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Toddlers: 12 - 24 Months
KGF625
member
Tell me the good, the bad, and the ugly of having 2.
KGF625
member
I am 25 weeks tomorrow with my second little boy and as we are preparing the room and getting closer to our due date I have moments of panic, sadness, and sometimes regret. Don't flame! Not regret where I want to do anything about it or feel depressed, but a moment every once in a while where I am like Oh ***, did we do the right thing?! Will Kingston love having a brother? Will we love his brother as much as we love him? Would we have been better off being able to focus all of our time and energy on the one we already have instead of splitting our time?! Kingston will be 2 years and 10 days old when his brother is born. We got lucky with him, he is really an amazing little boy who rarely gives anyone a hard time, is very smart, and lovable! My family adores him and I worry they won't adore this one as much, I know that sounds nuts right?! I worry about that with myself too. So tell me how it really is once you have two, and if you felt this way or feel this way how are you dealing with it all?
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Re: Tell me the good, the bad, and the ugly of having 2.
Everything you are feeling is totally normal. I knew I would love DS2, but it was very hard to imagine loving anyone as much as I love DS1. As I'm sure you've heard, your heart just expands. As soon as you see that new baby, you will know that you love him just as much. The same will happen with your family.
It's normal to worry about the affect it will have on your first. My oldest loves having a brother and actually tells us we should have another baby. He will never remember life without his brother. I hope that my boys will be best friends and that's a great gift. You do have to split your time, but just try to remember to focus on them one on one when you can. We take DS1 to do things by himself and have started that w/ DS2 now that he's getting a little older. I love having 2 boys, they are a constant source of joy (and frustration!)
GL with your new little one! Enjoy this time with your first too before things get crazy!
Having DD when I did was the best decision we made. We wanted them super close, and were thrilled to have them 18 months apart. They love each other. Seriously. They are always kissing each other, laughing at each other, etc. They will literally entertain each other for 30-60 minutes straight. It's awesome.
When DD was first born, DS ignored her for the most part. Then he warmed up and wanted to "help". Help her with her bottle, give her the pacifier, etc. Now, he wants to be around her (and her him) all the time. He loves playing with her, giving her kisses, etc.
Don't worry - it will work out, you'll love them both - and it will be a great decision to have them so close!
At the times at when I feel like I am short changing DS1, I try to think of the long term. In other words, I am giving them the gift of each other, a life long relationship to care and support one another.
I honestly long for the free time I had when we only had one. I read that when i was pregnant with #2 and didn't really believe it, but its true. I also learned that a year of chicken nuggets and living on cereal isn't going to hurt anyone, but if it keeps you sane and not spending what free time you have cooking, so be it.
There are certainly times its hard but its well worth it.
The good: there is nothing more amazing than watching your children play together. DS and DD can just look at each other and laugh for about 20 minutes-- they have "conversations" and love each other sooooo much, it almost breaks my heart with joy.
The bad: sometimes I feel like I am forced into halfway-parenting both or ignoring one while I handle the other. Those times are decreasing, but still happen.
The ugly: If both kids are crying but not in danger, tend to the toddler. They will remember, while the infant will not.
Good- DS1 is amazingly sweet towards his brither, and always has been. He met DS2 at 20 minutes old, and acted as though he's always been here.
I love having both of my boys, and think they'll be best friends.
Bad- When both get hungry or need attenton at the same time. You kinda want to tend to the infant with the mindset that DC1 is able to entertain/feed himself; so just throw him some puffs and a sippy while you take care of the baby. I was very unprepared for the balancing act.
Ugly- DS1 has a cold and is teething molars, so he's refusing to eat. DS1 cluster feeds in the morning and late afternoon and is gassy in between meals, making his needs literally a constant thing. It's hard not to be [irrationally] frustrated at DS1 because you just want the baby to not cry, and that's all DS1 is doing, too!
It's really hard at first, but you get in the swing of things and then can't imagine your life any other way! Although, I do wish H would let me sleep in and HIM get up with the boys just once...
Everyone's experience will be completely different. Some people have siblings who love each other...some could care less about each other and some downright hate their sibling.
I was fortunate (and surprised) to have an older child who loves, loves, loves, his little brother. They are both easy and yet difficult in different ways. One is very clingy and the other is independent. The clingy one is easy to console and the independent one is not. They are completely different kids in so many ways so caring for them together is not something I could have anticipated at all. But again, they love each other so much so I'm lucky with that :-)
Cam 6.6.10 - Autism, Global Developmental Delay, Mixed Receptive/Expressive Communication Disorder
The GOOD: Nothing, and I mean nothing, brings me more joy in life than seeing how much my two LO's love eachother. They are inseperable. Right now they are watching TV sideby side on the couch and DD has her head resting on DS's shoulder.
The BAD: In our house the cons of having two kids are mostly financial. Two are a lot more expensive than one, especially if they are opposite sexes because you can't reuse any of the clothes, shoes, coats, bathing suits, etc. Also, now that DD is a little older, we can't get away with just buying for DS when it comes to certain things. She knows if he is getting something and she's not.
The UGLY: It's exausting and your own needs get pushed back even further than they already are.. Two kids means two people demanding things from you at the same time. My kids run me ragged. It is physically double the work...dressing two, bathing two, setting up meals and snacks and cleaning them up afterwards for two, sometimes getting up multiple times a night for two, hoisting two in and out of the car and shoping cart (thankfully now DS does that part himself), when one gets sick, the other is usually not far behind, so it means taking care of two sick kids at the same time......everything you do on a daily basis for your LO now will be times two.
Anyone who would flame you for having those feelings is not living in the real world. I think you'll experience all of the above. My situation is a little different because my youngest are 6 years apart but there's still jealousy, love, feelings of inadequacy, thinking is everyone getting the attention they need? It's just like the first - it's new territory and you do the best you can.
I can tell you that I'm so much busier - I feel like I never sit down. But I also feel like I got into a routine a lot faster the second time around and I knew what to expect (lots of emotion, sleepless nights, etc.).
I'm not sure if this makes you feel better or not but I think everything you're feeling is normal, no one really knows what they're doing anyway and like everyone else, you'll figure it out.
One child did not change my life as much as two did. That is both good, bad and the ugly.
Good: The love. As cheesy as it sounds, it was multiplied. For a small amount each day, I also experience pure joy and elation.
Bad: Each child is different. The 2nd may not be like the 1st. Our 2nd has health issues and I feel like I am always short changing the 1st. I make a special effort to take the oldest on dates. In addition, I feel like I have gained a third child, DH. His needs seem to be 3rd on the list....relations?
Ugly: I work full time and I am a mom full time. It is me that has lost the looks....Shave what legs? Pedicure? Facials? Insanity....
I don't have 2. I want another baby so bad but at the same time I don't know if I can handle it emotionally. I get really stressed with one and have to remind myself to calm down and that its ok if we're late or he gets his shirt dirty or dumps a cup of water on the floor. I'm really scared that 2 will make that worse for me. I absolutely love what you wrote above though.