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Toddler is an angel with everyone else....except me!

rosiep05rosiep05
in Toddlers: 24 Months+

I've heard time and time again from daycare and my parents who watch him at times that DS is an absolute angel when he's with them. He eats everything, he plays nice, he hugs, he kisses, he's just "perfect." Stick out tongue

...and then I come home and all hell breaks loose. The tantrums start, dinner flys across the room, time outs don't work, and he just completely acts up with me and only me...he's fine with daddy...but with me, Nope.

What gives? I try to do a little bit of mommy-and-me time when I get home from work so he gets my full attention, but it doesn't seem to be working.

 

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Re: Toddler is an angel with everyone else....except me!

  • EastCoastBrideEastCoastBride member

    A couple things -

    I'll bet you that most of this is that he simply feels safe with you.  He puts on a good face all day for everyone, but it can be hard.  So when he gets home and is in his safe place, he lets the frustrations of the day out.  This means that he feels unconditionally loved by you and knows that no matter what he does - you'll still love him and be there for him. 

    A part of it could be, too, that he also knows what he can "get away with" with you.  Our DCP is no nonsense w/ the kids - she has to be, she usually has 6 at any given time and she needs for them to listen to her.

    DS knows that I'm not always going to be as "no nonsense" as she is and he'll absolutely push those boundaries!  

    So, it could be a little of that too.  But honestly, I think most of it is that your his safe place/person. 

    "Beer is living proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy."
    ~Benjamin Franklin

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  • rosiep05rosiep05

    Dude, don't make me cry!!!

    Crying

    I guess I'd rather he act that way with me vs. with my parents or daycare! Sigh.

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  • MsMonica's1stMsMonica's1st member

    WOW you just told my story......I guess we just be grateful they are well behaved around others.  I've even gotten to the point where I just sit there and cry because I don't know what else to do.  She'll come and tell me "sorry momma" and that makes it better BUT only for a while.  Then she starts again.

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  • rosiep05rosiep05
    imageMsMonica's1st:

    WOW you just told my story......I guess we just be grateful they are well behaved around others.  I've even gotten to the point where I just sit there and cry because I don't know what else to do.  She'll come and tell me "sorry momma" and that makes it better BUT only for a while.  Then she starts again.

    My little "angel" will say 'Sorry momma' too after a few minutes of being a devil! It's like HE KNOWSSSSS!!! Angry

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  • schnappycatschnappycat member

    That's totally normal and it's the same story for me and all of my friends. My mom even said that I was an angel around other people as a child, so I think it's a tale as old as time. I always get much more positive reports from teachers and other people who watch my kids. It's fine with me in a way because I'd rather have them behaving when it "counts" than the opposite.

    They know they can get away with more around you, most likely. Or they just like to push your buttons to see how you react. Very normal. 

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  • MamatoA2010MamatoA2010 member
    Totally 100% normal. DD (2 years old) does this with me too. It means they feel safe and unconditionally loved by you which is what PP's have said.
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  • LoveEeyoreLoveEeyore member

    Definitely normal.  Even as adults, when we're feeling testy or tired, we treat the ones we love most the worst.  It is safe.

    My kids are angels out in public.  I can walk through toys r us or the grocery store for an hour without a scene- just happy calm kids, flirting with anyone who looks their way.  I can take hem to restaurants and people coo or talk like "Oh my aren't you cute," big and exaggerated voices and they feed off that- they get how people react to them.  But the minute we are home they are let loose with the fighting, whining, pestering...

    I tell my self that it's a good sign that they recognize that there is a time and a place.  That at home, they impact just the family, but in public they represent the family.  Pipedream, maybe, but gets me through, LOL!

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  • dragon_chicadragon_chica member
    Let me throw a little bit of child development into this.  We're social beings.  Therefore, as social beings one would normally know that you have to behave a certain way when you're out in public.  Kids see their parents behaving well, they see adults and other family members and friends behaving well.  They're learning those social cues from us and realize they should behave in a certain way.  So with that, coupled with them being toddlers these kids are holding in their abundance of energy, reining it in to be more socially acceptable.  Once they get home that's when they start to diffuse.  I see it all the time in my classroom.  I teach Kindergarten and I've had parents nervously ask me how their child is doing.  A lot of them will have a look of shock when I say their child behaves well.  I try to explain to them that they hold it all in until they get home and explode.  I've heard of some kids crying the moment they are strapped into the car.  I also tell them it's because they're the parents and I'm the teacher.  They feel comfortable lashing out on someone they love because they know they'll be forgiven.
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