FI comparing behaviors - need some advice!
I am brand new here and have a situation with my FI that I?d like some advice on. He has a 6 year old son from a previous relationship and I have a 4 year old daughter with my ex husband. FI has S every other w/e. Whenever S is around my daughter FI compares their behaviors and points out to me how much better behaved S is than my daughter. FI has a great relationship with DD but says that being with DD makes him miss S. I am TTC now and it worries me that whenever we have our baby that being around him or her will cause him to miss S and that he?ll always put S on such a high pedestal. I?ve approached FI about this and he becomes very defensive and irritable about the fact that he only sees S every other w/e and says that I shouldn?t complain because the time we spend with S is so limited. I want to be understanding of that but he is always telling me how he hopes our baby turns out more like S than my daughter. How should I handle this?
Re: FI comparing behaviors - need some advice!
THIS! WTF who says that?!?
Please put yourself in your daughters shoes. Her stepdad is constantly feeling negative thoughts about her and comparing her unfavorably to other kids.
Really?
Your child is the most important person and the only person you are directly responsible for. Drop the tool and find someone who deserves to have your daughter in his life
I could have written everything you posted (except for FI saying that about your kid). I actually made a post extremely similar to yours a couple days ago and as someone pointed out in that thread...he has his son every other weekend and the poster in my thread was right, that is not at all enough time for him to really even know his son. All he has is a handful of days a month and it's all roses when his son is around. There is nothing you can do about how he sees his son and if you were to have a another child with him hopefully he would love your child as much.
But how he talks about YD....NO WAY would I ever allow that and I agree with PP that I would not be ttc with him. You need to have a serious talk with him and tell him that is not ok. If he can't correct that behavior I wouldn't be with someone that doesn't treat my child with respect, whether it is to her face or not.
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"Karma1969: If baking someone a birthday pie/cake is romantic, I must be a slut."
This!
This. I don't get the planned pregnancies prior to getting married. Make it as far as the alter then enjoy your marriage a bit!
If he is saying negative things about your daughter now, imagine how he will compare her to the child that the two of you will have together.
Get his head in the right mindset first (as in family counseling STAT!), then decide whether or not you want to bring a child into this relationship.
The role of a parent is to protect and raise the child to the best of the parents ability and to the best of the child's potential.
You need to protect your MUCH YOUNGER (seriously, the maturity and educational levels of a 4 yo are so much different from a 6 yo) child from your emotionally stunted boyfriend.
And your BFs 6 yo son needs to be parented, not put on a pedestal.
Why try counseling with someone that is being so negative about your kid that they do not want their future kid to be like her? You are not married, LEAVE now before it becomes harder. And notice all but one person here says not to have a kid with him, do not ignore this advice and then be shocked when things get worse for your DD when a little one is born, I cannot imagine how if he is being negative before marriage he will start treating everyone great when he has a kid with you.
I can understand it... when you feel like you are getting older and want more kids, you can be in a rush (that was me!). It's a bad decision, and one I regret, as much as I want the baby I am currently carrying and love my dh. But I wish I had waited because there is so much stress right now between me and dh it is so hard. In your case OP, I would definitely put ttc on hold based on what your FI is saying- it is unacceptable.