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3rd Trimester
palma44
member
What are you doing about parents/ in laws during delivery?
palma44
member
I am just curious what others plans are for your families during delivery, or how you are handling them coming to see baby. DH and I have decided that it is fine with us if family is in the waiting room but I do not want anyone but him in the delivery room. But my mom has already asked if DH will be able to call her or come to the waiting room with updates, and may be I am being a bit silly but I don't think I will want him running in and out of the room to update people or making phone calls/ text during delivery, but I also don't see a way around this since they will want to be in the waiting room..... I wanted to tell parents that we would prefer them to come up after the deliver but DH wants that families to be there, so I said ok, but now I don't want him having to leave during labor/ delivery to update people, I feel like this is a one time experience that is just about me, DH, and LO and everyone else can wait....
How are you all handling family?
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Re: What are you doing about parents/ in laws during delivery?
We're not calling anyone until after the delivery. Unfortunately, DH works with my mom, so she might be onto something if he doesn't show up to work one day around our EDD!
We've talked though and she is adamant about coming AFTER and giving us our time, so I'm not too worried.
Its your delivery and I'd honestly want DH to stick by me the entire time too. I wish people would be more respectful of what the laboring lady wants!! Good luck!
I am having a RCS and know that only my mom, dad, and DD will be in the waiting room. I am not sure if anyone else will be in waiting room like my brother or sister at this time. I know the first day I only want immediate family to visit me once I am in my maternity room because who knows what I will feel like. I want friends and others to visit the next day or after.
I know I will want a lot of time just for my DH, me, and the baby the first few hours and my DD of course who will be with my parents.
If I were having a vaginal delivery I wouldn't care who was in the waiting room as long as they knew I wouldn't have having visitors during labor and that they won't be getting play by play updates. I would just let them know that up front.
We are having a home birth. My mom, dad, sister and mother-in-law want to be in the house while I'm in labour. I'm ok with this as they have all been informed that I will more then likely just want DH in the room with me. But at least my mom and sister will be here in case I do want them.
Once the baby is born, I have made it clear that I want at least an hour to be skin to skin with the baby. After that (and I have some clothes on), they can come in and meet her. My sister isn't happy that she can't meet her right away but I am clear and my family knows better then to go against what DH and I think is best for our daughter.
I want only DH to be with me in the delivery room, and I do not want my parents or ILs to be in the waiting room. I don't want the possibility of them hearing me if I make noise, and I will know if they are there because our mothers talk non-stop and I will be able to hear them down the hall. If I know they are there I will feel pressure to perform and I will be worried that no one is looking after our dog.
Also, I want some time in the post-partum room to nurse and rest and bond, so I would really like for them to wait for a call from us before visiting us at the hospital. In fact, I'd be happiest if we just had the first meeting at home, but I doubt we'll be able to hold anyone back.
We actually have not had this conversation with them yet. They are all flying in the week before the baby is due, and we feel that is the best time to sort it all out. As it is, there has already been plenty of drama around this baby because he is the first grandchild on both sides and our parents have been waiting for him longer than we have, lol.
Only DH will be with me in the delivery room. I am a private person, and definitely would not want my mom there. (That, and I think she would FREAK!!) My parents can wait in the waiting room and hubby can give updates. My ILs live in India. I am due May 9. My MIL will be coming to visit at the end of June or early July to help out. Here is the stressful kicker. I have NO IDEA HOW long she will stay! At least 2-4 months!!!!!!! It's a cultural thing... When they come from India they stay. I am utterly FREAKED. The first month-6 weeks after delivery, my parents will help out. I dont know if they will stay with us, or just help during the day and go home in the evening... We will see. Obviously, the next 6 months feel like a MASSIVE hurdle I need to get through!
I've done this before, with both a c/s and a vbac. With this one, my DH and mom will be in the delivery room again (they were with my DS2). My dad will have my DS's, so my mom will keep him updated via call/text - and i'm sure i'll even chat with them on the phone a bit when it's early on. Once I get close, i'll have my mom let my dad know to bring my DS's up and wait in the waiting room. Once I have the baby, i'll get all cleaned/stitched up (pending I have another vbac that is) and i'll head over to my post-partum room. I want to at the very least change my gown and get a bra on, maybe even put my own gown and robe on, then i'll have my DS's come in and meet the baby. I'm very adament that I want them the first ones to meet the baby. Of course my parents will be there, but they agreed to see the baby really quick, then head off and grab lunch in the cafe or something. Once we get some time to bond as just our family (DS's, DH, baby and I) my parents can come back. DH will then call his mom and give her the okay. I just want immediate family, DH's brother's, my grandma, and my/DH's best friend's to visit in the hospital. I don't need a trail of visitors. Then when I get home it will depend how I feel, etc. I'll have to jump right back into being a super mom, with school drop offs, etc - so it's not like i'll just be sitting home twiddling my thumbs waiting for visitors. And all this above depends on when I give birth/what time, etc.
DS - 7.2006 - C-Section b/c Breech
DS2 - 4.2008 - Successful Vbac
DD - 5.2012 - Successful Vbac
It's looking like both my mom and MIL will be arriving a few days before my due date. My mom lives on the other side of Canada, and my MIL lives in Chile. So they are both travelling a bit and want to be there to meet the baby.
I've made it clear that for the first few days I want them there to help. I want someone at home to take care of my dogs, take phone calls, maybe help out with some household chores so that my husband doesn't get stuck with them when we get home. I don't want anyone in the hospital with me other than my husband. My husband thinks it would be okay to have them in the waiting room if that's what they want. But then I know they'll either be popping in or out or he'll be popping in and out. It also defeats the purpose of them coming to help.
I'd like to call them to meet us at the hospital a few hours after the birth.
I think it depends on how supportive they are and how comfortable you feel. I had my birth plan and emailed my mom, DH and MIL. I set out certain rules (i.e. no cell phones, no pictures until after LO was cleaned up and I had a chance to run a brush through my hair etc.) Some of these were followed, some of them were not:( In addition, my DH really struggled to be supportive as he felt so helpless and my MIL just stared at me like I was doing a one woman rendition of the Excorcist. My labor was very fast and there was no time for an epi or any other meds. My mother was fantastic, very supportive and calming.
This time, I hope to have my MIL take care of my son and my DH, Mom and BF in the delivery room. It's hard thought because MIL already thinks she gets to be in there because she was last time. I applaud you ladies for standing your ground!
I think I have convinced DH that I don't want anyone sitting around in the hospital waiting to pounce on me as soon as the baby is born. He didn't initially understand why I wouldn't be welcoming everyone to come in and see us immediately. I want to have a chance to clean up and recover a little bit, feed my son, and let us bond as a family without spectators. I don't have a problem with them visiting, but I can't see the point in having MIL in the waiting room for what may be 15-18 hours of labor. (????) Everyone will get a call that we're heading to the hospital, but I told him to also say that they'll be informed when the baby has arrived so they can drive up then (MIL may be any where from 1-3 hours away, depending on whether she's visiting with BIL or at home and my family is 2.5 hours away).
Visiting hours at our hospital are also limited to 12-8 pm. So, if DS is born in the morning hours or late evening, they can't come in for awhile anyway. I don't want anyone but DH with me during labor and delivery. I wouldn't have minded my own mother, but if I give preference to her I'll never hear the end of it (never mind that I'm obviously going to be closer to her than my MIL in a time of stress, and may want her nearby...).
OP, one thing to consider is that labors can be *long*. I completely understand not wanting YH to be running out to the waiting room every 30 minutes with updates, but you may also want to send the poor guy out for food or fresh air, depending on how your labor progresses. Given that labors can go for more than 24 hours (although certainly not the norm), I'm also surprised that YH wants people in the waiting room. Has he thought that they may be there a whole day? That would probably be pretty stressful for both of you. Maybe you should talk about your plans again, and run through some different scenarios. What happens if your progression is slow, etc? Perhaps a good compromise would be to call people when you get to 9 or 10 cm, instead of having them wait through the whole labor. That way you'll also get YH near you for the whole process (without the waiting room updates).
I'm having a RCS, so my situation is a bit different. I'll go in 2 hours before surgery, and then be in recovery for 2-3 hours after surgery. Our hospital is very focused on skin-to-skin contact and early BFing, so while I'm being sewn up, DH will be in recovery doing s2s with baby. Then I'll join him for more s2s/bonding/breastfeeding. For a CS, our hospital won't even allow people up to the maternity floor until you've settled in after recovery, and their lobby waiting area is not very comfortable. (They also point this out repeatedly during the tour so families get the message to stay home until the baby is born!) We're setting family expectations that they shouldn't expect to come to the hospital until around 6 hours after I get there, and we'll call them when we're out of recovery. MIL is not happy. But, hospital policy! Nothing I can do!
With our first, I was induced so we knew exactly when we were going in. My mom had mentioned in passing wanting to be there, but never followed up, so I was fine with that.
I went in at 10pm to be induced, we gave both sets of parents an update once the sun rose (which was around when I started pushing). Then after baby was born a few hours later, my husband went out and made the calls. My dad was there in record time (mom was stuck at work). My mom came later that evening, and my in laws were there in the afternoon. The next day was the crazy day. My aunt and uncle came (we're not super-close, so I thought it a bit odd) and brought their two elementary age boys (I was NOT thrilled about that at all). It was a freaking party in my room. My hospital has a very open visiting policy, I wish it was more restrictive.
This time around, everything is lining up for me to go early. My mom started talking about wanting to be there to help take care of me during labor. I was very clear I only wanted DH there with me, plus, she will be taking care of our 2 year old daughter. My dad is great, but I think he'd have a hard time getting our daughter to sleep, waking her up, getting her breakfast and all that jazz.
I am hoping that the visitors will be less since this is a second baby. However, I think both my husband and I will be way more assertive this time around.
It makes me sad to hear so many women struggling with this
(I am too)
I've already told my fiance that it will just be us two in the room for labor and delivery. I've also told him that I'll want alone time with us three after LO is born. His family lives close, while mine lives 500 miles away so the only visitors will be his family. He originally thought they'd be in the room with us, when I said no he thought they'd sit in the waiting room (no), then he thought they'd come right after he's born (no).
My compromise was telling him that they can come a few hours after he's born, depending what time that is. But when it comes down to it, if I don't want any visitors at the hospital at all I'm just going to say no and I don't feel bad about it. I mean, it's not like I'm never going to let anyone see my son for his entire life. I'm the only one who will be giving birth, whether it's vaginally or by c-section. I'll just want some time to enjoy him by myself after I've been poked and prodded and groped by doctors for the prior 9 months FFS.
If people think I'm a meanie-head for it, then oh well. I just know that when my kids are grown and having their own children, I'm going to ask what they want first instead of assuming anything.
DH and I initially went around about his, I don't want his family there - I feel like this is a medical situation in which I am at the center, and I want my privacy, as well as time to bond as a family before the flood of visitors begins. The only people that will be at the hospital will be my parents, and DH is the only one in the delivery room.
His parents/family can come after we've been home a few days, though I would prefer they stay away permanately, but we have major in law drama, caused by his dad - we haven't seen his family in the last 2 years and they only make an effort when they want money - we've talked to them less than 10 times in that time period. This may sound harsh, but our relationship is better when they're not around, and I'd prefer to keep it that way.
I guess I should really find out for SURE/let them know my wishes... but I don't think my ILs or even my parents will come during labor. They would have to be on crack to think I would allow them in the room while I labored and especially when I am delivering. The only way that would change is if I decide in the midst of it that I want my mommy (I am a baby when in pain or sick and who takes better care of you then your mom) - but mom lives 10 minutes from the hospital so if I decided I wanted her to be there no big deal for her to drive to the hospital but no I don't anticipate anyone being in the waiting room and honestly don't see why they would want to - who knows how long we will all be in labor for. I don't want any visitors for at minimum a few hours after the baby comes. I feel like it is important for DH and I to bond with the baby on our own.
If I were you, I would tell your DH that you weren't and still aren't comfortable knowing all those people are in the waiting room just waiting for you to deliver but were willing to get over that, but you absolutely WON'T give in to him providing the waiting room with updates either in person or via cell phone while you are in labor. So its his call if he still wants them there knowing full well that updates won't be given, fine...but if he can't deal with that then there will be no visitors in the waiting room at all until you are ready.
Make a pregnancy ticker
This. NO ONE will be notified of the labor until after I deliver and we feel up for guests. At that point H will call my family and his. Both families have been given fair warning. There is no way I'm wavering on it.
My theory about how can be with me in the delivery room? If you weren't there while baby was conceived, you don't need to be there while she's being delivered!
Needless to say, only my husband will be with me during my labor. Family is welcome to wait in the waiting room if they are okay with not getting any updates unless it's from a nurse or doctor. DH will not be flying back and forth giving every small detail. Once the baby is checked and cleaned and I've had a chance to shower and relax, any and all visitors will be welcomed!