I honestly don't know how much more I can take, and I know you ladies will understand. I didn't post my BFP on here because I haven't been posting on here that long... and I know a lot of you are also on IF or PAIF anyway.
But the backstory: beta #1 (11dp3dt) = 106. Beta #2 (13dp3dt) = 140, AKA beta hell. This is coming off of a spectacularly failed IVF #1, plus a litany of NIFR miseries. In the past couple of months, I've lost 2 goats (including one of my favorite adult goats and a baby girl from my favorite goat of all time), 1 cow, and a ton of baby chicks that arrived to my farm dead on the morning of ET #1. (We're a small farm, not a big ranch, so all of these losses are personal, and also hurt us financially.) Just a couple days ago I came home to find a dead rooster HUNG, yes HUNG, from the pasture fence where my livestock guard dogs live. On the bright side, my dogs hadn't eaten the rooster, and they used to have a problem with that. On the down side, there was a creepy-ass dead rooster hanging from my fence. It was like some macabre scene from a horror movie. And I'm like, this is my life? Really?
So now, a few hours after I texted my best friend about my possible impending miscarriage, I get a text from her with... you guessed it... a very, very positive FRER. (It it possible for the test line to be darker than the control line?) My IC from today looks slightly lighter than it did yesterday. I'm feeling crampy and I'm fully expecting to find out on Monday that I was officially pregnant for all of 10 days.
I hate to be a whiner but I just have to get this out... why is this so hard? Why is the only luck I seem to find bad luck? Why can't I get tossed a bone every once in a while? I'm hanging on by a thread here and I just feel like if there's any chance of this pregnancy sticking I'm wrecking it by being such an emotional, stressed basket case.
ETA: Oh, I forgot to mention that this friend has been fighting like crazy with her boyfriend and wasn't planning on getting pregnant until they could work things out.
Severe MFI. Me: supposedly all clear but eggs showed vacuoles.
IVF #1 January 2012, ER Jan 14th: 34R, 27M, 23F. Day 3: 18 embies still strong. Day 5: zero "good," one "fair," the rest "poor." Transferred 3. None made it to blast or to freeze. Jan 28: BFN.
Lucky IVF #2: Transferred two beautiful day three embies on St. Patrick's Day. BFP on HPT 7dp3dt. Beta 1 (14dpER)=106; Beta 2 (16dpER)=140; Beta 3 (19dpER)=264! First u/s 4.17.
Hope is the thing with feathers - that perches in the soul - and sings the tune without the words - and never stops - at all - (Emily Dickinson)
Re: are you up there, God? it's me, farmerlynda.
So sorry you are in beta hell. I've been there twice and it honestly has been some of the hardest weeks of my life. Not knowing what is going on and holding on to the teeny tiny thread of hope that we are given after all of the hell we've been through is just pure torture. I have no advice on how to get through it because I was 100% crazycakes during my beta hells. I just leaned on my hubby alot. And my family. And I just let it all out- the crying, the sadness, the anxiety. Sorry about your very unsupportive friend. Honestly, i'd lose it. She clearly does not understand at all what you are going through. I'm sorry. Hang in there. I hope you get some answers soon.
DH: Severe MFI/Azoo Me: Compound heterozygous MTHFR
IVF #1= m/c- methotrexate @6w2d
FET #1= BFN
IVF #2= m/c- D&C @8w5d
IVF #3= Beta #1 9dp5dt= 252, Beta #2 11dp5dt= 417, Beta #3 17dp5dt= 4,952
US #2 @ 7w2d= twins, baby B measuring behind
US #3 @ 8w5d= Baby A doing well, no HR in baby B
*S/PAIF always welcome*
I just posted on IF about this, but wanted to add my support for you here, too. I am praying that you are just being tested this one last time but that this IS your take home baby and you are going to have such a beautiful turnaround now! Sincere best wishes honey, I wish this were easier ...hugs and sticky baby prayers to you.
and p.s. ~ sooo sorry about your losses
Thanks so much for the kind words, everyone... they really mean the world. The only people who really "get it' is MH and you all... and of course, being a man, he doesn't really understand the stress of all the drama taking place inside your body.
I'm hoping for the best, and feeling a little better since letting my rant out Thanks for listening.
Severe MFI. Me: supposedly all clear but eggs showed vacuoles.
IVF #1 January 2012, ER Jan 14th: 34R, 27M, 23F. Day 3: 18 embies still strong. Day 5: zero "good," one "fair," the rest "poor." Transferred 3. None made it to blast or to freeze. Jan 28: BFN.
Lucky IVF #2: Transferred two beautiful day three embies on St. Patrick's Day. BFP on HPT 7dp3dt. Beta 1 (14dpER)=106; Beta 2 (16dpER)=140; Beta 3 (19dpER)=264! First u/s 4.17.
Hope is the thing with feathers - that perches in the soul - and sings the tune without the words - and never stops - at all - (Emily Dickinson)
::: Married June 2003:::
TTC #1 since: Aug. 2008
Me: 34, DOR, MTHFR-A1298C (heterozygous), decreased blood flow to uterus, Mild Endo
DH: 38, Balanced translocation 5&10, unexplained MFI, normal SA and SCSA
Tx History: IUI 1&2= BFN
IVF# 1 W/ICSI= BFN
IVF# 2: cancelled d/t no response
IVF# 3= 1 egg retrieved=immature/not viable
IVF# 4= c/p
***CCRM ODWU***
Found DHs BT and Me-decreased blood flow to uterus
Recommended DE IVF w/PGD, incorporate electro-acupuncture. Decided to cycle locally
***New RE***
DE IVF# 1(cycle #6) w/pgd, (freeze all): 30R, 23M, 15F, slow/poor embryo development, 4 biopsied, 1 Normal "Norm"; DE IVF w/PGD, incorporate electro-acupuncture.
IVF# 6: (OE/DS) cancelled
IVF# 7: (OE/DS) 1R, 1M, 1F, arrested day 5
Plan-DE IVF# 2 (cycle #8): DE/DS in May 2015
http://icanhazbabyz.blogspot.com/
You are to sweet to be going through this!! ((Huge Hugs))
I have been where you are so I completely understand. Just keep reminding yourself that today you are pregnant and try to distract yourself as much as possible. Preferrably with happy, calming things (not dead roosters... ick! I'm so sorry about that... you find out who did it and I'll throat punch them for you!). Any chance hubby can pick up a little bit of slack today to try to help shield you from anymore of those unwanted discoveries? I really really hope that you get a great beta result tomorrow... Lots of T&Ps for you, your DH and your wonderful little animals!
Positive for HLA-B27, I'm a mutant
Testing - Me ok, gluten issue? DH - borderline count, low motility
4/28/11 IUI#1 = BFP!(5/25), EDD 2/2/12 - m/c 5w3d
7/3, 7/31, 9/25 - IUI#2-4=BFN
IVF#1 - 1 blast = BFP!! (12/30), EDD 9/9/12, confirmed c/p 4w2d
FET#1 3/2/12 - 2 blasts =BFP!! EDD 11/18/12, us#1 = twins! Confirmed m/c 5w6d
4/20-surprise BFP and another c/p 4w2d
FET#2 7/16/12 - 2 blasts = BFN
FET#3 8/20/12 - 1 blast - BFP!! Beta #1-2=177, 354
1st u/s 5w6d, one beautiful little HB , 2nd u/s 146bpm
baby girl born 5/10/13
TTC#2 since 12/17/2014, Cycle 8
Repeat Testing...FSH=12, AMH=3.8, AFC=28.
IUI#5 5/10/15- c/p?
IVF#2 8/19/15 - cancelled due to cysts
IVF#2 take two 10/2015 - 5 blasts frozen
FET#4 12/11/2015 - BFN - 4 blasts remaining
FET#5 2/18/16 - BFP!!! Beta1-3, 126, 250, 745!!
Tons of love and ((hugs)) to my IF sister NMscubagirl
Hugs. I'm so sorry you are in beta hell. I hope you have a little fighter in there. Don't give up.
And I'm sorry about your animal losses lately... That is just awful.
IVF #1 w ICSI in July 2010 = BFN
IVF #2.1 in Oct 2010 converted to IUI = BFN
IVF #2.2 w ICSI in Dec 2010 = BFN
Met with new RE in new city on 1/31/11.
IVF #3 w ICSI in April 2011. HPT on 5/9 = BFP!
Beta #1 on 5/10 (10dp5dt) = 99.4. Beta #2 on 5/12 = 284. First u/s on 5/26. = Fraternal TWINS!
Twin boys born & lost on 8/16/11 at 18w1d due to PPROM & preterm labor.
IVF #4.1 in Jan 2012 converted to IUI on 1/7/12 = BFN
IVF #4.2 w ICSI in Feb 2012. Lupron on 2/10. Stims on 2/18. ER on 2/29- 7R,6F
ET scheduled for 3/5/12- nothing to transfer
Dh seeing new MFI uro & Dh starting meds- June 2012.
IVF #5 in Dec 2012 = BFFN.
IVF #6 planned for Spring 2013. Praying for our take home baby/ies.
**P/SAIF and P/SAL always welcome!**
I am sorry hon. I def. know about feeling like the only luck that I have is terrible luck.
I hope your betas increase and this works out to be your take home baby. ((hugs))
Me: PCOS, Blood/Immune Issues DH: Low all 3
Jun.- Sep. 2010 IUI#1-#3 = BFN
Oct. 2010 = IVF #1 = B/G Twins (passed away Feb. 2011)
May 2011 = Myomectomy and trans-abdominal cerclage (TAC)
Sep. 2011 = Surprise BFP = C/P
Feb. 2012 = sFET #1 = BFN
Feb.2012 = Hail Mary IUI #4 = BFN
April/May 2012 = FET #2 w/our last two embies = BFP (Please let this be it!)
Beta #1 8dp5/6dt = 234 Beta #2 10dp5/6dt = 695 Beta #3 12dp5/6dt = 1796 Beta #4 17dp5/6dt = 17,888 U/S #1 May 17, 2012 = Twins
Baby B's heart stop beating at 9 weeks 5 days
Our little miracle baby is a boy.
Baby Boy Owen and Baby Girl Avery were born too early on Feb. 13, 2011 due to a pedunculated fibroid, incompetent cervix and suspected placental abruption.
"What the heart has once owned and had, it shall never lose." - Henry Ward Beecher
SAIF/PAIF Welcome
Lots of love and luck to my PAIF/3T/IF Veteran ladies, especially my dear friend Zookie. Congrats to Papps, Teach84 and Starbuck on their little ones.
IUI#4 1/23/13 on 75iu x9 Follistim = BFP then chem preg m/c (Feb 2013)
IUI#5 BFN (April 2013)
S/PAIFW , S/PALW
My Blog
I'm sorry you're dealing with so much. Just one of those things alone would be more than enough!
I had a similar journey -- IVF1 was a BFN and IVF2 was an early m/c. I literally started spotting 12 hours after my positive HPT. I m/c 3 days later. I honestly don't know which was worse -- the shock and sadness of a BFN or the sick joke of having a BFP ripped away from you.
I'm praying that you'll be one of the lucky ones that comes out of beta hell with a happy ending.
(((HUGS)))
beta#1 3/21 (14dp3dt)=413, beta#2 3/23 (16dp3dt)=785, u/s 4/11
EDD 11/25/12
**SAIFW**
3 failed IVF with OE and 2 failed frozen DE cycles
Last fresh hail mary DE cycle starting Feb 2013
PAIF/SAIF always welcome
ditto E
sorry for the beta hell. i hope it ends with a sticky BFP.
(HUGS)
Worrying does not empty tomorrow of its troubles, It empties today of its strength. ~Corrie ten Boom
Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is the little voice at the end of the day that says I'll try again tomorrow. ~Mary Anne Radmacher (thank you beadinglady)
It's been a long journey. TTC since 9/06. multiple IUI's and IVF's and 4 m/c's. IVF#3 = BFP, twins, induced at 34w6d due to baby b passing away (no explanation). Delivered on 35w1d, Baby A - baby girl, and Baby B - baby boy, our little angel.
MTHFR A1298C & C677T, Immune Issues and Factor II
me 33/DH 36
ttc since 10/2008; d/x: mild MFI, stageII endo
~~PAIF/SAIF Welcome~~
11 IUI’s = 1 m/c (7w4d)
IVF#1 January 2012 BFN, FET #1 April 2012 BFN
Surprise BFP October 2012 m/c (7w), Surprise BFP April 2013 m/c (6w4d)
IVF #2: July 2013, ET 1 embryo 7/18, beta 1 @ 14dp3dt - 757, beta 2 @ 16dp3dt - 1762
U/S 1 @ 6w4d = 1 little frogger with HB of 118, U/S 2 @ 7w3d measuring right on track with HB of 160
Stick Frogger Stick! Please!!!!!!!!!!!!! It's a Girl, EDD April 7, 2014
:::Kicks IF in the balls:::
IF is not fair sweets, and it seems that life has really thrown you way too many curve balls over the last little while. I am so sorry. I really hope that you get the surprise of your life on Monday. I am thinking of you.
xo
Me - DX Hashimoto's Disease, Hypothyroid, Rheumatoid Arthritis
DH - DX Azoospermia - Sertoli Cell Syndrome
DS-IUI #1-4 BFN IVF #1 - BFP! It's a boy!!!
I'm so sorry all of this has come crashing down on u. U must be so overwhelmed, with good reason.
Praying that ur beta looks great tomorrow, and u have a sticky baby in there.
TTC #1 since 8/1/10; Me:41 and BRCA1+, DH:46
DOR (FSH 24.3)/ terrible egg quality ; homozygous MTHFR c677t
5 IUI's: 2/11 to 6/11 and 1/12= BFN
OE IVF#1-4 8/11-6/12= all BFN
DE IVF#1 11/12 bad embryos= BFN
DE IVF #2 2/13 BFP/Beta hell: m/c 5w6d
CFNBC 7 months, not doing well; decided on guarantee program at RBA w/frozen DE
DE IVF #3 1/14 ET 4BB; BFP;M/C 5w1d, incomplete m/c; MVA extraction in ER 7w1d
DE FET#1 ET 3/1714; BFP, beta 1 3/27= 197, beta 2 3/31= 1586, beta 3 4/7= 13879!!
First u/s= Twins with HBs at 6w2d! We are Team Pink x 2!!
K & K born 11/21/14 at 38wks 4 days
SAIF/PAIF Welcome
http://waitingforraintostop.wordpress.com
Take care of yourself.
2/06 - surprise pregnancy - twins
3/06 - m/c 1st baby at 6 weeks
5/06 -2nd baby had no heartbeat at 14 wks.
D&E - Bled out. Blood transfusions. Week in ICU - Cheated Death!
Diagnosis: Blood clotting and bleeding disorder, immune issues, & cervical stenosis
5/10 - 1st IVF cycle - BFN
FET - 10/12/10 - BFN
1/11 - IVF with PGD - BFN
IVF - May - BFN
6/11 New RE - fingers crossed!
9/11 - IVF - 4 transferred
10/13 - BFP!!
It's a boy! Clint Michael, Due in June!!!
Baby boy Henry born 2015.
Expecting our capstone baby (boy) early March 2018.
TTC #1 since 3/10:
DX: Me-PCOS, retroverted/ tilted ute - DH- MFI, DH-4 mo of Clomid therapy= no improvement. Weekly HCG injections.
Me-34, DH-33
HSG- unsuccessful, SHSG (dialated)-no blockages
7/11-Clomid (unmonitored) BFN,
#1 Fresh IVF 9/11: w/ ICSI & AH (only option): (1 transfered, 8BF) = BFN!!
#2 FET: 2 transferred (2 6BF) 12/11 = BFFN!!
Surprise + HPT on break! 2/12 Beta 1: 6 Beta 2: <5 = c/p ( RE had given me provera... So pretty sure this ruined everything)<BR> #3 Fresh IVF 3/12: w/ ICSI & AH (2 transfered 8BF & 7BF, 1 to freeze) = BFMFN!
New RE 5/12
6/14 Hysteroscopy
#4 Fresh IVF 8/12: 5dt of 2 5AB blasts = BFN!... what else is new?!?
New RE insists its a transfer issue, immunology checked & good
#5 IVF FET 1/13 under anesthesia : Two 5 day blasts transferred
+ HPT!! Beta1: 2315 Beta2: 6442 Beta3: 31,061
First u/s 1/30/13: Shows 1 healthy heartbeat!!
Was he was right? I wasted 4 IVF's and the doctors were not getting the catheter in?!?
~~ Bump Bestie/ IRL Lynn0926 ~~
TTC since March/April 2010
DX: MFI - less than 1 million sperm, 26% motility
DH put on anastrozole to increase counts
June/July 2011 100 mg Clomid + TS IUI#1 & IUI 2 - BFN :-(
Forced break due to DH getting spinal surgery in August 2011
IVF - January 2012: BFN
FET in April 2012 - BFP at 6dp5dt! Beta #1 at 9dp5dt: 82.5, Beta #2 at 12dp5dt: 352 Beta #3 at 19dp5dt: 6000, saw heartbeat and one little bean at 5W6D!
After nearly 3 years of waiting our LO was born December 18th 2012!
Callan George and Bennett Charles born and died 11/7/10
FET #1 April 2011= BFN
FET #2 July 2011= no transfer because my lining sucked
FET #3 February 2012= BFP! 1st beta 9dp5dt=314 2nd beta 11dp5dt=977 1st U/S 3/20 Twins- Heart rates of 111 and 138
Living After Losing