Hello, let me introduce myself first..
For the first 30 years of my life, everything was smooth and worry-free. I was my parents’ most beloved child, found my true love in college, and happily married him after graduation.
At work, I was my boss’s most valued employee. Whenever I was in charge of a project, colleagues would inevitably say, “Oh, then I’m totally at ease.” I was constantly named “Employee of the Year,” with generous bonuses every year.
Later, I started my own business. Within just three months, I had broken into the market and started making money. By the fifth month, I was earning twice my previous salary. Growth was steady month after month. Right when the business needed more hands, I serendipitously met an amazing partner, and the company reached a whole new level.
Really, it seemed like at every step, whatever I needed, a pair of hands would always place it right in front of me, just in time.
My Two Girls: Ellie & Mia
Meet Ellie, My Firstborn
In 2020, my husband and I decided to have a child. After trying for over a year, we finally got the news in 2021 that a little one was on the way. In 2022, we welcomed our first child, Ellie. She made me a mother.
She is utterly adorable—big eyes, rosy skin, chubby little hands. Every time I look at her, I can’t help but give her a kiss. She is pure joy, and I love her more each day.
But as a first-time mom, I faced unprecedented difficulties. The postpartum tearing wouldn’t heal, and the pain was excruciating. Clogged milk ducts made my breasts hard as rocks. The severe sleep deprivation… And what was even more crushing was that, with zero parenting experience, I was clueless when faced with her unexplained wailing, night terrors, refusal to nurse, constipation, diarrhea, fevers… I desperately searched online, longing for one accurate, truly useful answer!
It was during this time that I thought, once I make it through this “dark” path, I must leave a light on for other new moms.
And Then Came Mia
Ellie had just turned one when I got pregnant again. In 2024, we welcomed our second daughter, Mia.
Completely different from Ellie, Mia is a great eater and sleeper. Although she had her fussy moments in the first two months, starting almost from month three, she became super easygoing. She feeds on schedule, gradually sleeps through the night, loves her solid foods, and adapted quickly when I had to stop breastfeeding due to mastitis.
This made me realize just how vastly different babies can be! It made me even more determined to write about my experiences.
Why I Had to Start This Blog
The Catalyst: A Life Pivoted
After Mia was born, my business also began to decline sharply. I had no choice but to close it and become a full-time mom. My work no longer involves Excel and Word, but instead revolves around changing diapers, washing bottles, making baby food, and managing household chores…
This has been a monumental challenge for me. All my past achievements seem irrelevant now. Managing two young children has brought me a sense of frustration I’ve never known before.
The Daily Reality
They are always fighting over things. When one is in my arms, the other immediately demands to be held too. When I try to cook, Ellie wants me to read her a book. When I attempt to load the washing machine, Mia has a diaper blowout, and I must drop everything to change her…
By the time I finish all that, I see the cup of hot coffee on the table has gone cold again. And it’s not until evening that I remember, “Oh my goodness, the clothes are still in the hamper, unwashed!”
Of course, being a mom is filled with happiness, but that doesn’t negate how hard it is.
My Promise to You
Because I’ve walked this path myself, I won’t just tell you how joyful motherhood is, like many websites do. I want to share my real, unfiltered experiences so every new mom can find a “companion” here.
I want to tell you: you are not alone. What you’re going through, I’ve been there too. Your breakdowns, your helplessness, your moments of losing control—I’ve had them all. You don’t need to feel guilty. This is just a small, necessary stretch of the journey for every mom.
My Hope for This Space
I really want to share my parenting experiences—not just the warm, glowing moments, but to honestly document the pitfalls I’ve stumbled into, the tears I’ve shed, and the “survival wisdom” I’ve scraped together in utter exhaustion.
The Goal: A Mom’s Toolkit
I hope this blog becomes a “mom’s toolkit,” filled not with vague theories, but with:
- Practical Tips: Like how to quickly figure out why a baby is crying, tried-and-true methods for dealing with clogged ducts, or how to efficiently manage the daily grind with twins (or two under two) solo.
- Pitfall Avoidance Guides: Sharing the baby products I regret buying the most, and those “game-changer” parenting hacks. Letting you know which parenting anxieties you can let go of, and which principles are worth holding onto.
- A Community for Moms: I hope my stories connect me with more moms like you. We can cheer each other on in the comments, share our own tricks, turning the storms we face alone into a journey we walk together.
The Bigger Vision
My previous career taught me to analyze data, solve problems, and optimize processes. Now, I’m applying all those skills to this new “position” of Mom. I want to prove that a mom’s value is absolutely not confined to the home. The mindset, resilience, and creativity we built in our careers can shine just as brightly—perhaps even brighter—in this more complex, long-term “project” of raising humans, and can even be transformed into a force that helps others.
My hope is simple: that every mom who opens this blog can let out a sigh of relief and say, “So it’s not just me.” Then, she can find a bit of practical info, a dose of comforting solidarity, and return to her sweet, chaotic mom-life with a little more confidence and a little less weight on her shoulders.
This road? Let’s walk it together.
Re: If you had one, did you do your Hospital VBAC solo, or with a doula?
That is frustrating! I wanted a doula really badly but we couldn't afford one. So I did it solo. DH was of no help or support, he just slept the whole night in the chair next to my bed. I had a really great supportive L&D nurse though so that helped my morale!
I did fine on my own though, maybe I could have gone longer without an epi if I had a support person, but oh well
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I would call her and share your frustrations. If she's good, she'll swoop in and try to fix the situation. I wouldn't forfeit your money without some kind of discussion. If she gets to the birthing room and is really not helping, or you're feeling uncomfortable, then you can ask her to leave. Maybe you and DH can set up some kind of signal that means you want her to go.
Not having adequate support with my first is one of my biggest regrets. Getting a good L&D nurse is totally a matter of fate....and I've never been the lucky type.
For #2, I'm planning to deliver with a solo midwife who will be there most of the time. She will also hand pick the nurses who are most supportive. So, I will not be hiring a doula. If I was going back to my previous provider with 6 doctors and tons of nurses, then I would not even consider a birth without a doula.
This exactly
Try talking with her before deciding you're done with her. Explain to her that you really need to feel like she is invested in your labor and birth. Also, make the request to your care provider to try and get the most supportive L&D nurse. Perhaps ask for the nurse with the most VBAC-support experience, etc just in case.
I had a doula with my hospital VBAC, though I was being cared for by midwives as well. My midwife made sure I had incredible support from my nurses, but having the doula was also extremely helpful during transition/pushing/postpartum. She and DH would take turns, so one would rest while the other helped me. He is adamant about having a doula this time as well! It is just what works better for us.
Hang in there! HTH and GL!
~Sweet Girl *8/18/08* c-section ~ Sweet Boy *12/2/10* VBAC ~ Sweet Boy *8/14/12* VBAC~
VBAC Birth Story 2VBAC Birth Story
I agree with contacting her and laying it all out - let her know your worries about hiring her, etc. Ask for some concrete details about what her plan for your labor is. Then go from there. And if you tell the hospital you are wanting to go med-free, they will most likely match you up with a nurse who has experience with it.
Good luck, I hope it works out for you!
DS2 - Oct 2010 (my VBAC baby!)
Ditto to all of this. I wish I'd had a doula with my daughter. The nurses I had just acted annoyed that I was moving enough in bed that they had to adjust the monitor, and DH didn't really know WTF to do, especially since I was stuck in bed getting pumped full of pitocin.
With my VBAC (I saw the same CNM has cchill here is seeing now) my midwife was with me pretty much the whole time, and my nurse was great. DH also was a great support person the second time around. He knew how important VBACing was to me and he really did his homework. My midwife and nurse also gave him pointers. I did not regret not hiring a doula, which was my plan originally before I asked my CNM about it. Had I been cared for by a doctor or group of doctors, I would have hired a doula without a doubt.
Sarah - 12/23/2008
Alex - 9/30/2011
"I say embrace the total geek in yourself and just enjoy it. Life is too short to be cool." - Shirley Manson, Garbage