you even have a choice in the matter anyhow! You just have to do what works for your baby and youself and those ignorant people can go pound sand.

jrshyke · April 2012

What your baby needs is a happy and healthy Mommy...and it sounds like you need your medications in order to be that way! People suck, and I wouldn't be afraid to tell them exactly that. I find it unbelievable that people are so judgemental and disrespectful when speaking to a pregnant woman.

CTri17 · April 2012

wow, that's nuts. I'm pretty pro-bfing but in your situation there should be NO judgement made (or in any situation really but c'mon you HAVE to take this medicine to have a good quality of life for your baby, no one should judge)

kjg5445 · April 2012

man i'll tell ya, i supplemented with formula after a few months of BFing after i went back to work and it was anything but cheap

so poor teen mom my butt! haha. poor teen moms BF =D

im sorry you are getting so much crap about it. people really suck. i only frown upon those that dont feed their child at all.

jp0129 · April 2012

I am in your same position. I can't BF due to medications I take and 6 wks after I deliver I have to start taking Immune shots that won't allow me to bf at all. I could for the 6 wks but then I will not be able to breathe without my meds. I Get a lot of grief for it as well and My response is. Well I would rather breath and be here for my LO than not just so I can satisfy you. Luckily my DH and family stick up for me if someone comments.

People are ignorant and stuck in the Stone age. I was a formula fed kid and so was my brother. He is healthy as a horse and never had any issues. Some people need to remember that health is genetic. There is no rule that says you will be sick bc your mom did not bf you.

cmurphy09 · April 2012

Yeah... I can relate. I avoid this whole topic altogether aside from speaking with my Drs. or DH...

I got backlash on this site for the very same thing. Truth is - people are ignorant, stating opinions vs. facts & don't know what they're talking about!

You are a very strong, brave & ladylike reacting the way you do. The stress isn't worth the reaction ppl are pulling for. So just brush 'em off - at least you know exactly where these individuals stand.

Christina_Diane · April 2012

I'm sorry. That is horrible that you are receiving that kind of crap from people. Obviously breastfeeding isn't the best option for you or your LO (because it sounds like parenting would be very difficult w/o the meds and shots) and that is completely okay.

Perhaps you can rephrase what you tell people to try to avoid the unnecessary comments. Have you told them something like, "I'd love to BF, but unfortunately due to medical reasons I can't. This is something that is really hard for me, but people's support helps."

cloud9climber · April 2012

FORMULA IS FOOD. You're right... people are assssholes. They can't help it. I was only able to BF for 3 months with my DS. I had a constant yeast infection on my nipples that would transfer to my son's mouth and he had to go on antibiotics about 4 times - this on top of awful colic that he had for a year. I used to have to take percocet just to pump. It was the worst.

People will make you feel guilty about all sorts of stuff. After awhile I would just tell people (mainly strangers) that my DS was allergic to my breast milk just to shut them up. I hated having to defend myself.

Hang in there.

tessatewks · April 2012

I don't think kindly of people that don't breastfeed for selfish reasons, but when there's a medical reason, no judgement from me! My sister will never be able to breastfeed due to the medications she will have to take for her rheumatoid arthritis.

Just make sure if people ask, you explain that you are on a necessary medication that is not safe for baby, and therefore have no choice. As long as you explain before hand, instead of letting them get shots at you first, I think you'll be fine.

hopefulmom81 · April 2012

tessatewks:
I don't think kindly of people that don't breastfeed for selfish reasons, but when there's a medical reason, no judgement from me! My sister will never be able to breastfeed due to the medications she will have to take for her rheumatoid arthritis.

Just make sure if people ask, you explain that you are on a necessary medication that is not safe for baby, and therefore have no choice. As long as you explain before hand, instead of letting them get shots at you first, I think you'll be fine.

But, I mean, even if people choose not to breastfeed for "selfish" reasons, your opinion and judgement on their family isn't really called for. They are entitled to feed their child however they want. I wish people would get off their high horses.

happyhoopla · April 2012

I am so sorry that you're having to deal with such jerks. *hugs* You are doing exactly what is best for you, your baby, and your family. Anyone who thinks differently can shove it.

ashcart01 · April 2012

Thank you all for your responses! It has been kind of tough not freaking out on someone. I would never pass this kind of judgement or make comments to a mom who is choosing to formula feed, let alone a mom who has no choice... so it was hard for me to understand where these creeps were coming from.

I appreciate all of you If and when the freak out happens, I will be sure to post about it.

Annie234567 · April 2012

This is what lying is for. Anyone who thinks how you feed your baby is their business does not deserve an honest answer anyway. I'm sorry this happened.

shannm · April 2012

Who are these people that you are talking to? You really don't need them in your life. They sound SUPER ignorant. There are so many reasons why people have to/want to choose formula feeding and whatever works for them is the right choice.

hewinked · April 2012

I formula fed my first two kids, and I never got rude comments. Not to my face anyway. I'll never understand why people care how someone else feeds their child. You never know someone else's story/situation.

sammylee007 · April 2012

perhaps they could come and bf the baby since theyre all so "unselfish". oh no boobs? oh no milk? oh its not their baby? this is the point where u add in a sharp stfu! and be on your way. some people dont know where to draw the damn line!

there is no need to feel bad, youre making the best decision for babe, and it is your decision. dont take that garbage from anyone!

lada85 · April 2012

happyhoopla:
I am so sorry that you're having to deal with such jerks. *hugs* You are doing exactly what is best for you, your baby, and your family. Anyone who thinks differently can shove it.

Couldn't agree more.

adamstodrake · April 2012

Oh sweet heavens. I am a huge supporter of BFing, but sometimes it just cannot happen, and ya know what, baby will be just fine! My BFF has Lyme Disease and cannot nurse. Is she a bad mom? Hell no! As much as she would love to nurse, doing so could pass the Lyme onto baby. Not an option. Formula feeding (as long as baby can physically tolerate it, if not donated breast milk is a great option) gets baby fed, and that is what matters.

FlashMeyer · April 2012

hopefulmom81:
tessatewks:
I don't think kindly of people that don't breastfeed for selfish reasons, but when there's a medical reason, no judgement from me! My sister will never be able to breastfeed due to the medications she will have to take for her rheumatoid arthritis.

Just make sure if people ask, you explain that you are on a necessary medication that is not safe for baby, and therefore have no choice. As long as you explain before hand, instead of letting them get shots at you first, I think you'll be fine.
But, I mean, even if people choose not to breastfeed for "selfish" reasons, your opinion and judgement on their family isn't really called for. They are entitled to feed their child however they want. I wish people would get off their high horses.

Yes This is ridiculous. It does not affect you whether I bf or not so STFU.

tykel2012 · April 2012

OMG people amaze me. I'm planning on BFing, and I've had people tell me THAT is disgusting, if it's any consolation...

I have an insane temper without being pregnant, so you can imagine what I'm like now I say tell those a-holes my favorite line so far: "Well, it's a good thing I'm not having your kid then, isn't it?!"

sstrom22 · April 2012

Your post got my blood boiling!! Why do people feel they even have the right to ask, let alone judge you!! I am so sorry you have to deal with this. I'm guessing in any other situation you'd love to BF, but regardless of what anyone says about "everyone can BF" there are circumstances that just don't make it possible.

You're doing the right thing making sure baby is safe and if that means formula, oh well. Aren't we fortunate to HAVE the option of great formula?!?!

I'm so sorry.... hang in there. Would you feel comfortable telling people "I dont' feel comfortable discussing that, sorry." ?????

msbowling · April 2012

Honestly, I know more people that formula feed than breastfeed. Personally, I am going to try to breastfeed, but it isn't for everyone and sometimes people just can't! I totally don't blame you, and totally agree people are a-holes. It's like heeellloooooo..... in order to properly take care of my child, walking would kind of be a necessity, not saying it would be impossible otherwise, but come on. They are being selfish just for suggesting your selfishness in the matter. The nerve of some people.

crlacey · April 2012

I'm sorry you are getting negative comments like that.I wish I had some great advice, but I'm still trying to figure out what to do myself.

I understand your position though. I had a double mastectomy due to cancer and now must bottle feed. People give me funny looks, but have so far refrained from making rude comments. My DH said that the first person to make any comment will get a punch from him. I have yet to decide what my response will be to any unwelcome comments.

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